26 years ago today, my life changed...

Shada · 06-11-2008, 08:11 PM

26 years.
Then... I was happily married. I thought. Trying for a family. Planning for a family.

26 years ago today. Found out I was pregnant.. found out the pregnancy I was so looking forward to.. was not to be. It was a tubal pregnancy that ended in the emergency room at hospital at 3:00am.
Before I was able to share with friends and family about my upcoming child.. my child was gone.

Five months later, another pregnancy gone wrong. November 13th. This time a molar pregnancy.. my much loved, much wanted, baby was gone. Again. Then the scare of cancer.. very possible. If it was cancer, I would probably be dead within a year..a year I was afraid of dying... a year of tests monthly.. a year to live with a man who showed no caring.. a year to know that if I survived, a divorce was in my future. A year to kill the love I had for my husband. A year to build strength to go on.

26 years later, I do have the strength to continue. But the pain of losing two children never is far from my mind.. I think about what I lost, the chance to be a mother, that my children never had a chance to live their lives, that my marraige ended because of two people not willing to share their pain..

It was the worst time of my life.
So today, I sit and think about what could have been, what should have been.

Gina · 06-12-2008, 04:05 AM

Aww Shada, sometimes we wish that we could re write history. But in reality we know that we can't. I am so sorry for your losses. In life I believe we are destined, what is meant to be will be. You , had no control over losing your children. Your marriage suffered, I don't know all the details to come to a conclusion.

We are probably the same age for I am married 26 yrs. myself. Shada no one is perfectly happy in this world. Please don't dwell on the past , even though it is easier said than done. Things happened for a reason. Thank God you didn't have cancer, if this is what I understood correctly. You were given a chance at life..

Today is not a happy day for you and the pain will always be there, especially on the precise date. Keep yourself busy, I don't know if you are in a relationship or not. Don't dwell on what could have been, go out and do something to fulfill your emptiness. There are so many ways to give love, whether it be volunteering in a hospital to children who are sick, if you love animals taking in a rescue...etc. Foster a child if you can, the list can be endless.

Shada you need a group hug

we are all here for you...

Janet · 06-12-2008, 04:20 AM

Shada, your post made me cry, it broke my heart for you. I wish things could have been different for you, but I believe, like Gina. There are so many times that I wish i could go back and rewrite history, but we can't. We just keep moving forward and hope that everything will be fine.

I'm so glad to know that you didn't have cancer and that you were destined to be here with us. ((((hugs to you my friend))))

teri88 · 06-12-2008, 05:20 AM

Oh Shada what a hard day for you! You are a strong person, and you've gotten to where you are today through sheer determination. Because it was 26 years ago, I wonder: were you ever given the chance to mourn your two babies? In those days the thought was to just "put it behind you". Now, we know that that does not work. They were your children, and you need to go through all of the steps of grief. I had a still born daughter 13 years ago, and I understand your pain. There is a wonderful website that I found at that time where you can share your story, create a memorial and find other's who've been through the same thing. It does not matter HOW LONG ago your loss was, it's still important. Here is a link to the website if you are interested. I just went on there (to make sure it was still around) and they've really made it a great place. It was in it's begining stages when my Erin died, but it still helped me work through my grief.
{{{hugs}}} to you, hon. Do something special for YOU today. You deserve it!

http://www.angels4ever.com/

Gina · 06-12-2008, 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teri88

Oh Shada what a hard day for you! You are a strong person, and you've gotten to where you are today through sheer determination. Because it was 26 years ago, I wonder: were you ever given the chance to mourn your two babies? In those days the thought was to just "put it behind you". Now, we know that that does not work. They were your children, and you need to go through all of the steps of grief. I had a still born daughter 13 years ago, and I understand your pain. There is a wonderful website that I found at that time where you can share your story, create a memorial and find other's who've been through the same thing. It does not matter HOW LONG ago your loss was, it's still important. Here is a link to the website if you are interested. I just went on there (to make sure it was still around) and they've really made it a great place. It was in it's begining stages when my Erin died, but it still helped me work through my grief.
{{{hugs}}} to you, hon. Do something special for YOU today. You deserve it!

http://www.angels4ever.com/

Teri that is a great suggestion, Shada I hope you work through it.. Talk about it as much as you want to today it is part of healing..

judy · 06-12-2008, 10:17 AM

Dear Shada,

My heart goes out to you. You have gone through a lot of suffering.

I'm sure you are strong and have found ways to "move on," but for today, if you need to think about what could have been, what should have been, know that you are in our hearts and our prayers.

DianaB · 06-12-2008, 10:18 AM

{{{{{{Shada}}}}}} I know the pain of losing a child before it was born. I had a miscarriage 18 years ago. It was one of the hardest times I've ever gone through. I'm so sorry that your husband wasn't the support that you needed at that time and your relationship suffered for it. I remember how hard it was for my husband because he didn't feel the connection to the baby that I felt and it was difficult for him to understand my grief.

We can't change the past even though we would like to. What's done is done. We did the best with it that we knew how and even though we have regrets we probably wouldn't change a thing if we were to do it again. It's what has brought us to the place we are now. Don't let your memories from long ago take the sunshine out of your life today. I'm praying that God will be close to you today and that tomorrow will arrive bright and clear.

Shada · 06-12-2008, 07:50 PM

Thank you all for the kind replies.

I did visit the site you spoke of Teri. I plan on making a memorial there. Thank you for that wonderful suggestion.

For those of you that also had a loss... [[HUGS]] from me to you. It is a pain that will never go away as we know. But we do go on and learn to live with the knowledge that for a short time we were blessed with the happiness of giving life to a special little one. Now we are blessed with special angels who are watching over us.

I am fortunate to have good friends and family. I keep busy with doing things I enjoy. I focus on the positive things in my life.

Thank you all for being so caring. It means a lot to me.

Shada

06-11-2008, 08:11 PM	#1
Shada Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,228	26 years ago today, my life changed... 26 years. Then... I was happily married. I thought. Trying for a family. Planning for a family. 26 years ago today. Found out I was pregnant.. found out the pregnancy I was so looking forward to.. was not to be. It was a tubal pregnancy that ended in the emergency room at hospital at 3:00am. Before I was able to share with friends and family about my upcoming child.. my child was gone. Five months later, another pregnancy gone wrong. November 13th. This time a molar pregnancy.. my much loved, much wanted, baby was gone. Again. Then the scare of cancer.. very possible. If it was cancer, I would probably be dead within a year..a year I was afraid of dying... a year of tests monthly.. a year to live with a man who showed no caring.. a year to know that if I survived, a divorce was in my future. A year to kill the love I had for my husband. A year to build strength to go on. 26 years later, I do have the strength to continue. But the pain of losing two children never is far from my mind.. I think about what I lost, the chance to be a mother, that my children never had a chance to live their lives, that my marraige ended because of two people not willing to share their pain.. It was the worst time of my life. So today, I sit and think about what could have been, what should have been.

06-12-2008, 04:05 AM	#2
Gina Donating 4WT 500 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 6,025	Aww Shada, sometimes we wish that we could re write history. But in reality we know that we can't. I am so sorry for your losses. In life I believe we are destined, what is meant to be will be. You , had no control over losing your children. Your marriage suffered, I don't know all the details to come to a conclusion. We are probably the same age for I am married 26 yrs. myself. Shada no one is perfectly happy in this world. Please don't dwell on the past , even though it is easier said than done. Things happened for a reason. Thank God you didn't have cancer, if this is what I understood correctly. You were given a chance at life.. Today is not a happy day for you and the pain will always be there, especially on the precise date. Keep yourself busy, I don't know if you are in a relationship or not. Don't dwell on what could have been, go out and do something to fulfill your emptiness. There are so many ways to give love, whether it be volunteering in a hospital to children who are sick, if you love animals taking in a rescue...etc. Foster a child if you can, the list can be endless. Shada you need a group hug we are all here for you... Last edited by Gina; 06-12-2008 at 04:07 AM.

06-12-2008, 04:20 AM	#3
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,624	Shada, your post made me cry, it broke my heart for you. I wish things could have been different for you, but I believe, like Gina. There are so many times that I wish i could go back and rewrite history, but we can't. We just keep moving forward and hope that everything will be fine. I'm so glad to know that you didn't have cancer and that you were destined to be here with us. ((((hugs to you my friend)))) __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

06-12-2008, 05:20 AM	#4
teri88 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: New Jersey Posts: 808	Oh Shada what a hard day for you! You are a strong person, and you've gotten to where you are today through sheer determination. Because it was 26 years ago, I wonder: were you ever given the chance to mourn your two babies? In those days the thought was to just "put it behind you". Now, we know that that does not work. They were your children, and you need to go through all of the steps of grief. I had a still born daughter 13 years ago, and I understand your pain. There is a wonderful website that I found at that time where you can share your story, create a memorial and find other's who've been through the same thing. It does not matter HOW LONG ago your loss was, it's still important. Here is a link to the website if you are interested. I just went on there (to make sure it was still around) and they've really made it a great place. It was in it's begining stages when my Erin died, but it still helped me work through my grief. {{{hugs}}} to you, hon. Do something special for YOU today. You deserve it! http://www.angels4ever.com/ __________________ TERI Of course I'm in shape. Isn't round a shape?

06-12-2008, 10:17 AM	#6
judy Donating 4WT Yakker Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Denver, NY Posts: 8,097	Dear Shada, My heart goes out to you. You have gone through a lot of suffering. I'm sure you are strong and have found ways to "move on," but for today, if you need to think about what could have been, what should have been, know that you are in our hearts and our prayers. __________________ *Judy*

06-12-2008, 10:18 AM	#7
DianaB Moderator Donating 4WT 13K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Kansas Posts: 16,069	{{{{{{Shada}}}}}} I know the pain of losing a child before it was born. I had a miscarriage 18 years ago. It was one of the hardest times I've ever gone through. I'm so sorry that your husband wasn't the support that you needed at that time and your relationship suffered for it. I remember how hard it was for my husband because he didn't feel the connection to the baby that I felt and it was difficult for him to understand my grief. We can't change the past even though we would like to. What's done is done. We did the best with it that we knew how and even though we have regrets we probably wouldn't change a thing if we were to do it again. It's what has brought us to the place we are now. Don't let your memories from long ago take the sunshine out of your life today. I'm praying that God will be close to you today and that tomorrow will arrive bright and clear. __________________ ´¨) ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Diana Baker ✞ You and I are friends....... Always remember that if you fall I will pick you up...... After I stop laughing!!!

06-12-2008, 07:50 PM	#8
Shada Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,228	Thank you all for the kind replies. I did visit the site you spoke of Teri. I plan on making a memorial there. Thank you for that wonderful suggestion. For those of you that also had a loss... [[HUGS]] from me to you. It is a pain that will never go away as we know. But we do go on and learn to live with the knowledge that for a short time we were blessed with the happiness of giving life to a special little one. Now we are blessed with special angels who are watching over us. I am fortunate to have good friends and family. I keep busy with doing things I enjoy. I focus on the positive things in my life. Thank you all for being so caring. It means a lot to me. Shada

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