What are your relationship tips?

[goofywife]

We do a personality test here at work. So, I ran one on my DH. Of course he has a rare personality. One that really doesn't care what other people think etc., So every time he is being a butt head. I remind him that only 1.5 % of the people think like he does. We also new someone else who had a profile like him. I tend to throw that around too sometimes.

[DianaB]

Everyone has mentioned some really good things. I'm impressed!!!

Here's a few things that I've learned in my 34 years of being married.

--Don't hang around with friends who complain about their spouses. Complaining is contagious! If they're complaining you tend to complain with them.

--Appreciate your spouse! Find little things to compliment him on.......You look handsome! You smell nice! I appreciate it when you take the trash out! Talk him up to your friends and if he overhears he'll appreciate it.

--Communication! This is the most important thing of all. Keep your communication open. Don't be a drama queen but be able to keep your emotions on the level and talk. If you have a problem.....talk. Of course, you also have to listen!

--Always tell the truth! Absolutely NO LIES! This establishes trust in the relationship and if you don't have trust in your spouse you have nothing! No half truths or white lies either. My life is an open book to my husband, anything he wants to know I'll tell him and visa versa.

--Remember that men don't understand it when you beat around the bush about things. You want roses for Valentine's Day? Don't hint.....just tell him. They really don't have a clue!!!

--Don't sweat the small stuff. You've heard this one before. Ask yourself before you get angry.......Is this really worth fighting over? Don't let your anger take over.

--Find a common interest. Does he do his thing and you do yours? Find something that you both enjoy doing together. My husband and I once played recreational volleyball. We talked and talked about it and really enjoyed being together. It's one of the things we don't do anymore and miss.......You CAN take up fishing or other things. Let him know that you're doing it to spend time with him. He'll appreciate it.

--Do things unexpectedly and have fun!!! My husband never knows what I might do! I may walk through a room and pull my shirt and bra up and give him a flash! I may take a squirt guy and shoot him with water. I may jump in the shower with him. Or take a marker and make a big heart on his chest with "I love you" in it. Laughing together is good for the marriage!! Tell him a joke every day! My husband and I also leave notes for each other. When I went to Chicago, I bet that I found 10 notes from him. He put them in my wallet and in my clothes and I was still finding them when I got ready to come home. They make me feel special.

--Prioritize what's important in your life. In my life God comes first, my husband is second, and my children are third, then comes everything else. The reason that my life is set up this way is because some day my children are going to leave home and I'm going to be living the rest of my life with their father. I might as well be building on that relationship my whole married life or what am I going to have if I haven't and my kids leave?

--Never, never, never bring up the "D" word!!! Don't bring up divorce!!! Be committed to your marriage. Be determined to make it last! Marriage has it's ups and downs and we've had ours, but we've made a committment to each other that we're going to make it through to the end. I have had times that I wanted to quit and we've had our rough times, mostly because I have trouble communicating. Once we sit down and talk things through we really try to do better and work out what ever the problem is. We've NEVER brought up divorce in any of our 34 years.

--Read the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Together. This book explains how each of us has a different way of feeling loved. Quality time, gifts, Acts of service, touch, or words of affirmation. I need quality time and after my husband read the book he realized how much I need one on one time with him and he makes the effort for me.

--I guess that my last suggestion is to be willing to change. Are you or your husband doing something that hurts the other? Change it. Do you compain alot? Change it. Whatever is need to make things better........Be willing to change!

--Last but not least.....Pray for your spouse.

I know that this is a long list and I hope that it's helpful to someone. I need to really stress that having Jesus as my Lord and Savior has helped in our marriage so much. I firmly believe that when I put God first that everything else will fall into it's rightful place after that, including my marriage.

[Dobie]

--Don't hang around with friends who complain about their spouses. Complaining is contagious! If they're complaining you tend to complain with them.


This is one that I've never thought about - I do have a couple of friends that when we go out, it always seems to turn into a "complain about the spouse" session.

[goofywife]

I love your list!! I agree with every one of them.

Originally Posted by DianaB

Everyone has mentioned some really good things. I'm impressed!!!

Here's a few things that I've learned in my 34 years of being married.

--Don't hang around with friends who complain about their spouses. Complaining is contagious! If they're complaining you tend to complain with them.

--Appreciate your spouse! Find little things to compliment him on.......You look handsome! You smell nice! I appreciate it when you take the trash out! Talk him up to your friends and if he overhears he'll appreciate it.

--Communication! This is the most important thing of all. Keep your communication open. Don't be a drama queen but be able to keep your emotions on the level and talk. If you have a problem.....talk. Of course, you also have to listen!

--Always tell the truth! Absolutely NO LIES! This establishes trust in the relationship and if you don't have trust in your spouse you have nothing! No half truths or white lies either. My life is an open book to my husband, anything he wants to know I'll tell him and visa versa.

--Remember that men don't understand it when you beat around the bush about things. You want roses for Valentine's Day? Don't hint.....just tell him. They really don't have a clue!!!

--Don't sweat the small stuff. You've heard this one before. Ask yourself before you get angry.......Is this really worth fighting over? Don't let your anger take over.

--Find a common interest. Does he do his thing and you do yours? Find something that you both enjoy doing together. My husband and I once played recreational volleyball. We talked and talked about it and really enjoyed being together. It's one of the things we don't do anymore and miss.......You CAN take up fishing or other things. Let him know that you're doing it to spend time with him. He'll appreciate it.

--Do things unexpectedly and have fun!!! My husband never knows what I might do! I may walk through a room and pull my shirt and bra up and give him a flash! I may take a squirt guy and shoot him with water. I may jump in the shower with him. Or take a marker and make a big heart on his chest with "I love you" in it. Laughing together is good for the marriage!! Tell him a joke every day! My husband and I also leave notes for each other. When I went to Chicago, I bet that I found 10 notes from him. He put them in my wallet and in my clothes and I was still finding them when I got ready to come home. They make me feel special.

--Prioritize what's important in your life. In my life God comes first, my husband is second, and my children are third, then comes everything else. The reason that my life is set up this way is because some day my children are going to leave home and I'm going to be living the rest of my life with their father. I might as well be building on that relationship my whole married life or what am I going to have if I haven't and my kids leave?

--Never, never, never bring up the "D" word!!! Don't bring up divorce!!! Be committed to your marriage. Be determined to make it last! Marriage has it's ups and downs and we've had ours, but we've made a committment to each other that we're going to make it through to the end. I have had times that I wanted to quit and we've had our rough times, mostly because I have trouble communicating. Once we sit down and talk things through we really try to do better and work out what ever the problem is. We've NEVER brought up divorce in any of our 34 years.

--Read the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Together. This book explains how each of us has a different way of feeling loved. Quality time, gifts, Acts of service, touch, or words of affirmation. I need quality time and after my husband read the book he realized how much I need one on one time with him and he makes the effort for me.

--I guess that my last suggestion is to be willing to change. Are you or your husband doing something that hurts the other? Change it. Do you compain alot? Change it. Whatever is need to make things better........Be willing to change!

--Last but not least.....Pray for your spouse.

I know that this is a long list and I hope that it's helpful to someone. I need to really stress that having Jesus as my Lord and Savior has helped in our marriage so much. I firmly believe that when I put God first that everything else will fall into it's rightful place after that, including my marriage.

[Janet]

Great list Diana!

[Gina]

Diana I applaud you for sharing this great list that makes your marriage truly beautiful. I think many will learn from it..

[judy]

Pope,

I think you're going to have a very happy marriage. You are very committed to it, and, as Diana said, that's the most important thing.

My daughter and SIL have been through ups and many downs together, but they both feel that they made a commitment before God and they must keep it. I was so against their marriage, and now, I have so much respect for it, and I love being with them. They are a really good couple.

Diana, I love your list. Your house must be so much fun, and so harmonious.

I also feel that
"--Don't hang around with friends who complain about their spouses. Complaining is contagious! If they're complaining you tend to complain with them."

In my life, most of my friends who are married are very happily married. Some aren't, but it's not the focus or their lives.

[pope1982]

Thank you Judy, we are excited and proud of ourselves to have waited for our wedding day.
I tell anyone who wants to ask how we have made it this far, and still are so in love. We are literally inseparable because we like it that way...

I tell them, marriage is nothing to be rushed into. As I have said so many times before, we have been through the long distance part of it. Growing up together and moving in together at a young age. Family issues... There were definitely times we were more like brother and sister and we could have killed each other.

Of course there have been those hard times, but those are outweighed by happy times, loving moments/gestures and so many memories in nearly 10 years (this October).

This is why I am so thankful to have found a priest who shares our same beliefs. To me, it feels like the perfect joining lol Myself, my husband and our priest.
Normally Catholics frown upon living together before marriage, to them I would ask how in the hell they would expect a fairly new relationship to last?
We moved in together 6 years ago November 5th of this year, and it's scary for me to think of living apart until marriage then dealing with the adjustment of sharing your space with another person as well as marriage. It can be done, but it is so much added stress!
Add to that the number of people with surprise pregnancies like what my sister is going through. She has two children, will be 21 this month. Recently engaged, recently moved in together, with her child from a previous relationship.
The first couple of years were the hardest, I wouldn't trade to be in her shoes for anything

Brad is also 2 years younger than me, so I have waited on him for many things which was fine by me, but some people are not as patient or so I have been told time and time again.
We don't try to change each other, we appreciate each other for who we are and support the other when we do go through inevitable changes on our own.

We have always been told we don't act like we are as young as we are, and I take that as a tremendous compliment. I really do love my life, everything I have experienced has prepared me (as much as possible) and had a huge part in who I am today.

I understand what you are saying about your daughters relationship though, my parents and his have probably felt the same way. It hurts to see anyone you love go through those painful moments. What is the true judge of character is how quickly and well they pick themselves up and try again staring their fears in the face
Sounds like your daughter has a good head on her shoulders and a good man by her side!

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by DianaB

Everyone has mentioned some really good things. I'm impressed!!!

Here's a few things that I've learned in my 34 years of being married.

--Don't hang around with friends who complain about their spouses. Complaining is contagious! If they're complaining you tend to complain with them.

--Appreciate your spouse! Find little things to compliment him on.......You look handsome! You smell nice! I appreciate it when you take the trash out! Talk him up to your friends and if he overhears he'll appreciate it.

--Communication! This is the most important thing of all. Keep your communication open. Don't be a drama queen but be able to keep your emotions on the level and talk. If you have a problem.....talk. Of course, you also have to listen!

--Always tell the truth! Absolutely NO LIES! This establishes trust in the relationship and if you don't have trust in your spouse you have nothing! No half truths or white lies either. My life is an open book to my husband, anything he wants to know I'll tell him and visa versa.

--Remember that men don't understand it when you beat around the bush about things. You want roses for Valentine's Day? Don't hint.....just tell him. They really don't have a clue!!!

--Don't sweat the small stuff. You've heard this one before. Ask yourself before you get angry.......Is this really worth fighting over? Don't let your anger take over.

--Find a common interest. Does he do his thing and you do yours? Find something that you both enjoy doing together. My husband and I once played recreational volleyball. We talked and talked about it and really enjoyed being together. It's one of the things we don't do anymore and miss.......You CAN take up fishing or other things. Let him know that you're doing it to spend time with him. He'll appreciate it.

--Do things unexpectedly and have fun!!! My husband never knows what I might do! I may walk through a room and pull my shirt and bra up and give him a flash! I may take a squirt guy and shoot him with water. I may jump in the shower with him. Or take a marker and make a big heart on his chest with "I love you" in it. Laughing together is good for the marriage!! Tell him a joke every day! My husband and I also leave notes for each other. When I went to Chicago, I bet that I found 10 notes from him. He put them in my wallet and in my clothes and I was still finding them when I got ready to come home. They make me feel special.

--Prioritize what's important in your life. In my life God comes first, my husband is second, and my children are third, then comes everything else. The reason that my life is set up this way is because some day my children are going to leave home and I'm going to be living the rest of my life with their father. I might as well be building on that relationship my whole married life or what am I going to have if I haven't and my kids leave?

--Never, never, never bring up the "D" word!!! Don't bring up divorce!!! Be committed to your marriage. Be determined to make it last! Marriage has it's ups and downs and we've had ours, but we've made a committment to each other that we're going to make it through to the end. I have had times that I wanted to quit and we've had our rough times, mostly because I have trouble communicating. Once we sit down and talk things through we really try to do better and work out what ever the problem is. We've NEVER brought up divorce in any of our 34 years.

--Read the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Together. This book explains how each of us has a different way of feeling loved. Quality time, gifts, Acts of service, touch, or words of affirmation. I need quality time and after my husband read the book he realized how much I need one on one time with him and he makes the effort for me.

--I guess that my last suggestion is to be willing to change. Are you or your husband doing something that hurts the other? Change it. Do you compain alot? Change it. Whatever is need to make things better........Be willing to change!

--Last but not least.....Pray for your spouse.

I know that this is a long list and I hope that it's helpful to someone. I need to really stress that having Jesus as my Lord and Savior has helped in our marriage so much. I firmly believe that when I put God first that everything else will fall into it's rightful place after that, including my marriage.

Wow, great list Diana! I really enjoyed reading it and can tell you truly poured your heart out for us. Thank you!

That list is pretty exhaustive so I don't have much to add, but I will say that it's very important to keep things exciting and new. Spontaneity is great for a marriage! So many times it can remind you and your spouse of many of the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Doing something new and different gives you a new common experience to remember and cherish in the future, it helps you have fun together, and it helps you focus on each other. Every time I do something new or out of the ordinary with Brendon, it becomes another story to tell, another reason we love each other, another fun time we've had together, another fond memory. It's those good memories that will help you get through the bad times.


EDIT-Oops, I posted this then realized you already had this one in your list too. lol

[DianaB]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I must have pretty much thought of everything that I wanted to say because I haven't had too much more come to mind. I truly believe that a home should be peaceful and a place of refuge for your family from the world. My husband and I still have our disagreements but ultimately we know that we're always there for each other no matter what. I like to think that I'm my husband's biggest cheerleader and he is for me too! Again, I hope that my list helps someone else to have a wonderful marriage.

[Shada]

I saw this saying on a hanging weathered board at the flea market. Love it.

'Always remember to kiss me goodnight'

[pope1982]

Originally Posted by Shada

I saw this saying on a hanging weathered board at the flea market. Love it.

'Always remember to kiss me goodnight'

That is adorable