Please help me

[Lindsey]

I went to Kyle's house tonight. He was having a keg party in celebration of his house being all finished, and my ex boyfriend showed up. He was with another girl. She was not attractive at all. He was all over her right in front of me. People caught them having sex in the bathroom. Later someone came outside where we were all hanging out and said "hey do you want to stop ryden and that girl from having sex in your bed??" to Kyle and he went inside and came back and said "oh they're not having sex" and then I went to the bathroom and his bedroom door was STILL closed and they were nowhere to be found so I went to Kyle and said "Get them the f*ck out of your room NOW" and he said "well what am I supposed to say?" but he did go back there and got them out and they were ALL OVER each other saying goodbye to people and I was SO angry I grabbed my overnight bag from his room and told him I'm going. I went out on the street to wait for a cab, and my ex said goodbye to me and I said, after he already closed the door "f-you" and another friend's sister came up and gave me a hug and I said "How f-ing rude do you have to be to HAVE SEX with a girl in the bed you know your ex is sleeping in tonight"and she said she knows, he's a jerk, and right then her dad pulled up to give her a ride home. She said "just wait a minute" and she grabbed my hand and said I can't leave like that and took me in to talk to kyle. He said "whatever, she wants to leave, she can f-ing leave" and I was bawling and she said "You can't just leave her to take a cab home all alone! I don't care, she's alone, and she can't take a cab!" and he just said "whatever, she wants to go home, let her go" so she got her dad to drive me home. I'm bawling so hard I can barely see straight. I need to go cuddle with Layla now. I hope I can feel better. I'm sorry for rambling.

[Mandy]

Lindsey, sweetie - it shows you what type of person your ex, and hes new gf are, i seriously do not think they are your kind of people.
I wish i could tell you to stop mixing with them, but no one can tell you what to do.
You are a better class, and you should be proud of that.
There is so much more i would like to say to you, but i think for now, you have your head full enough, so i am going to just give you a loving hug, and will talk later.
I know it's VERY late/early for you at the moment, have a cup of tea, and go lay down with Layla.

Love ya!

[Janet]

Lindsey, I'm so sorry you're so upset. You don't deserve this.

With that being said...your ex and his girlfriend can do whatever they want. The only time you should have gotten upset was maybe when they went in Kyle's room, although you really shouldn't be in there either.

Don't be angry with Kyle, people change and say such hurtful things with alcohol in them. He can't be held responsible for what he said or how he acted...he can only be held responsible for drinking.

When you talk to Kyle about his, don't come at him in an accusing tone. Just calmly let him know how you feel and then drop it. That's why alcohol and relationships (or anything for that matter) don't mix.

((((hugs))))

[Dobie]

I wish I had something more positive to say - but after reading your posts about this relationship - I really think you need to re-evaluate it. Over the years I've worked with many young women that have stayed in bad relationships that have escalated to very ugly situations - I know you didn't ask for opinions on your relationship, but I feel the need to say it anyway.

It seems like it is a relationship built on drama, disrespect and verbal abuse. You guys seem to go through periods that you say you are happy, but they always seem to follow a huge blowout where he has been very inappropriate with you - that's one of the classic signs in an abusive relationship.

I don't really understand the craziness of last night for a few reasons. If you have issues with the ex, why was he invited to your party? I think you need to ask yourself why you became so upset that your ex was all over his current girlfriend, I can see that the behavior would be considered rather disgusting (but to be expected at a party with a lot of alcohol), your reaction seemed to be more out of jealousy.

Kyle's behavior outside his apartment is the most troubling - does he really not care how his girlfriend gets home from a party? The language that he uses when referring to you is unacceptable - I understand that people use profanity, but the F word when referring to your partner really is very disrespectful.

I'm sorry if I've come across as harsh, butyou seem like a bright young woman and it would be a shame if you lost your personality in an attempt to keep Kyle happy.

[Lindsey]

It was Kyle's party and my ex went because he is friends with Kyle, they work together. I wasn't jealous about the girl, we've been broken up for a long time and we're not FRIENDS but we are civil with each other. He is not someone I would ever want to date again. I just think it was absolutely disrespectful for him to be like that with a girl in my boyfriend's house and on my boyfriend's BED. We're not college students and it wasn't a loud crazy party. There were about 25 to 30 of Kyle's friends who came over to have a few drinks in celebration of his house finally getting all finished. We're all adults and everyone was acting like it except my ex. It was absolutely disrespectful for him to act like that, and everyone was feeling uncomfortable. I was trying to ignore it but him going into Kyle's bedroom with that girl and closing the door was the last straw.

[Mandy]

Lindsey, i have to agree with Dobie, when a person calls hes wife or girlfriend using the F word in front of the name, is extermely disrespectful, and i find that quite disturbing.
The fact that he said, he doesnt care how you get home, makes me wonder what he does care about?
What Kyle did is very rude, and childish, the only thing he should be caring for is you, and the relationship he has with you.
If it meant he has to break hes friendship with your ex, then so be it.
He's future is not with your ex, but with you.
In respect to you, he should have asked your ex, and hes girlfriend to get out of hes bedroom, and leave hes house.
If he is a true friend to Kyle, what was he doing is the bedroom in the first place? Why would anyone for that matter want to go to a bedroom while they are invited to someone elses home! Thats wrong period!

Lindsey, do yourself a huge favour, and have some quiet, alone time to think things through properly, give yourself some space.
Think about yourself, and your own self respect.

HUGS!!

[Gina]

Lindsey I agree with Mandy and Dobie on this one.. Here is my two cents..


First of all Kyle has many issues your happy one day and in a rut over something the next argument. Why are you putting up with this behavior ? He should be treating you with respect and love, if he treats you badly now forget about it if you marry him.. Looking from the outside of things and what you post, he has his own issues and most of the times treats you badly. I am sorry but I am speaking to you as if you were my daughter..

You have no reason to be jealous over your ex and his girlfriend, and how they acted is very immature and she sounds like a flootzy, Kyle being it was his house should have told your ex on the side to cut it out. If they were so horny for each other < sorry > they should have left and got a room at a hotel. Not his bedroom , for you share that bed and why would he want someone doing it on his bed...That is disgusting , and I am no prude. Then to boot he makes you find your own way home late at night. I would have told him see ya! and dropped his a**s.

In all honesty Lindsey you should re consider this relationship for no man is worth this aggravation and it may never get better. Your young and still have a life ahead of you.. As the old saying goes and holds true today also .. There are plenty of fish in the sea.....

Think about what most have said and remember we have age and experience.

[judy]

Dear Lindsey,

You're so young and talented and sweet. You work your butt off, and do a great job, you're beautiful, you've traveled and have hopes and dreams - and you do them! I love that about you. The traveling and riding your bike and all.

If you could, take a good look at what more than a few women here say about their happy marriages. They never talk about drama. If you could go through some posts and see how people in good, loving relationships talk and feel about each other, I think it would be really helpful to you.

Kyle is not going to change. If you are 100% happy with the way it is now, then fine. If you're waiting for change, leave.

[Lindsey]

Kyle and I both know that we won't be together forever. He knows full well that I am moving away and he isn't. So it's more just a matter of time than a matter of should we be together or not. It's not going to work out in the long run. I think it's just easier to end it because of me leaving than for me to try to just break up with him now and sit here lonely and miserable for the rest of the year. I do like hanging out with him when I have nothing else to do. He told me today he is mad at me for walking out like that. I said I think we need to both think everything over and have a talk. He asked what I meant and I told him there is just a lot of drama in our relationiship. He said "Just last night. When was the last time before that?" and he always makes it sound like he does everything for me and I have it good with him and blah blah blah.

[judy]

Originally Posted by Lindsey

Kyle and I both know that we won't be together forever. He knows full well that I am moving away and he isn't. So it's more just a matter of time than a matter of should we be together or not. It's not going to work out in the long run. I think it's just easier to end it because of me leaving than for me to try to just break up with him now and sit here lonely and miserable for the rest of the year. I do like hanging out with him when I have nothing else to do. He told me today he is mad at me for walking out like that. I said I think we need to both think everything over and have a talk. He asked what I meant and I told him there is just a lot of drama in our relationiship. He said "Just last night. When was the last time before that?" and he always makes it sound like he does everything for me and I have it good with him and blah blah blah.

Well that settles that! Why worry about it anymore? You really don't have to pay attention to his drama at this point. Just be sure who you choose for the next boyfriend, because that might be permanent.

You deserve somebody wonderful. I'm going to pray that you get that.

[HALEY]

Lindsey don't make the same mistake i did, you can get out now, but it's not as easy to leave once you get married and a child is involved, run now!!!

[Marilyn]

Originally Posted by HALEY

Lindsey don't make the same mistake i did, you can get out now, but it's not as easy to leave once you get married and a child is involved, run now!!!

Awesome advice!!!

[Lindsey]

Thanks for the advice Haley. I have never thought I could ever marry Kyle. We are just not that compatible.

[Shada]

Originally Posted by Lindsey

Thanks for the advice Haley. I have never thought I could ever marry Kyle. We are just not that compatible.

Then why are you still with him? You are planning on moving.. you stated yourself you are not planning on a long term relationship with him.. you are not compatible.. yet you let yourself get worked up and hurt over and over again by his actions.

In continueing this relationship with Kyle, you could be losing out on finding and being with a person you are compatible with and could be truly happy with, and while you are honest with him that you are planning on moving soon and 'this too will end'... Is this really fair to him ..or to you?

If I ever met someone I enjoyed being with and they told me that their future did not include me, I would never involve myself with a situation that I knew would have a dead end.

Do you ever speak of love? Do you love Kyle? Do you want a future with him?
If your answer is yes, then work on the relationship. If not, then let it go. Don't waste your time or his time on a relationship that will end. Because.. whats the point? He could be thinking that you are leaving regardless so why not use you as a stepping stone until someone else comes along.. you are using him till the time comes when you leave, why shouldn't he use you?

I think you both deserve better.