Husband that is a SOB

[donna1990]

If anything breaks down in our home, he blames me. I did something!!!!
I love him and hate him.
I pay my way, all of of my personal needs, medical, dental,makeup, skin care, clothes etc. my Yorkies grooming and medications, I pay for all of the house hold items, sheets, blankets, pillows, etc. I am retired and only get less than $400 a month.,ss.,, have to pay $2,500 dedutible on my health ins. Also pay the pool man $50 a month. Just feed up , need some support.

[Tink]

Oh Donna, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time!
Men seem to take it as a personal insult when anything breaks down. They're the "mr Fix-it" who is supposed to keep everything running smoothly and of course they have to blame someone when it falls apart!
I know it's hard to stomach being blamed.... just try to remember it's HIS hang up... and he needs to treat you with respect even when he's frustrated. You can tell him I said so! lol

HUGS

[Janet]

It's just not fair is it Donna? Tink is right. They (some) try to keep things in running condition and when it breaks down they throw a darn fit and blame us. There for awhile, years ago, whenever I mowed the yard, the mower wouldn't start, use the weed eater, it would stop and not start anymore...other things too. My husband would come home from work and then be a real turd. Please don't feel alone. I just quit mowing and weedeating and now if they break down...he can be mad at himself. Maybe you can do the same thing, whatever you're using (if possible) don't do it anymore...let him. {{{{hugs}}}} to ya girl

[Emmsmom]

I can't add anything else. I am just gonna sit here and nod my head! I know and understand EXACTLY how you feel. ((HUGS)). We have been married for 14 years and I am just learning the trick that Janet mentioned! When all else fails let them do it and be the one to make the mistake!

[HALEY]

Donna i wish i could help, but i had the same problem when i got my house everything breaking down, i already got a new fridge, new stove, new microwave, and recently got my grandmothers almost new washer and dryer, hey things break down, they don't last forever, maybe your hubby was having a bad day.. Hope thinngs work out for you girl. i'm really not the one to give relationship advice.. bad luck in that department...

[DianaB]

I'm so sorry, Donna. Some guys can be real jerks. We're all here if you need us.

[donna1990]

Thanks to all of you, guess I am not completely alone. I have learned to let a lot of stuff go, but my refrigerator is only a couple years old and had a water leak around the ice maker and it formed ice in the motor, can you imagine the sound?? This has been going on for months, had to get up in the middle of the night to turn it off so that I could sleep.
He takes the check book with him everday so I had to put it on my charge card, hoping that he will pay it, probably not. I have a hard time getting out the front door because the door know is stripped, My house is beautiful and I want to keep it maintained, does not bother him.
Enough of feeling sorry for my self, he is 69 and will never change. Just have to keep myself busy, busy, busy.

[HALEY]

Your husband sounds like mine!!! oh i hate that, i like the house to look nice, that's why i have no savings account now! i got all new furniture, appliances, carpet, bedroom sets, now two new doors, plants, flowers, etc... if it wasn't for me Mike would have been satisfied with the ugly green rug that was in the house when i bought it.. That stuff don't bother men!!! it should!! why wouldn't you want your house to look nice inside and outside???

[donna1990]

Originally Posted by HALEY

Your husband sounds like mine!!! oh i hate that, i like the house to look nice, that's why i have no savings account now! i got all new furniture, appliances, carpet, bedroom sets, now two new doors, plants, flowers, etc... if it wasn't for me Mike would have been satisfied with the ugly green rug that was in the house when i bought it.. That stuff don't bother men!!! it should!! why wouldn't you want your house to look nice inside and outside???

Exactly!!!!! I have bought everything also, appliances, furniture, sheets, towels, all accessories, etc. I am not working anymore and have a small inheritance from a relative but I will not spend one cent of it on this house. When it is gone, what will I have? He bought the house, pays the utilities, ins, car ins., my health ins, but I pay the $2,500 dedutible of that, my own medicine, everything personal, even the expensives on my automobile including gas, so I don't go grocery shopping, give him the list and let him do it, BUT, he LOVES to eat.

[judy]

I'm sorry that you're having to tough it out financially. As far as being blamed for breaking things, I also would just stop doing too much. Only buy things for yourself, only clean as much as you care about, unless you use the pool, let it rot.

I wouldn't even do his laundry. (I'm a b**** - just ask my ex!) If I was buying pillowcases, I'd only buy one - for my pillow. Hide the toilet paper too, and make him ration out his share.

You're right. At 69, he won't change, but you can.

[Gina]

My husband use to always blame me for everything to.. Until one day I just said to myself b.s. I am not going to take this anymore. So if and when something breaks I turn around and say gee looks like I broke it...lol and I walk away and don't say another word. He has gotten better with not blaming me for I don't get upset anymore.

I do to work and I pay for a lot, he takes care of the house, most of the car repairs, ulitility bills, shopping and insurances. We have kids in college and we have brought them cars and pay for everything.. I do pay their school books, money sometimes towards their loans, gas for all three cars and stuff for myself and house. I am slow right now and am paying off my dental bill which is a nice size amount..I have credit cards that come to a lot each mt. my daughter is killing me. She works when she can but with her studying to get into medical school she can't work. Her transmission went this week over $2,000. It never ends. I have brought furniture for the house too for my husband feels nothing is ever needed. So I work and spend..

So your not alone... as you can tell by most of our posts.

[HALEY]

Originally Posted by donna1990

Exactly!!!!! I have bought everything also, appliances, furniture, sheets, towels, all accessories, etc. I am not working anymore and have a small inheritance from a relative but I will not spend one cent of it on this house. When it is gone, what will I have? He bought the house, pays the utilities, ins, car ins., my health ins, but I pay the $2,500 dedutible of that, my own medicine, everything personal, even the expensives on my automobile including gas, so I don't go grocery shopping, give him the list and let him do it, BUT, he LOVES to eat.

I don't blame you, i am trying to build my savings back up to where it was before, i put 200 a month back into it. it's a couple thousand now, but i will increase it soon, i have my mother finally paid off, i just have one more payment on Mikes DUI and i'll have an extra 475.00 a month yahooo... that will go towards Micah and the savings account for a rainy day.. and i have tons of those.. But i do give my husband credit for one thing, i get his paychecks! and he don't care what i do with them. i type out a payment schedule each month a stick to it, i am very good with bills, and any extra money goes for Baby stuff, clothes etc. and we sneak out once in a blue moon to eat.. or i'll bring home a pizza on Fridays.
But maybe you guys sould sit down and talk about your bills and stuff you want to get for the house maybe start a little fund or a savings account and when you get enough money in it go buy what you want or need. That's how i did it... i saved all my life for one day owning a house. i worked everyday!!! busted my ass off. and i have all new funiture and appliances to show for it.. i am proud of myself!! i did it on my own...

[donna1990]

Originally Posted by judy

I'm sorry that you're having to tough it out financially. As far as being blamed for breaking things, I also would just stop doing too much. Only buy things for yourself, only clean as much as you care about, unless you use the pool, let it rot.

I wouldn't even do his laundry. (I'm a b**** - just ask my ex!) If I was buying pillowcases, I'd only buy one - for my pillow. Hide the toilet paper too, and make him ration out his share.

You're right. At 69, he won't change, but you can.

You are too much!
You gave me an idea, I don't grocery shop at all anymore, couldn't do that right, he does it all and sometimes buys cheap toliet paper, will put it on the roll for him and hide the Charmin under the cabinet.
It gets worse, the a/c went out and the dh has a guy that does all the work on our rentals, I called him, he came today, the air handler is shot, full of water and mold, it is in the attic. Several years ago the a/c went out and dh didn't know any a/c men, I did and called him, he replaced the compressor only, NOW it is my fault for hiring him.

[donna1990]

Guess DH could stand for Damn also.
I love my home and have taken so much pride in it, hate to see things no kept up. Here are a few pics.
1 foyer
2 family room
3 guest bedroom
4 foyer

Have not taken one of my bedroom, Tricksie will not let me make it up, she bounces all of the pillows of and climbs under the bedspread.

[Janet]

Very nice Donna, but the truth is...as long as there are men...we'll always have something to complain about...lol