favoritism

[hle_625]

Originally Posted by magnolia

Heather,

I have typed and erased 4 seperate times and I'm hoping this won't be #5! Do I think you're being selfish? No, I don't at all. You have had this baby "thrown" in your face since it was first announced she was pregnant - she's "bragged and boasted" about this being the first grandchild, in-laws are bending over backwards to help her and do things for her, while you are sitting on the sidelines watching. Have the tried to include you in anything during the pregnancy other than to ask when you were having one? Maybe if they had been more thoughtful and included you in things, you might not feel as you do right now. And maybe, just maybe, your heart is speaking to you that the relationship may not last another year or two despite the fact they will have a child to link them together for the rest of their lives. If they split, she'll take the child with her and could very possibly make it difficult for the father and the in-laws to see him/her. I'm just guessing and having rambling thoughts on the situation. I do not blame you at all for your feelings. As for hand-me-downs, no one wants ALL hand-me-downs with their first baby, whether it's the 2nd grandchild or the 10th - you do want some new things for the new baby! Even though I kept all of TJ's clothes in case we had another boy (which we did), I still bought new outfits and toys for Taylor. You deserve nothing less when the time comes that you and your husband decide to start a family. And the decision on when to start is between the two of you, no one else. Trust me - enjoy life together as husband and wife, do things the two of you want to do, go places together, or just enjoy being with one another before you have kids - kids are a life changing addition to the family and you need to enter that phase of your life ready and with no regrets for not having done things as a couple before the baby arrived.

Gosh, I hope this rambling I've done makes some sort of sense!!!!

Thank you so much for your response you have hit alot of things right on! This girl does not, and I repeat does not take care of her child that she has now, she just wants someone to take care of her and her baby and unfortunatly my BIL got trapped into this! All my inlaws do is talk constantly about this baby and I understand that they are excited but I have had enough of it! Amber is going to let anyone and everyone in that birthing room when this baby is born, infact my sister in law is going to cut the babies cord so....they all keep saying to me that when I have a baby they all better get to be in my birthing room too. So its put alot of pressure on my part! And I dont even have kids yet. And my mother in law got to go to the first ultrasound and you are only allowed to have 2 people in there. So it was Kevin (my brother in law) and my mother in law in there bc her mom couldnt attend. So the first thing my mother in law said to me was I better get to go to your ultrasound when you have a baby! Well what about my mom??? She will want to be there. I could go on and on but I will stop boring you guys!

I dont think they will be together for much longer, shes already left him twice and came back. She doesnt know what she wants!

[magnolia]

Originally Posted by hle_625

Thank you so much for your response you have hit alot of things right on! This girl does not, and I repeat does not take care of her child that she has now, she just wants someone to take care of her and her baby and unfortunatly my BIL got trapped into this! All my inlaws do is talk constantly about this baby and I understand that they are excited but I have had enough of it! Amber is going to let anyone and everyone in that birthing room when this baby is born, infact my sister in law is going to cut the babies cord so....they all keep saying to me that when I have a baby they all better get to be in my birthing room too. So its put alot of pressure on my part! And I dont even have kids yet. And my mother in law got to go to the first ultrasound and you are only allowed to have 2 people in there. So it was Kevin (my brother in law) and my mother in law in there bc her mom couldnt attend. So the first thing my mother in law said to me was I better get to go to your ultrasound when you have a baby! Well what about my mom??? She will want to be there. I could go on and on but I will stop boring you guys!

I dont think they will be together for much longer, shes already left him twice and came back. She doesnt know what she wants!

Oh Heather, the more I hear of this, the more my heart aches for you and what you are going through. First of all, pregnancy is a special bond between husband and wife (or father and mother, if not married) and their unborn child. The baby will be shared with the entire family when he/she is born but before then, the pregnancy, in my opinion, is shared between the happy couple. When I had TJ, I never gave it one thought about asking my MIL to go with us (my mom lived 3 hours away at the time) - it was just hubby and I. The day I was being put in the hospital to have labor induced with him, my MIL called wanting to check on me and I told a white lie and said I was fine (was actually waiting on hubby to get home so we could go to the hospital). And when delivery time came - I wanted no one in there but Sam. Now, before things got down to the "nitty gritty" of delivery, my mom was in there, my MIL was in there, and other family and friends were coming in but when it got to the actual delivery, I wanted everyone out - to me, the birth of a child is a special bond between the parents - at least that's my opinion on the matter. And when you decide the time is right to have kids, lay the ground rules down - you and your husband will go to your doctor visits and ultrasound visits only unless he can't go and you ask someone else to go. As for labor time, if the hospital allows it, you can have as many in the room with you while you are progressing through labor but, a piece of advice, let your doctor and the staff at the hospital know ahead of time that you only want your husband in there with you - they'll be the "bad guys" and run everyone out Just stick to your "guns" and don't let anyone try to push you in a direction you aren't comfortable with, be that associating with Amber or having a child of your own! And if you need me to come kick some butt, just say the word!