Please Keep Robert In Your Thoughts

[rivermom]

I sit here w/ hands on keyboard not even knowing what to say. You ladies have given already such heartfelt words of encouragment, and care. I really do appreciate it.

My life has been very difficult at times - times when I just wanted to give up, throw in the towel. But I pushed forward knowing I can "fix it".

My struggles through Robert's cancer is I can't make it better for him, I can't "fix it". I know I want to be there for him every step of the way by his side. Supporting him, caring for him, and seeing him through each step.

I have to admit - the overwhelming feelings of this all has taken it's toll on me. Yesterday I pulled into the parking lot of my doctor's with screeching tires. Running in to their office I said if someone doesn't help me I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.

It seems easier when it's your ownself having life's troubles. But when you watch a loved one experience such fear, such pain, and suffering it was more than I physically and mentally could handle. I realized that with my own minds placement I was unable to care for him they way he needs me to. I felt as if I was failing and was only a burden to him. The doctor prescribed me some chill pills and I pray when they actually start kicking in.

I want to be positive - I want to push forward and see him through this - Through sickness and in health is one of my marriage promises that I wont let slack.

This morning when I woke up and watched the sunrise over coffee I made myself a promise that if it was ever I who came up with cancer I would let it ride it's course. I will not ever go through treatment as Robert is, nor will I try to fight it.

I have had a beautiful life whom has watched my kids grow. I have met a wonderful man whom I care for more than myself. His happiness is greater than myown.

Situations in life puts more into perspective, it makes the picture more clear.

Take each day - notice the small wonders around each of us - and not expect ever for it to continue.

[Janet]

Sheryl, we love you and we've missed you. I know I speak for the others when I say we'll be here for you. You're so right, I think it's so much harder to watch a loved one be frightened, hurt or sick and knowing it's out of our hands. That is really when the faith kicks in.

I would like to suggest you keep a journal Sheryl. For me, when I can write/type things out it's like I'm letting go of some of it, ya know? It helps to keep me from feeling so overwhelmed with my thoughts and fears. I've cried so many tears as I've written my feelings, thoughts and important instructions down, now for my mother. Letting the tears fall as I write also helps to lighten the load so to speak.

Can you tell us (in your own time) about Robert's cancer? How he and you found out, his symptoms? If it's too hard, please don't feel you have to. Whenever and whatever you want to share, we'll be here to help you through it.

[rivermom]

Over a year ago Robert went to our family doctor. He had a lump on the inside of his neck. The doctor said "oh it's probably just a gland, lets keep an eye on it".

Well as we all know, time flies and we forget. His lump never hurt, nor did he feel sick. We just sorta ignored it for that years time. Then one day we both noticed the lump seemed larger. He also at that time could feel it pushing on his throat while swallowing. So back to the doctor.

Our doctor immediately sent him to a e/n/t specialist and they ran a biopsy. It turned out cancer. He has throat/neck cancer called Squamous Cell Carcinoma. He's in a stage 4 as it has spread into multiple lymph nodes.

August 1st they operated on his neck. They removed one tonsil and 59 lymph nodes. The largest being about 3 inches long. They removed his jugular (sp) vein, and a salivary gland. They are unable to find the orgin of the cancer at this time.

Next friday he goes in for a PET scan then begins radiation/chemo.

That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

[Emmsmom]

I will keep you and Robert in my thoughts and prayers.{{HUGS}}

[Janet]

Sheryl, I'll keep Robert in my prayers. I'll also keep you in my prayers too my friend, you'll be able to get through this, I'm here if you need me.

[Shada]

I think about you and Robert so often..

I was so glad to hear you went to your doctor for yourself. During this hard time, you have to take care of yourself!! This is without a doubt one of the hardest things you will ever have to endure. I pray the support of your family and friends will help you... please know you are so important to all of us here and we are all holding you close in our hearts..

My prayers and support are with you and Robert.

[DianaB]

That was a very extensive sugery and I can see why you're so very worried. Robert's in my prayers.

[rivermom]

Saying "thank you again" to you ladies doesn't even really seem to be enough. But please know I am so very grateful for all your heartfelt words.

I realize I have not responded to many of your other posts. As time goes on and my life becomes "somewhat" normal again I will try to catch up with the rest of you and see all that's going on in your lives. Meanwhile, please be certain that you realize I am thinking of you.

I have to say the "chill" pills are working - life is somewhat in a fog but atleast I can cope and haven't cried for two days now. The calmer affects from the medication has also allowed me to be back riding Bay daily and that's been a huge release. I can also think more clear about the upcoming treatments Robert will be going through and feel I can be more positive and helpful in caring for him.

Again - please know you all too are in my thoughts.

[DianaB]

Sheryl, I'm not that far away if you need me or if you need someone to talk to just call. {{{{{{Sheryl}}}}}}

[Tink]

Sheryl, my prayers are with you both too.
As the other ladies have so nicely said, we're all willing and able to be here for you in whatever ways we can. You need prayer... you've got it. You need to vent, we'll listen. You need to cry, we'll hold you in our hearts and watch your back till you can see again.