Family is disappearing

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Shada

That is sad Janet.

My grandmother passed 4 years ago. She was the glue, or the meeting place of the family.
Since she has been gone, (grandfather passed in 1986) I have only seen my great Aunts and cousins once. I sent my cousins a email (they all live out of state) about how important family is, and to please keep in touch as grandma would want, and never heard back, other than one who lives 15 miles away.

My mother and father together have been married (and divorced) 9 times. Yep you read that right. I have many step-brothers and sisters. Ex's due to divorce. Never keep in touch. Oh and one of my ex-step brothers called me once for a date!! How sick is that!! Of course I said NO. And he is my half brothers half brother.. can you follow this??
My half brother who is also my best friend. Raised with ex-step mother. A wonderful woman. Two half sisters I was raised with that I can't hardly stand.

Plus one of my ex-step brothers dated my mother for 10 years!!
Can you say dysfunctional family?? That really made me sick. He was (and is) a true low-life that I truly hate for the misery he brought to my mother.. plus there was 35 years between ages! Honest to God.

I have always said I could write a book on my familys history and nobody would believe it.

I hate to believe it myself.

Wow Shada...maybe you really should write a book or a screenplay.

[DianaB]

I'm sorry that you're sad about your husband's family not getting together any more. I think that you should call them and let them know that you'd still like for them to come anyway. Hopefully some will still come but don't get upset with those that can't because we all have things that can come up and keep us from getting together.

After my grandparents died I thought that we probably wouldn't be seeing my aunts and cousins very much since we're all scattered over 5 states but my Mom and her sisters try to get the family together at least once a year.

For one, the girls (my Mom has 5 sisters) all take a sister's vacation with their husbands once a year. Sometimes it's a really nice vacation and sometimes it's just staying at one of their homes and shopping.

Two, one of my aunts invites the whole family to her home for Thanksgiving every other year. She has a large home and some take campers or she has a couple of children nearby that we can stay with. Some years we go and some years we don't because it's quite a drive for us.

Three, we have a weekend on Tablerock lake with whoever can come. That's what we did for our vacation and then went to Branson. It ended up that it was mostly Mom and her sisters with a couple of their cousins went. None of my first cousins were there but a couple of distant cousins were but next time it could be different.

We're a pretty close family and I really think that it's because my Mom and her sisters have chosen to keep the family close. Maybe you can come up with a day other than Thanksgiving to get together. Good luck.

[DianaB]

Wow, Shada!!!! I can't imagine growing up like that. I bet that it was really difficult and trying to explain to any one, well, I'm sure it was confusing. Writing a book might be an interesting idea!!!!

[Tiramisu]

I've had a sad realization with the death of my Mom, that there are people I'll never see again. We only saw some people at funerals anyway. I am now the oldest person in my immediate family and I just don't want the position! I went to visit my Mom about every other month and she came to spend most holidays with me, but won't go visit my sister or brother that often, so that connection will be lost.

I'm feeling like I've lost my home place.

[Janet]

That's a great idea Diana. Maybe something early summer or early fall would be a good time to plan something and then invite everyone. I'll have to do some more thinking on this. Holidays do make it bad sometimes for everyone out of state, but a mini-vacation might work. Hmmmm.

Sandy, that is exactly how I feel. When Mother's passing happens, I doubt there will be any get togethers with my two brothers. Maybe my older one, but very doubtlful for the younger one.

[Emmsmom]

Well I am in the very same boat. Without going into detail I really only have my grandmother left on my side of the family. We have been going back home for cookouts, and thanksgiving off and on for years. My DH's aunt is the one that held all of the get togethers. My DH's mom and dad would go over there as well but his 4 brothers and 1 sister never do. We NEVER go over to his mom and dad's for Christmas or Thanksgiving. He doesn't get a long well with his brothers and sister at all. Anyway my daughter LOVES going over to the farm for these get togethes. Now his aunt is dying and isn't expected to live through the week. I can't help but thinking that what little family that we do have left will be gone. The get togethers will stop I am sure once she dies. It wil be really hard on her kids I am sure.

I can certainly understand how you feel. When you don't have a large family to begin with it sure is hard to face.

[Janet]

It really is hard to face, even at this age. When hubby and I first met, he had such a huge family. His family was a his/hers/ours family. He even had all the grandparents which was totally new to me, because mine had passed right before or shortly after I was born, so I never new what grandparents were like. His were wonderful and I loved them so much.

Then of course as time goes on, the kids marry, move away, come back for visits, but then start having families of their own and it makes it harder. I understand completely, but it's just hard knowing we'll most likely never see each other again unless it would be at a funeral. Crazy isn't it...people will travel to see you dead, but not when they can enjoy you alive. Sad.