Why did you decide to have children?

Tink · 10-01-2006, 09:48 AM

I have 3 children who I love dearly. Not one of them was really "planned".
My first was a result of being a stupid immature 18 yr old. I'm glad I have her, but no way would I have intentionally gotten pregnant with her when I did. I was actually on the pill when she was concieved.

My 2nd child was concieved on my honeymoon.

After my 3rd just 23 months later, we used a permanent solution. Enough was enough!

Seriously, if you don't desperately want kids, there's no reason you should feel obligated to have any. My original plan was NOT to have any, but once again fate had other ideas. I don't regret having mine, but I honestly don't think I'd have regretted not having any either if It had turned out that way. It's a very personal, life altering decision, so don't let anyone force their opinions on you.

Ponyup · 10-02-2006, 05:17 AM

Thank you all for your thoughts & help. One thing that bothers me is that I don't want to dissappointment my mom. I know she would be a wonderful, involved grandmother, like her mother was to me, but I'm not sure this is something I can handle. I've always been a late bloomer, maybe in another couple years I'll decide this is something I can handle or maybe my brother will have children & then the pressure is off me. I agree with one of the other women it's so scary to think about how quickly these children are forced to grow up. It's really not fair, they should be allowed to be children for as long as possible.

Necee419 · 10-02-2006, 10:38 AM

I think it is so rude for people to ask "when are the babies coming?" I get this all the time. I am 30 years old and have people "politely" reminding me that my baby days are winding down. How the h@ll is it YOUR business how many child bearing years I have left?

If half of the people in this world minded their own business as much as they mind yours, this world would be a better place. Don't ever feel like you have to justify your life choices to anyone. You must do what is right for you. Bringing a child into this world is an enormous responsibility and one that should not be taken lightly. I commend you for thinking carefully about this. If more people took the time to think things through before having children, then maybe we wouldn't have so many abused, unwanted children in this world.

Janet · 10-02-2006, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Necee419

I think it is so rude for people to ask "when are the babies coming?" I get this all the time. I am 30 years old and have people "politely" reminding me that my baby days are winding down. How the h@ll is it YOUR business how many child bearing years I have left?

If half of the people in this world minded their own business as much as they mind yours, this world would be a better place. Don't ever feel like you have to justify your life choices to anyone. You must do what is right for you. Bringing a child into this world is an enormous responsibility and one that should not be taken lightly. I commend you for thinking carefully about this. If more people took the time to think things through before having children, then maybe we wouldn't have so many abused, unwanted children in this world.

DITTO!!!

Marilyn · 10-03-2006, 10:51 AM

We wanted children desperately, but that was over 20 years ago, and was another time. You should never have children until you are ready and want them badly. Due to infertility issues, we did not have children until I was 31. People had just about quit asking when we were having any, we'd married when I was 19. I heard ladies whispering at a wedding wondering when we were going to have children and concluding that something MUST be wrong.

People can be so cruel. Having or not having children is a very personal decision, and should never be taken lightly. Look at all the women in the Bible who were barren and the sadness and even ridicule they endured. We are fortunate at least in this age that we have more ability to decide what we want.

I don't know what I would do without our girls, but if you don't want to add children to the world, why not think about adopting babies already born. A couple we know adopted two 8 month old boys from Guatemala. They are so cute. Any grandmother would be proud of them and they have a wonderful family here in America. There are lots of options if you check around.

But, being childless is an okay decision, too. You will definitely have more money to use in other ways!!

Ponyup · 10-03-2006, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marilyn

We wanted children desperately, but that was over 20 years ago, and was another time. You should never have children until you are ready and want them badly. Due to infertility issues, we did not have children until I was 31. People had just about quit asking when we were having any, we'd married when I was 19. I heard ladies whispering at a wedding wondering when we were going to have children and concluding that something MUST be wrong.

People can be so cruel. Having or not having children is a very personal decision, and should never be taken lightly. Look at all the women in the Bible who were barren and the sadness and even ridicule they endured. We are fortunate at least in this age that we have more ability to decide what we want.

I don't know what I would do without our girls, but if you don't want to add children to the world, why not think about adopting babies already born. A couple we know adopted two 8 month old boys from Guatemala. They are so cute. Any grandmother would be proud of them and they have a wonderful family here in America. There are lots of options if you check around.

But, being childless is an okay decision, too. You will definitely have more money to use in other ways!!

I have actually been thinking a lot about adoption. My mom thinks that there would be a lot more problems involved with an adopted child rather than a natural birth child, but I don't agree. This is something I wish my grandmother was still around so I could speak with her about it. My mom's first cousin adopted a girl & things have turned out really well. I think I will speak to her about the adoption process. My thoughts are that I don't think I want to bring a child into this society, but it would be nice to take a child that's already here & give them a better life.

RLC12345678 · 10-03-2006, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ponyup

I have actually been thinking a lot about adoption. My mom thinks that there would be a lot more problems involved with an adopted child rather than a natural birth child, but I don't agree. This is something I wish my grandmother was still around so I could speak with her about it. My mom's first cousin adopted a girl & things have turned out really well. I think I will speak to her about the adoption process. My thoughts are that I don't think I want to bring a child into this society, but it would be nice to take a child that's already here & give them a better life.

That is a very touching perspective and so true. Did you know that Faith Hill was adopted? AND, it is obvious that Janet's son is a good example of a successful adoption. He is a fine fellow. Please keep us updated on what you decide to do. You know we will be behind you 100% whatever it is you decide.

SweetCuteness · 10-09-2006, 07:48 AM

I'm 22, and I'll also be 23 in a month... 19 days to be exact

I really want kids. I completely understand your concern and frustration with the school system. I just moved here to Arizona, so I don't even really know what the school system is like, but my guess is that it's way worse than the schools I went to in Oregon. I've thought about that a lot myself, and I think when I have kids they'll be put in Private Schools. I know a lot of people don't have the means for that, but half my family went to Private schools and didn't seem to be affected by the drugs, hate, etc.

Kids are a huge life-changing life-long commitment... and they're something that you should fully have your heart set on before you decide to bring them into this world.

Just my two cents...

magnolia · 10-10-2006, 11:10 AM

It never ceases to amaze me at the rudeness of some people! The decision to have (or not have) children rests solely with the parents-to-be....and no one else! Afterall, it is YOUR lives that will be altered with the addition of a child, whether it be a natural child of your own or one you "choose" through adoption. Once a child enters your life, gone are the carefree days - no more just picking up and going, no more spur of the moment decisions to go out of town for the week-end - can't even decide at 9:00 at night you want ice cream and go get it unless one of you stays behind with the kid(s) or you get them out of bed to take them with you! If and when the time ever comes that feels "right" to begin your family, YOU will know it in your heart. As for what to tell others when they inquire, not sure what I would say but it would be something along the lines of "We have discussed children and we aren't at a point in our lives where we are ready to make that "leap" to parenthood!

As for adoption, I applaud you for your reasons - there are just too many unwanted and unloved children out there that deserve their chance at happiness. They didn't ask to be brought into this world yet they are the ones suffering! My babysitter in New Orleans had adopted both of her daughters. She had a saying on her wall along the lines of adoption being where the baby is chosen special from the heart. I can't remember exactly what it says (that was 16 years ago) but it was something along those lines.

Now, to answer your question on why I decided to have children - I'm still pondering that myself...LOL! J/K - I love my boys immensely - wouldn't trade them for anything in the world! After 3 years of marriage, hubby and I felt we were ready to start our family but it was something he and I discussed together before trying. Hang in there and let your heart lead you both!

Mandy78 · 10-02-2006, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Necee419

I think it is so rude for people to ask "when are the babies coming?" I get this all the time. I am 30 years old and have people "politely" reminding me that my baby days are winding down. How the h@ll is it YOUR business how many child bearing years I have left?

If half of the people in this world minded their own business as much as they mind yours, this world would be a better place. Don't ever feel like you have to justify your life choices to anyone. You must do what is right for you. Bringing a child into this world is an enormous responsibility and one that should not be taken lightly. I commend you for thinking carefully about this. If more people took the time to think things through before having children, then maybe we wouldn't have so many abused, unwanted children in this world.

I totally agree!!!!!

I also get tired of people asking me..blah, blah, blah. It gets really old!
Especially my clients. I almost want to start saying, YES...We have been trying for 2 years now, just to get people off my back! But I doubt that would work! GRRR

I wish more people would think long and hard about having kids, and not just have them because thats what is supposed to happen after marriage! And true, we would not have as many unwanted kids in this world.

Janet · 10-02-2006, 03:32 PM

I just don't see how anyone could be so bold to ask such a personal question. I would never ask such a thing. Why not ask bra size....penis size....Some people just don't have a clue!!

10-02-2006, 05:36 PM

You should NEVER have children just to make someone else other than you and your husband happy. Afterall, you're going to be the one that's responsible for the child(ren) for better or for worse.

I'm pushing the envelope here sitting in my early 30's. The fact of the matter is, we know children will greatly impact our lives and our lifestyles. Although I can see the pros and cons of either choice, hubby is pretty adament about not have children...ever. The thing is, we don't want to be half-ass parents. We're both very busy with our lives and our work. It just wouldn't be fair to have children, then have them be raised by a babysitter. But not having a double income is very difficult given where we live. Add that to the turmoils of raising children in today's culture. It's enough to scare us into NOT having kids.

My parents, although they really want me to have children, know better than to nag me about it. My in-laws, are nagging me so much that I had to tell my husband to keep his parents under control before I get too annoyed and say something snippy. My mother in law is constantly telling me I'm getting old and need to have children before it's too late. If hubby (HER SON) doesn't want any then it's my responsibility to convince him otherwise. I had to bite my tongue so much in that convo 'cause all I can think is... "well, YOU go convince YOUR SON that he ought to have children soon before his old wife gets too old to have any."

I have 2 yorkies. They are my babies. And right now, that's all I need to fulfill my "maternal instincts".

10-01-2006, 09:48 AM	#1
Tink Donating 4WT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Rural Wisconsin Posts: 3,707	I have 3 children who I love dearly. Not one of them was really "planned". My first was a result of being a stupid immature 18 yr old. I'm glad I have her, but no way would I have intentionally gotten pregnant with her when I did. I was actually on the pill when she was concieved. My 2nd child was concieved on my honeymoon. After my 3rd just 23 months later, we used a permanent solution. Enough was enough! Seriously, if you don't desperately want kids, there's no reason you should feel obligated to have any. My original plan was NOT to have any, but once again fate had other ideas. I don't regret having mine, but I honestly don't think I'd have regretted not having any either if It had turned out that way. It's a very personal, life altering decision, so don't let anyone force their opinions on you. __________________ 'A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in.. And how many want out.' England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair'

10-03-2006, 10:51 AM	#5
Marilyn Donating 4WT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: South Texas Posts: 4,907	We wanted children desperately, but that was over 20 years ago, and was another time. You should never have children until you are ready and want them badly. Due to infertility issues, we did not have children until I was 31. People had just about quit asking when we were having any, we'd married when I was 19. I heard ladies whispering at a wedding wondering when we were going to have children and concluding that something MUST be wrong. People can be so cruel. Having or not having children is a very personal decision, and should never be taken lightly. Look at all the women in the Bible who were barren and the sadness and even ridicule they endured. We are fortunate at least in this age that we have more ability to decide what we want. I don't know what I would do without our girls, but if you don't want to add children to the world, why not think about adopting babies already born. A couple we know adopted two 8 month old boys from Guatemala. They are so cute. Any grandmother would be proud of them and they have a wonderful family here in America. There are lots of options if you check around. But, being childless is an okay decision, too. You will definitely have more money to use in other ways!! __________________ Marilyn If anyone would like a free Bible Study CD or book entitled "Searching for Truth", PM me with your mailing address and I'll send you one. "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." John 8:32

10-09-2006, 07:48 AM	#8
SweetCuteness Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Oro Valley, AZ Posts: 120	I'm 22, and I'll also be 23 in a month... 19 days to be exact I really want kids. I completely understand your concern and frustration with the school system. I just moved here to Arizona, so I don't even really know what the school system is like, but my guess is that it's way worse than the schools I went to in Oregon. I've thought about that a lot myself, and I think when I have kids they'll be put in Private Schools. I know a lot of people don't have the means for that, but half my family went to Private schools and didn't seem to be affected by the drugs, hate, etc. Kids are a huge life-changing life-long commitment... and they're something that you should fully have your heart set on before you decide to bring them into this world. Just my two cents... __________________ Britta Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies.

10-10-2006, 11:10 AM	#9
magnolia Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Mississippi Posts: 482	It never ceases to amaze me at the rudeness of some people! The decision to have (or not have) children rests solely with the parents-to-be....and no one else! Afterall, it is YOUR lives that will be altered with the addition of a child, whether it be a natural child of your own or one you "choose" through adoption. Once a child enters your life, gone are the carefree days - no more just picking up and going, no more spur of the moment decisions to go out of town for the week-end - can't even decide at 9:00 at night you want ice cream and go get it unless one of you stays behind with the kid(s) or you get them out of bed to take them with you! If and when the time ever comes that feels "right" to begin your family, YOU will know it in your heart. As for what to tell others when they inquire, not sure what I would say but it would be something along the lines of "We have discussed children and we aren't at a point in our lives where we are ready to make that "leap" to parenthood! As for adoption, I applaud you for your reasons - there are just too many unwanted and unloved children out there that deserve their chance at happiness. They didn't ask to be brought into this world yet they are the ones suffering! My babysitter in New Orleans had adopted both of her daughters. She had a saying on her wall along the lines of adoption being where the baby is chosen special from the heart. I can't remember exactly what it says (that was 16 years ago) but it was something along those lines. Now, to answer your question on why I decided to have children - I'm still pondering that myself...LOL! J/K - I love my boys immensely - wouldn't trade them for anything in the world! After 3 years of marriage, hubby and I felt we were ready to start our family but it was something he and I discussed together before trying. Hang in there and let your heart lead you both! __________________ Suzi "Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been"....Jimmy Buffett

10-02-2006, 03:32 PM	#11
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,625	I just don't see how anyone could be so bold to ask such a personal question. I would never ask such a thing. Why not ask bra size....penis size....Some people just don't have a clue!! __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

10-02-2006, 05:17 AM	#2
Ponyup Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 659	Thank you all for your thoughts & help. One thing that bothers me is that I don't want to dissappointment my mom. I know she would be a wonderful, involved grandmother, like her mother was to me, but I'm not sure this is something I can handle. I've always been a late bloomer, maybe in another couple years I'll decide this is something I can handle or maybe my brother will have children & then the pressure is off me. I agree with one of the other women it's so scary to think about how quickly these children are forced to grow up. It's really not fair, they should be allowed to be children for as long as possible.

10-02-2006, 10:38 AM	#3
Necee419 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Bronx, NY Posts: 283	I think it is so rude for people to ask "when are the babies coming?" I get this all the time. I am 30 years old and have people "politely" reminding me that my baby days are winding down. How the h@ll is it YOUR business how many child bearing years I have left? If half of the people in this world minded their own business as much as they mind yours, this world would be a better place. Don't ever feel like you have to justify your life choices to anyone. You must do what is right for you. Bringing a child into this world is an enormous responsibility and one that should not be taken lightly. I commend you for thinking carefully about this. If more people took the time to think things through before having children, then maybe we wouldn't have so many abused, unwanted children in this world.

10-02-2006, 05:36 PM	#12
hunbun Guest Posts: n/a	You should NEVER have children just to make someone else other than you and your husband happy. Afterall, you're going to be the one that's responsible for the child(ren) for better or for worse. I'm pushing the envelope here sitting in my early 30's. The fact of the matter is, we know children will greatly impact our lives and our lifestyles. Although I can see the pros and cons of either choice, hubby is pretty adament about not have children...ever. The thing is, we don't want to be half-ass parents. We're both very busy with our lives and our work. It just wouldn't be fair to have children, then have them be raised by a babysitter. But not having a double income is very difficult given where we live. Add that to the turmoils of raising children in today's culture. It's enough to scare us into NOT having kids. My parents, although they really want me to have children, know better than to nag me about it. My in-laws, are nagging me so much that I had to tell my husband to keep his parents under control before I get too annoyed and say something snippy. My mother in law is constantly telling me I'm getting old and need to have children before it's too late. If hubby (HER SON) doesn't want any then it's my responsibility to convince him otherwise. I had to bite my tongue so much in that convo 'cause all I can think is... "well, YOU go convince YOUR SON that he ought to have children soon before his old wife gets too old to have any." I have 2 yorkies. They are my babies. And right now, that's all I need to fulfill my "maternal instincts".

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