abusive relationship help

[HALEY]

i know i was going to stay out of this thread but i can't , Janet i also brought up the "child thing", if you are 23 years old, you are likely having sex with this man, and there is always a chance of getting pregnant if you are having sex.. If any man hits you once out of anger, whatever the excuse is, he will hit you again.
I think you two really need to sit down and talk about your relationship, maybe take some time apart.. Date other people.. Just do whats best for yourself!.. Talk to God about it.. That's what i do when i'm down...
I just don't want you to go thru what i went thru, i would just walk away for now..
But it's your dissussion. if you think you can work it out, it's going to take alot, alot, alot of hard work for both of you!

[pope1982]

I was going to say Jingle came across as a bit psycho in her response to Betty.

I was also going to bring up the fact that she never said anything about having children with him. Come on now, just because she is 23, does not mean she is not educated on how to use protection. She opened this thread up for opinions, it's not a free for all on her life and however she is choosing or not choosing to live it.

This thread is getting out about as out of control as I had anticipated it would!
None of us are perfect, and since when are any of our relationships?
All we know about the woman, is what her fingers have typed since she's joined and so far I see her having to defend herself every post when all she wanted was some sort of support system in a moment when she felt scared and alone.
I know I certainly felt that way more than a few times in the first few years we started out. And as I said, I am woman enough to admit and face dead on that I have been down some very rough bumpy paths years ago, so I speak from experience.

It is possible he struck her out of fear after he felt attacked. It doesn't make him horrible in my books, just a regular, insensitive (at times) man who reacted and deserves a chance to prove himself to her. If she puts her foot down, and tells him "look that got out of control, I don't want to live that way let's start fresh"... do you think he'd not agree? I'm sure he'd rather put it behind him as well.
And how is this for mind blowing, I don't even think they need anger management. I think they need better communication and to support one another through those rough emotional patches.

I made it a point whenever we had our arguments, to talk to him afterwards and tell him exactly how he made me feel taking things out on me, rather than talking to me. When you help someone to see their behavior through someone else's eyes, that is a tremendous experience and I have been told more than once "thank you" when someone I love asks me for an honest answer regarding their behavior, because they had never known that was how they handled something until it was pointed out to them.

Is there any hope left for this thread, or have we nothing better to do than instruct her to simply give up? Sure there are "plenty of fish in the sea", but can (most of) you imagine your lives without your husbands? Or how would you have felt trying to figure out the complexity of navigating an adult relationship in the beginning if that were all that was being told to you. To give up on the man you love because he didn't fit what other people thought was proper of him.

Betty, I never said thank you for sharing your story with us.

[pope1982]

Sorry Haley, I took this from your thread lol

Dear GOD,

The Lady reading this is Beautiful, Classy and Strong. Help her live her life to the Fullest. Please Promote her and cause her to Excel above expectations. Help her to Shine in darkest places and Love where it is impossible to LOVE.
Amen

[HALEY]

no problem Pope, i think bettyboop needs it right now .. maybe it will put her in a good mood today...

Originally Posted by pope1982

I was going to say Jingle came across as a bit psycho in her response to Betty.

I was also going to bring up the fact that she never said anything about having children with him. Come on now, just because she is 23, does not mean she is not educated on how to use protection. She opened this thread up for opinions, it's not a free for all on her life and however she is choosing or not choosing to live it.

This thread is getting out about as out of control as I had anticipated it would!
None of us are perfect, and since when are any of our relationships?
All we know about the woman, is what her fingers have typed since she's joined and so far I see her having to defend herself every post when all she wanted was some sort of support system in a moment when she felt scared and alone.
I know I certainly felt that way more than a few times in the first few years we started out. And as I said, I am woman enough to admit and face dead on that I have been down some very rough bumpy paths years ago, so I speak from experience.

It is possible he struck her out of fear after he felt attacked. It doesn't make him horrible in my books, just a regular, insensitive (at times) man who reacted and deserves a chance to prove himself to her. If she puts her foot down, and tells him "look that got out of control, I don't want to live that way let's start fresh"... do you think he'd not agree? I'm sure he'd rather put it behind him as well.
And how is this for mind blowing, I don't even think they need anger management. I think they need better communication and to support one another through those rough emotional patches.

I made it a point whenever we had our arguments, to talk to him afterwards and tell him exactly how he made me feel taking things out on me, rather than talking to me. When you help someone to see their behavior through someone else's eyes, that is a tremendous experience and I have been told more than once "thank you" when someone I love asks me for an honest answer regarding their behavior, because they had never known that was how they handled something until it was pointed out to them.

Is there any hope left for this thread, or have we nothing better to do than instruct her to simply give up? Sure there are "plenty of fish in the sea", but can (most of) you imagine your lives without your husbands? Or how would you have felt trying to figure out the complexity of navigating an adult relationship in the beginning if that were all that was being told to you. To give up on the man you love because he didn't fit what other people thought was proper of him.

Betty, I never said thank you for sharing your story with us.

Ah thank you so much Pope!! your entry made me tear up a little bit, I really needed to hear this and glad at least a couple of people on here understand where I'm coming from! you'd said everything I was going to say so thank you.. right now im really taking all of your opinions into consideration.. i really am.. none of my friends know about this.. the 2 that i was talking about that knew, only know things like this happened in the past but not recently so you guys are the only one that know.

also thank you haley and janet- your recent comments were helpful too