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#1 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 1,075
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I was thinking the same thing - maybe there was an attraction that the new girlfriend was picking up on. He must be getting something out of that relationship for him to still be in it - it's very sad that your relationship with him has suffered because of it!
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#2 |
Donating 4WT Talker
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 3,764
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Personally I feel that he's just scared to leave her. Every time he has tried, she told him she's trying to kill herself. She threatens that constantly. He still lives with his parents and she gets angry if he is doing something for his mom instead of being with her. When we actually WERE talking he told me he's too young to be this serious and he hates how she tries to control his life. But I don't think he wants to be responsible for her hurting herself. And I think he knows that now he has alienated his friends enough that he doesn't really have anyone left if she's gone.
The last time I hung out with him, I said jokingly "Wow, Katie is letting you see me?" and in total seriousness he said "Yeah she made me promise that I wouldn't have sex with you" ... really. He was serious. She was serious. I laughed it off but inside I couldn't believe it. I couldn't imagine thinking that or saying that to a boyfriend! How untrusting can you get?? Anyways, the plan was to play video games that night, and I ended up playing by myself at his house while he sat in the corner texting her every 5 seconds and not paying attention to me at all. I was sick of it, and then he said Katie really needed him so he had to drive me home and go see her.
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Lindsey "I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it..." -Marilyn Monroe |
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#3 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 659
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I just wanted to say, I know exactly how you feel & I know how much it hurts. My best friend my junior year in high school through my junior year in college was a boy two years younger than me. We did everything together, just the 2 of us. I don't know if he was attracted to me, but I wasn't to him. I was the only person his mom liked & everyone thought we were dating. He followed me to purdue & always joked that once I got married he would live in my pool house. Once he got to college I pushed him to join a frat & make his own friends because I knew I couldn't be his everything forever. He did join a frat & make a lot of new friends & stopped being my friend in the process. It was really hard at the time, but I knew it was for the best. I know the situation is way different, but the feelings were the same. I feel just like you do when he wouldn't return my calls or couldn't hang out with me for whatever reason. you are not overreacting, but you can't make him be your friend if he doesn't want to be for whatever reason. You just have to let him know that your door is always open.
I also think it's sad that he's stuck in that kind of relationship. The girl needs therapy & you're friend cannot fix her. He's really in an abusive relationship. I hope one day he gets tired of her making him feel this way & helps her get the help she needs. |
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#4 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 673
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There is an old saying that is geared towards mothers and sons, but I believe the same can go for dozens of relationships between a man and a woman.
"Your daughter is your daughter for life, your son is your son until he takes a wife." I know you feel it is kind of harsh right now but it is normal for him to pull away as he is starting to get serious about a girl. This sounds like his first serious relationship and you can't really judge it because as you know with Kyle, relationships are all different. You can look at it like, he trusted you enough to tell you his deepest darkest thoughts/worries/fears what have you but obviously he wants to be with the girl and he is trying to make her happy, however the case may be. He may also feel a little silly for sharing what he has shared thus far. I've noticed it is hard for women to let go, even for myself sometimes with my own brothers and I love my sister in laws to death, but usually you are not completely cut out of their lives. I know you miss all the good times but things can't stay the same forever especially as your lives take different turns. If the foundation is strong, it can withhold you both putting down roots ![]() You have to accept the change and like you said move on. I wouldn't make him feel guilty anymore if you really care about him and if I were you, if he were to come to you to try and vent about relationship problems, I would tell him you don't want to be involved because you will get your ideas about her and give your opinion and he will probably be mad at you when they reconcile so you'd rather not hear it. It's also not fair to hear one side to the story in my opinion... Let him know you enjoy hanging with him when the air is clear so you can let loose, unfair tension only makes you uncomfortable. Literally, I know I tense up physically and point out the nearest exits mentally when people try to dump their problems on me and I can't get a word in edge wise. ![]() I worry about you sometimes Lindsey! You are so nice, young and beautiful. You can't let so many things and relationships let you down and disappoint you girl. You have a long life ahead of you, live life your own way and to hell with anyone who doesn't want to stick around for your ride. Remember, if someone doesn't make it to your future, there is a reason. ![]() Never have any regrets. You got out what you needed, now let it be. That is obviously how they want things right now. Only time will tell. Last edited by pope1982; 09-12-2008 at 09:01 AM. |
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#5 |
Donating 4WT Talker
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 3,764
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I know I'm not going to try to contact him anymore. If he wants to get in touch with me, the ball's in his court.
I just really wish he would TELL me what's going on. All I want is some honesty. He'll say "Yeah I'll definitely come out with you tonight! See you later!" and then not show up and ignore everyone until everyone forgets about it. That's how he was earlier this year. It's just so much less hurtful if he says "I won't be out, I'm spending time with Katie tonight" or he could tell me that he just can't work his relationship and spending so much time with me anymore, instead of one day out of nowhere just BLOCKING me. It's hurtful, to say the least. I just feel that with being with him through thick and thin, through happy relationships and breakups, we'd always be the first to call each other, and I think after everything I deserve a little more respect than what he's giving me. I miss him and his family like crazy but I guess it is what it is. I just feel so REJECTED.
__________________
Lindsey "I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it..." -Marilyn Monroe |
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#6 |
Donating 4WT Yakker
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Where Else But the Jersey Shore
Posts: 129
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I think he must really love this girl (screw ball or not) and that he's trying not to hurt you but does not know how to tell you that he does not want to be bothered anymore. Don't take this wrong but he may feel that you want more then friendship (or) he may feel that he's cheating by having a secret friendship with you. Either way he's chosen this girl and believe me I know that hurts but honestly you will be far better off if you just forget him. He may come back to you again one day but you have to let HIM come to you and not force it otherwise you will definately lose him forever. I hope it works out. Elaine
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#7 |
Moderator
Donating 4WT 18K Club Member |
You know Lindsey, I just thought of something. Maybe he's staying away from you and all his other friends because he really does care about her, but knows how you all feel about her. Maybe he's afraid to tell you all that he really loves her (even if she's nuts) so he just stays away and that way won't have to listen to people trying to advise him to put some distance between him and her. Some guys will never admit they are 'whipped' in any way.
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To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1 |
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