The second meeting

[gja1000]

Lindsay, my gut feeling, even though I don't have any good advice and I don't have any experience with this kind of thing is to RUN - RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!

Given a choice, I would not want to ever be a part of that family nor would I want my children to be part of that family - ever. I don't like the answers that his sisters gave, at all! It sounds to me, that they could be as callous and uncaring as his mom.

Unless you all can move far far away, I would be very hesitant to subject myself to that treatment, even for a visit.

Of course, that is easy for me to say. And there have been others who say they had a similar experience with a mother-in-law and it did get better. So, I'm just giving you my gut feeling, not really any advice at all.

[pope1982]

Sadly, our situation has never improved. The way we handle it has
I'm never one to sugar coat, it is is a lot of work. Definitely high maintenance and a huge sacrifice but when you truly love someone, sacrifice is easy.
My new MIL didn't even attend our wedding. When I hand delivered her the invitation on Thanksgiving, I was told to stick it up my ass because she couldn't get her way with OUR wedding
It was embarassing, degrading and the last shot I am giving a relationship with her because every time I try, I get kicked harder when she snaps out of the front she is putting up because she is using me to get info about her son and our life together (he's a smart man, keeps his distance. I am the dummy that kept falling for her guilt trips and wanting the relationship to work so badly I put myself in the line of fire)

Oh well, it was the best night of our lives to spite her.

Well, I guess I shouldn't say it hasn't improved, because in a way it has. She used to call 3 times a day to ask him what he had eaten, what he was doing... etc.
Now it is quiet and peaceful, until the holidays roll around *sigh*

Our children will not know this dysfunction, I told my husband long ago I will not subject them to the brain washing and the mental torture. He agrees it is our choice and we have to do what is best for our family. It is not the ideal family life I'd always envisioned, but like Judy said, you are building your own family.
Besides, life is 10% how you make it and 90% how you take it.

[pope1982]

Here are a few adrenaline pumping, inspirational tunes

You Tube

You Tube

[Lindsey]

Thanks pope! I love that quote, "life is 10% how you make it and 90% how you take it."
He just called his mom to talk about her resentment towards me. I'm getting the info on the conversation right now... in Scott's words:

"my mom said she is sorry ... she didn't mean to make you feel that way. and both of them liked you ... polite, you played cards .. and you even offered to help ..
but as my parents have always told me ... when i bring friends over... if they don't talk and tease... they don't like ya..
my mom thought you were great and she liked that you were tall..."

Okay but it wasn't just teasing, it was insulting! My dad teased Scott about practicing playing some pool before he comes back, and that's normal teasing. Telling someone that things they own are ugly, the way they have raised their dog is disgusting, they are uneducated because they went to a small town school, that's not just teasing.
Now he said that she told him that nothing she said was meant to hurt me, but next time she will be more careful about what she says, and that she hopes there is a next time.
I don't know what to think now. Is she really serious or just trying to make Scott not be mad at her anymore?

[Blueyes]

She's trying to make it look like it's YOUR fault because of the way you took her teasing! She'll never take responsibility for how she treats you, sweety. It sounds like she treats you just like one of her own kids..AWFUL!!

[Lindsey]

She said something else to him about an hour later on msn and he copied and pasted it to me. She just went online and said "Okay now I feel really bad" and then on and on about how she didn't mean to be hurtful to me and from now on she will watch what she says. I'm not sure if she's saying these things to make Scott stop being mad at her, or if she really means it.
I feel like already his sisters think I'm a big baby for complaining about it all. His one sister said "And about the dog... it IS gross that it pees inside but that's her choice i guess"
I will give it another shot. I like Scott too much to give up on it right now. And there's something else to look forward to that I will post in another thread...

[judy]

Originally Posted by Lindsey

She said something else to him about an hour later on msn and he copied and pasted it to me. She just went online and said "Okay now I feel really bad" and then on and on about how she didn't mean to be hurtful to me and from now on she will watch what she says. I'm not sure if she's saying these things to make Scott stop being mad at her, or if she really means it.
I feel like already his sisters think I'm a big baby for complaining about it all. His one sister said "And about the dog... it IS gross that it pees inside but that's her choice i guess"
I will give it another shot. I like Scott too much to give up on it right now. And there's something else to look forward to that I will post in another thread...

A woman who actually punishes her son for having anything to do with girls, to the point that he is still impacted by it, is not "alright." The fact that her daughters are like her does not mean that you are a baby, or wrong in your assessment of the situation. They were raised by her after all. That's who they take after, or maybe her craziness is inherited.

I really feel there is something very "off" with this woman, and that even if she tries, she is not going to change.

So - here's my thought. What does she have to do with you and Scott? Other than your expectation that his family will be nice, and your children will have them in their lives, they are just not that important in the end. If Scott can deal with seeing them very rarely, and you can deal with all of that, then that's all that matters.

I would not give her any more chances. What is she getting a chance to do? She showed herself to you already, like you said.

I also banned my second MIL from calling my house, and I stopped having anything to do with her a couple of years before Joel and I separated. Actually, she was a sweet, loving woman. She and Joel had a totally co-dependent relationship, and I felt like a third party. After she was out of the picture, I had the space to know him without her interference. Obviously, I did not want to be with him, etc., etc.

Getting her out of my life and my marriage was not a big deal though. I am much older than you, and I just do not have anything to do with toxic people.

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by Blueyes

She's trying to make it look like it's YOUR fault because of the way you took her teasing! She'll never take responsibility for how she treats you, sweety......

I agree. I think that she's being manipulative!!!