My Husband had an affair with "my best friend"

Oh I wish I knew what to tell you. All I can say is to stay strong...definitly cut ties with your friend. It will always make you think. I will keep you in my prayers and remember, we support you in any way we can!

[rivermom]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I have a very dear friend who has experienced her hubby cheating on her now more than once. Within a year he has cheated on her with two very dear friends of hers. Needless to say her heart is broken and she still continues to love her husband, forgive him, and try to move forward in her life. She feels of course that she cannot trust her husband not to mention her own girl friends. (of course she trusts me though!! )

Know that you are NOT alone with this, as there indeed are others. I can only give you the same advise I gave my girl friend. And, that is to follow her heart and do what she feels is best. No matter what choices she makes regarding her marriage I will support her and always be there for her when needed. It would be much easier for me to sit and tell her what I feel she should do but that isn't my place, it isn't the right thing to do.

Only YOU can decide what is best for you. The bottom line is you deserve happiness, and I hope you find this.

[Kimberley]

WOWSERS! I am so sorry that this happened to you. The only thing that I can compare it to is when my first husband was working out of town and was sleeping with a bartender. He was there probably 6-8 weeks and that "relationship" lasted that long. Fortunately for me, I'm not with him any longer but there were much more toxic things in our relationship.

You are a strong woman to stay with your husband. VERY strong. These things take so much time and the fact that you're forgiving him speaks volumes about you.

Loose the friend. Ask her to stop calling and if she persists, change your phone number and have it unlisted. You don't need a friend like that. Women are suppose to stick together. Not go after the one thing that should be ours alone.

I hope that you find peace in the future. Humans unfortunately can't forget some things like animals can. I think that God should have made memories of hurtful events non-existant.

Hang in there. You've found a great group of women who will always have a shoulder to lean on.

[rivermom]

Originally Posted by Kimberley

WOWSERS! I am so sorry that this happened to you. The only thing that I can compare it to is when my first husband was working out of town and was sleeping with a bartender. He was there probably 6-8 weeks and that "relationship" lasted that long. Fortunately for me, I'm not with him any longer but there were much more toxic things in our relationship.

You are a strong woman to stay with your husband. VERY strong. These things take so much time and the fact that you're forgiving him speaks volumes about you.

Loose the friend. Ask her to stop calling and if she persists, change your phone number and have it unlisted. You don't need a friend like that. Women are suppose to stick together. Not go after the one thing that should be ours alone.

I hope that you find peace in the future. Humans unfortunately can't forget some things like animals can. I think that God should have made memories of hurtful events non-existant.

Hang in there. You've found a great group of women who will always have a shoulder to lean on.

I so much agree with Kimberley about losing the friend. She is NOT your friend whatsoever. You don't need this kind of person in your life, she does NOT deserve you anyway as a friend.

I feel bad that this has happened to you. I agree with what's already been said....ditch the 'friend' & try to go to counceling together. Try to dig out the 'why' behind the 'what' & work on mending the root of the problem.

You are a strong lady for trying to work it out, when so many men would simply walk away to proud to follow what their heart is telling them.

People do all sorts of things when they are going through rough times.....eat, drink, work out, etc. It sounds like you're like me as I too will open up that bottle of wine. BUT, you need a clear head. Something that I found helps me, when I'm working out an emotional situation or something is to simply GET AWAY!! What I mean is take some YOU time. If you can afford to, go on a vacation all by yourself. Get away from your daily duties (distractions) and spend some time thinking & working through your thoughts. If you can't do this, how about taking a day off & going for a long walk or a drive in the car into the country?

[Gina]

This is a tough situation to be in, but as most have said she is not your friend, friends don't do this. If this was an affair where you do not know the woman, I would say she is not the only one at fault. But you have a double whammy, being she was a friend. You didn't say if she is married, and if so does her husband know of what went on? The only advice I will give you is you can no longer be her friend, I would never trust her again no matter what. No one can tell you to leave your husband or not, only you know that answer, you should follow your gut. Your gut never steers you wrong. Just remember that life is short and you must be happy with yourself regardless what you decide..

I really appreciate all your advice and kind words. You all all so kind, I wish I would had you when I was in the middle of that mess. Like I said, it's good to have have some one to talk too, I never knew what the right thing to do was. SOOOOOOO...I just followed my heart.
I guess I didn't explain things very good. I am no longer in contact with the "friend". She did call me alot during the affair. Trying to talk me into letting him leave with her. However he really didn't want to go with her. Like I mentioned before. All he wanted was his cake and eat it too.
I found out from her husband. He called to tell me that she had told him "she was in love with my husband and they were going to move in together". I called my husband ( We will call him "D"). And he confirmed that information. I ask him to come home so we could talk about it. And we did. WOW! He told me the whole story. How it started, (been going on for 1 mo. at that time).
I took some time to think and decided that I wasn't going to let her win. It was quite a 6 mo. struggle. I threw him out and begged him to stay all most every day. She would call me and leave terrible messages some times 15-20 messages a day. The messages show what a crazy women she had become. Someone I had never knew. I could tell you ladies something’s that she did you would never believe.
One example before I knew about the affair, she called me call me at work wanted to come take me out for lunch. She showed up late and we rushed through the lunch. What really happen that day..... She had sex with "D", took me to lunch , went back to have sex with "D". then when her husband came home had sex with him and after all that, she and her husband had dinner with us. Now that's what I call a good dependable friend..

I could go on and on with stories like that. but what I'm really trying to do is move on. Of course we have had to change our phone numbers 5 times. It didn't take long until the affair became a "fatal attraction" situation. But by March is was finally over. It took the 2 of us to fight her off of us and out of out life. The last time she tried to call him and sent him a text message we forwarded those on to her husband’s cell phone.. that was 2 mos. ago. We are working very had to get through this. We have talked about canceling but don think we will go that route just yet. Things are getting better. We sold out house and moved away from them. But before we did that they bought a home 5 miles from us back in Dec. 05 she was already planning her future with "D" at that time. LOL 5 times he was suppose to leave me and 5 times he left her holding her bags. She was a good persuader, but never good enough I guess.