Time for the Nitty Gritty...

Hi there. This is my first post here! Thanks to yorkietalk.com for giving me this lovely new forum!

In my relationship (which has just ended) the sex was not particularly great. It was ALL he wasn't interested in. No conversation, No cuddling or anything like that just straight for the goods, as it were! BLECH!

All I can say is thank goodness it's all over!

[Janet]

If we're all being honest here...then I will have to say I HATE IT!! Maybe it would be good with someone else, but not with my husband. Please don't think that's bad. We started dating when I was 15 (51 now) and after all these years, I'm just not interested. He use to try to wake me at 3 or 4 in the morning, I had a full time job, so I stopped that real guick. There have been others reasons for my desire declining for him. Now it's just that I have to do most everything and well, to me it was just another job that had to be done. It's been years and I mean years and I don't miss it at all.

Guess I need to start another thread..after posting above, I feel I need to vent some...I just don't want to sound awful, it's just how I feel. Maybe I need to wait.

[Ponyup]

My husband & I's sex life has actually been good lately. twice already this week & I just ended my monthly visitor on tues. so things are going well.

The problem I have with my hubby is I think I see him too often. When we were dating we were long distance & only saw each other on the weekends. Needless to say most of the weekends were spent in bed.

The one big problem is that my husband is not a very physical person like most men. you know how most men think with or on behalf of their male part 95% of the time or more well my husband uses his actual brain 95% of the time. This is why I fell for him. I have a body most men find desirable & most of my relationships were more physically than mental more times than not. I was so excited to find a man that enjoyed spending time with me & not just in bed. However, now that I know he loves me for my mind I wish he would be more about my body more often, but I know you can't have it both ways.

Also he was not terribly experienced when we met & wasn't really into learning. However, he did fit me perfectly if you know what I mean. I tried to teach him, but I didn't really know what i was doing either. I was used to more experienced men & when they'd do something I liked I'd let them know & then they'd do it again.

However, lately he's either learned what to do as far as foreplay goes or I've lowered my expectations, but things have been really good lately & really enjoyable. Don't ask me what's changed, I don't know, but I do like it.

Sorry so long & so detailed I really enjoy talking about sex. Again don't know why.

[hle_625]

Me and my hubby have been together for over 5 years. And our sex life is still awesome! We have sex alot! We were each others first so it makes it more special to me. I feel for you guys that dont have sex very often, I dont know how you do it, I love sex! LOL

[ginab]

holy crap, did you say sex!!!! non friggin stop, i have to run away from him..
he is just a horny son of a gun,, anytime, anywhere, anyplace... he is just nuts..
you ever heard of too much., well thats me...ouch i tellya.... i beg him
PLEASE leave me alone tonight....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.. sometimes i just cant.

Originally Posted by ginab

holy crap, did you say sex!!!! non friggin stop, i have to run away from him..
he is just a horny son of a gun,, anytime, anywhere, anyplace... he is just nuts..
you ever heard of too much., well thats me...ouch i tellya.... i beg him
PLEASE leave me alone tonight....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.. sometimes i just cant.

OUCHIE!!!!i have been there before...i tell him it's too sore and he's gonna have to kiss it better!!! guess you gave him a taste of something he likes!!!

I would have sex 30 times a week if it were at all possible, but it's been about 3x a week. Not bad.

[Mandy]

Originally Posted by Kristy

I would have sex 30 times a week if it were at all possible, but it's been about 3x a week. Not bad.

30x a week??? Good God could you still walk after??

My husband is on 20MG of Lexapro. He has been on Paxil before and some other ones too but they just didn't help with his anxiety/depression. Lexapro is the only thing that has helped him so far and he has been on it for probably going on about 3 years, maybe more who knows. He doesn't have any problem what so ever with his uhhh manhood staying up lmao however he just totally has no sex drive what so ever. Like I said in the last post I made, he will get interested about once every 3 months. Which is pretty pathetic considering that we are still young. It pisses me off though because we can only have sex when he wants to, how come it can never be when I want it? And when he wants sex, he wants sex, and he expects it right then and there. Total opposite for me though. I don't get it at all when I want it, it's only on his time. I know that his no sex drive is something that he can't help, it's the medication thats doing it. But I have tried to talk to him about going to the doctor and getting something to help him overcome this problem and he refuses to go so what can I do I guess he is just embarrassed. It's embarrassing for me though, because everyone I know ask us when we are going to have a baby because they know I want one. Well I have just been telling them, I don't know- I just haven't been able to get pregnant yet- don't really know whats wrong. Well then they all tell me that I should go to the doctor and get checked out to see whats going on with me, when in all actuality I know exactly whats wrong. Ya can't get pregnant if ya don't have sex! I just don't want to go around telling everyone, oh yeah I'm not pregnant because my husband and I never have sex, ya know? There was a point where my husband and I had talked and decided that we really did want to try to start having a baby, because for a while he said that he was just too scared and wasn't ready to become a father. Well after we had that discussion and decided that we were going to start trying- and this was over a year ago- I started keeping up with everything as far as my most fertile days go. Well I would let him know when we needed to try and the first couple times it was fine, and then he started acting like it was such a chore to him. OMG I cannot even tell you how humiliating that was for me. I felt like I was being like guy and begging him to have sex. I would cry and cry for hours. Sometimes I would feel hurt and other times I would just be so damn mad about the whole thing. It's like he promised me that we would start trying, and then he acted like I was just bothering him and I was just in his way so to speak. When I would cry he would comfort me, ask me whats wrong and all that, and when I would tell him he would say I told you we are going to start trying and I told you that we will have a baby. Well answer me this- how in the hell am I ever going to get pregnant if we don't have sex! I would just get so frustrated. It was just think he was saying one thing to get me to calm down and completely doing another. Finally I just gave up. I feel as though we are never going to have children. That's honestly what I believe and it makes me sick. He knew when we first started dating that having kids was very important to me and that it was the one thing I wanted most out of life. I made that very clear to him from the get go. I wouldn't have married someone who did not want kids. I don't want to have my first child when I'm over 30. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but my parents had kids really late in life and I just prefer to have them earlier in life. Especially my first. I don't know, just talking about all this makes me sick. And it makes me even more angry at him for not wanting to do something about it. I just wanna tell him how stupid he sounds when he goes around telling everyone that we are going to have kids because in the back of my mind I'm thinking- no we're not. It isn't possible with hardly any sex life at all. I don't know I am at a complete loss. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with it and realize that I will probably never because a mother like I had always dreamed of. And I'm sorry but it's his fault for taking that dream away from me. I'm just so angry..

Omg I just realized how long that was- sorry I just had to vent..

[Kimberley]

Originally Posted by Kristy

I would have sex 30 times a week if it were at all possible, but it's been about 3x a week. Not bad.

HOLY MOSES! YOU GO, GIRL!!!!!

[Tink]

About 6 yrs ago I ordered Viagra online for my hubby thinkng it might help his "problem" and impress upon him that I was still interested. I got only 6 tablets to see if they would work before I ordered more. He tried them, they worked great and he never even finished using those 6. It's been a LONG dry spell and if I mention it, he gives me a dozen reasons about why it's dangerous for him to use the pills. (he sounds like he's reading it off the pamphlet that comes from the pharmacy even though he is perfectly healthy and had NO side affects when he used them.)

He rarely hugs me, maybe kisses me goodbye when he leaves each Sunday for work and doesn't want to discuss that I might have needs even if he doesn't. All intimacy between us is gone, so I just absorb myself in the kids, grandkids, the house, my job, etc. I seriously don't tell anyone this, but since you asked... I miss that aspect of life, but not enough to leave him over it, and he's made it clear he's not going to change.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Tink

About 6 yrs ago I ordered Viagra online for my hubby thinkng it might help his "problem" and impress upon him that I was still interested. I got only 6 tablets to see if they would work before I ordered more. He tried them, they worked great and he never even finished using those 6. It's been a LONG dry spell and if I mention it, he gives me a dozen reasons about why it's dangerous for him to use the pills. (he sounds like he's reading it off the pamphlet that comes from the pharmacy even though he is perfectly healthy and had NO side affects when he used them.)

He rarely hugs me, maybe kisses me goodbye when he leaves each Sunday for work and doesn't want to discuss that I might have needs even if he doesn't. All intimacy between us is gone, so I just absorb myself in the kids, grandkids, the house, my job, etc. I seriously don't tell anyone this, but since you asked... I miss that aspect of life, but not enough to leave him over it, and he's made it clear he's not going to change.

May I put my two cents in. I don't think that he is fair to you. You are still a young woman who has needs and wants. He is being very selfish, like you said its not that he is unhealthy. You are filling your void in your children, grandkids etc. which is a good thing , but you should be number one now. I am not a therapist, but maybe going to a marriage counseler would help. We all need to feel wanted and loved. If you can accept it then you have made your choice and who is anyone to say differently. As long as your happy within...Is he good to you in other ways? Sex usually dwindles as you get older but much older.

[BabyNicole]

The only person I have sex with right now is myself (no man in my life)! LOLOL Just bust out with the toys and extra batteries, and I'm satisfied.

Now for my public service announcement : If you've never tried a vibrator, go out and get one NOW!!!!!!!!! I don't have an orgasm from just sex, never have (I'm going on 30). But, if you have a man who's comfortable with it, he'll "let" you use it during sex. Man is that 100% better!

[Kimberley]

Originally Posted by Janet

If we're all being honest here...then I will have to say I HATE IT!! Maybe it would be good with someone else, but not with my husband. Please don't think that's bad. We started dating when I was 15 (51 now) and after all these years, I'm just not interested. He use to try to wake me at 3 or 4 in the morning, I had a full time job, so I stopped that real guick. There have been others reasons for my desire declining for him. Now it's just that I have to do most everything and well, to me it was just another job that had to be done. It's been years and I mean years and I don't miss it at all.

Guess I need to start another thread..after posting above, I feel I need to vent some...I just don't want to sound awful, it's just how I feel. Maybe I need to wait.

WOWSERS! LOL! I won't say that I hate it but in all honesty, I only get in the mood maybe once a month. We actually only have sex about twice a month so it's not that bad.