Met the parents!

[Lindsey]

He is almost 24. I totally agree with you Judy. His mom is babying him, but he has to cut the ties too. I asked him this morning if he can have his phone turned off the whole time we're with my parents (we're going home next weekend) and he can check it at night or in the morning. He said his mom might call. I said "Oh no a whole weekend without talking to your mom???" and he said he can go without talking to her... I said "Right, she even calls you at work" and he said it's only when it has to do with his bills... They still all go to his mom's house. We had a little mini argument over the whole thing... I told him I haven't had my bills at my parents' house since I was 17 and lived there! I just feel so much more grown up I guess. I don't understand the thing with his mom. I check in with my parents a couple of times a week, when I have some free time to talk. His mom has already called him at work twice today! Oh, and neither time was about bills

[Emmsmom]

I would seriously think about finding a new BF. JMO of course. I have dated a momma's boy and I am SOOOO glad we parted and went our separate ways. He is now 37 years old and is STILL a momma's boy.

Your BF should have stuck up for you IMO. There was absolutely NO reason for his mother to treat you that way! She may change in time but I would not change who you are just to please her. Her son fell for you because of who you are. If she doesn't like it then tough S@&#!!!! Be careful and look out for yourself.

[Janet]

Lots of good advice here Lindsey. You're a smart young lady and I know you'll figure out what you want to do. Me......I'd start spreading my wings a little bit and see what else is out there.

[Lindsey]

We had a really good talk last night. A really good and long talk. There were some tears because I said something kind of harsh. I said "I'm just used to dating people who are a little more established in their lives than you are" and he was laying there, staring at the ceiling, and as soon as I said those words his hands started fidgeting and his face turned red and his lip was trembling and without even blinking there were tears running down his face. He wouldn't look at me. He could barely talk. He said "That's the worst thing you've ever said to me. I keep thinking everything is going great and I feel that I've done a lot with my life and I am being careful and I don't even know how I got a girl like you, and when you say something like that it makes me think everything is a lie, nothing is what I thought it was" My heart completely broke. I care so much about him. I never thought I could hurt him so badly with my words. I explained myself better and he understood better. And he said it's good that we're so open because it just goes to show that we do have problems like anyone but we care enough to work on them. And he does want to work on them.
He said he is going to start a list of everytime his mom calls and what it's for... if it's pointless or not. And maybe it'll help him see what everyone else sees. He asked a friend about it last night, and she agreed with me. And his ex had the same problem. He admitted that his mom is really really critical of anyone he dates, or even who his sisters dated. She hated their now husbands, until she got to know them, and now she loves them. He just wants me to give her a chance to get to know me, because he's sure she'll want me to be in their family as much as he does.
We took some time off work this morning to just cuddle and talk things over (we both have tons of banked hours anyway, and barely any work to do). And I told him "I want us to be okay" and he said "And we will be. I will limit how many times I talk to my mom. I will do anything to make you happy"

[DianaB]

I wouldn't be ready to get rid of him because he's a mama's boy. Just like you're already doing, keep talking to him and if he really wants a relationship with you then he'll work things out with his mom. Just give him some time to see how things go.

My husband was a mama's boy when I married him and after he realized how much it hurt me he cut back on how much his mom was involved in his life. He still sees his mom a lot but she's not running his life anymore.

[Mandy]

He needs to stop trying to please hes mom, he is not dating hes mom, no matter what he does or tries, she will be there to criticise.
If she was all that perfect, and such a divine christian, she wouldnt judge or hate others. Shame on her!
She is not treating her son so nicely if she is judging who ever he goes out with.
If your words bring him to tears, he will have a lot to learn, and thats ok, as long as he is willing to learn on how to improve the relationship with you, and how to stand up to hes mother. Sounds like he is affraid of disappointing her, and she is not allowing him to experience adult life.
Lindsey, stand your ground, and tell him that no matter what hes mom says, you will never ever allow her, or give her a chance to belittle you in any away, at least he will be prepared, and know how you feel and think about her issues.

[Lindsey]

Thank you Diana. I hope that is how things turn out in my situation. I really like that he cares so much for his mom, but I don't want him to rely on her for everything. I know it's early in the relationship, but we have both talked about how well we just fit together and how nice it would be to build a life together... and if I'm going to be a big part of his life, I'd hope that eventually there'd be a switch where I'M the one he'd talk to before his mom. Of course she can be in the background for support, but not in the position to make decisions for him.
Anyways, I feel like after everything last night, we're a lot more bonded than we were before. It's all out in the open. I like that he didn't immediately get defensive like any other guy I've dated. He saw my problem and now we can deal with it like adults. He told me last night "I like fighting with you, because it's not like a real fight. It's just a discussion and we both feel better in the end" And I think that's how it should be... no drama! I've already had my share of drama I really like this guy. I know there are other fish in the sea, but I feel like he's my special fish! I don't want to look for any other fish!

[Lindsey]

Mandy, I told him exactly that last night. I said that I will definitely give his mom another chance... I understand she may have had misconceptions about me just because of his past girlfriends, and it was her first time meeting me and she probably feels that nobody is good enough for her son. And I can definitely prove I'm enough for him, and more But I said if she says anything rude to me, or anything I find offensive, I WILL stand up for myself, even if he doesn't. But I also told him I would expect him to stand up for me too He said he's definitely stood up to his mom before in the same situations with girlfriends. Soooo we'll see what happens. I'm going to just look past this first meeting and try to start fresh when I visit them!

[judy]

"I will do anything to make you happy"

Lindsey - that's a lovely thing for him to say and to feel. I would definitely give him another chance. Remember, things do not happen overnight. It's a process. Even if he messes up, I think you are handling this very well, so just keep on doing what you're doing. I also like that he likes to discuss things, and doesn't get defensive.

I really do hope it lasts, and I know you do too. But, even if it doesn't last, it sounds like a very nice relationship to be in and you and he are getting a lot from each other and growing in very important ways. Enjoy it!

[Lindsey]

Thank you Judy, I am really enjoying it And guess what! We've been together since Friday night and his mom hasn't called ONCE! That's never happened! I even talked to my mom twice this morning lol.
We went to another open house yesterday, and the house was gorgeous and relatively cheap. There have been a few offers already but he can't find out how much of a mortgage he can get until he talks with the bank on Tuesday. He really wants to put an offer in on it though. And he was saying things to me like "It's only 3 blocks from your grandma's house so we could just walk there and visit!" and "The yard is all fenced in so Layla can run around!" and he was talking about how we could knock out the wall between two little bedrooms upstairs to make a bigger master bedroom with a large closet and a vanity area for me. ME. I always think about that kind of stuff but I love that he's thinking about it too. We're not ready to take that step yet, but he's thinking of me already in his decisions.
I don't feel I've ever been this serious about someone before. I don't want to jinx anything, but even before we were seeing each other, when we were just friends, I told my cousin "He is going to fall in love with me, he's the one" and I still believe it with all my heart.

[DianaB]

I knew that my husband was the one for me before we started dating. He had all the qualities that I loved and I haven't been disappointed!!!!! Good luck, Lindsey!!

[Lindsey]

I love hearing that from people like you Diana, because you're so happy in your marriage! I always laughed at people who said they had "love at first sight", or knew after a couple months of dating that they wanted to be together forever, but I guess it's just because I've never experienced it before. So now I think, maybe it is real! Maybe you CAN know! But we'll see what the future brings I can't believe how excited I am to take him home for the first time next weekend. I never liked taking boyfriends home before.