Met the parents!

[Lindsey]

On Sunday, Scott's parents came into town to see the Eagles concert here. He called me in the afternoon just as they were getting in and invited me to spend the day with them. I said sure! They came and picked me up and things were pretty good, although very awkward.
His parents are very very religious, and I am not quite to that extent. Anyways, I have been invited to go home with him at the end of the month. His mom said we should be there on Friday night in time to attend a church play. Okay, that's fine, I'd go. Then she was like "The tickets are $32 each, so $64 but you'll have to pay half" and his dad was like "Why half?" and she said "Well I am buying Scott's ticket, but she'll have to buy her own!" I took it as being a little rude when I was sitting right there... of course I was going to buy my own way anyway, but it seemed like she felt she had to point it to me. $32 seems very expensive though I mentioned it to Scott but I don't know... he doesn't really want to go anyway, but it's free for him! We'll probably end up going because he'll do anything to make his mom happy. And I will be spending $32 to make his mom happy.
They wanted to go shopping so I followed them around a little bit, and then went to an open house (Scott is looking at maybe buying a place). Then they dropped us off at Scott's place so we could get in his car. We sat at his house for a few minutes just talking and having some time alone. He said he didn't feel comfortable with me when his parents were there, and I don't know if that's a bad sign or just nerves Anyways, then we got in his car to drive to his aunt's house because they were having supper there. On our way, his mom called and was a little upset that we weren't there yet.
They had ordered chinese food and it was really delicious! First everyone said grace and I was just politely silent. Then it seemed like the conversation was very strained, and I felt awkward because I'm used to my family being so laid back and laughing and joking all the time.
When we were on our way out, I told everyone it was really nice to meet them, and I thanked his aunt for the great supper. I didn't realize she expected us to pay for our portion of the supper Totally different than my family. If we're invited to eat, we don't have to worry about the cost. Just like if I invite anyone to eat at my place, I do not expect them to pay me for it!
I guess I now have mixed feelings about the whole experience. I definitely don't feel any warmth towards me. It's the first meeting, but still I've met tons of parents before who are so much friendlier and open to me the first time. Does she think I'm not good enough for her son? She usually calls him 2 or 3 times a day, even when we're at work. He goes home (2 hours away) to get his hair cut by her because she knows how he likes it! Whenever she calls and he says he's with me, she says "aren't you sick of each other yet?" when I can clearly hear her. It's still early in the relationship but I have a feeling she's an overbearing type. I don't know how well I will handle it.

[DianaB]

That was really tacky of Scott's Mom but I'll tell you that every family is different. Scott should have known that you had to pay for your share of the food if that's the way they always have done it. He needs to prepare you for when you're with his family or you could ask him if there's anything you need to know or need to pay for before you go to their get-togethers. As for your ticket to the program, Scott should either pay for all of it or at least half of it. It's not fair that his is free and he's expecting you to pay for yours.

It sounds like Scott and his mother have a close relationship and she may be really critical or jealous of you spending time with her son. Just be on your best behavior with her and count your blessings that she's two hours away!!!! Good Luck!!

[Janet]

Couldn't have said it better Diana!!!

[Lindsey]

Thanks Diana! Scott did offer to pay for both of us for supper. He also mentioned to me that he felt bad because when my parents were in town, they paid for 4 square meals for him. I told him not to feel bad, because that's just how we are! He was my guest! On Saturday we spent the afternoon visiting my grandma, and she asked us to go out for supper with her. When the bill came, I grabbed it and she snatched it out of my hand lol... it's always a fight for the bill in my family because everyone wants to treat everyone else!
I know that Scott's mom is judging me hard. She wants me to be everything that his last girlfriend wasn't for him. But I can only be myself. I don't want to have to change to make his mom happy. I can say it's great that she's two hours away, but Scott needs to go there every few weeks to get his hair cut! And last time he was home he said he was having a nap on Sunday but asked his mom to wake him up early so he could get back for his plans with me that night. He woke up in the evening on his own and asked his mom why she didn't wake him up. She said "Oh you needed your sleep so you're well rested for the drive home!" needless to say, our plans were cancelled because he got back very very late. I was sick with the flu that weekend too, and before Scott went home I spent a night throwing up at his house. I texted him while he was at home and his mom told him to tell me to "suck it up"
I guess this is a situation where I need to kill her with kindness!
His dad is awesome, by the way

[Blueyes]

Wow! I would never, ever invite my sons gf anywhere and then expect HER to pay for it! And if I had treated a gf that way, my sons would have had a FIT!!! If you are seeing red flags here, pay attention to them sweetie. That being said, I have learned that everybody has differences. I have always paid for things for my kids if I possibly could.. because I want to, not because they expect it. A bad "mother-in law" can cause lots of problems in a relationship. I am blessed with fabulous dil's, and we all appreciate our relationship. I taught my sons that when they got married, their wives came first...I had to because my sons and I are very close

I'm glad you got to meet them. Maybe things will get more comfortable with time

[Lindsey]

Thanks Betsi. I was kind of seeing red flags before I even met her... just from hearing her on the other end of the phone when he was with me and stories Scott told me about how strict she was when he was growing up. He wasn't allowed to play hockey in case he got hurt. He could not show interest in girls because he got in big trouble... he still has problems showing affection, even if it's just him and I sitting there. He can't just be the first one to reach out and hold my hand. He said it's silly but a part of him inside just gives him a feeling that it's a bad thing to do.
I hope things get better, and I hope everything can work out... I do really like him. He is extremely good to me. He will do anything to make me smile, and that is so important to me. I just hope that eventually the tie to his mom will loosen a bit.

[Mandy]

WOW!!!!!!!!!! I am gob smacked! Sorry.

I would never ever expect my son's gf to pay for her share, like Diana said, that was very tacky of her, i totally agree with her, that is just not done.
If you invite anybody, it's on you, if you are not willing to pay, dont invite.
You know Lindsey, this says everything about her.
I do understand the "lets go dutch" where people go out to dinner in a group or whatever, and share the bill, thats different, but the way she handled things is a poor show on her part.

Now, i am not belitteling Scott, but he could have said, here is Lindsey's part of the dinner, and i will pay the 32 bux for the church play, without you even knowing about it.

Keep your ears and eyes wide open girl.

[pope1982]

Sounds like you have a good idea of exactly what's going on here.

[pope1982]

Originally Posted by Blueyes

A bad "mother-in law" can cause lots of problems in a relationship.

Amen.

Originally Posted by Lindsey

I just hope that eventually the tie to his mom will loosen a bit.

Don't hold your breath on that sweetie, good luck.

[judy]

"I thanked his aunt for the great supper. I didn't realize she expected us to pay for our portion of the supper "

I have never heard of anything like this! His mother sounds like a world of trouble, but at least you know that tacky cheapness runs in the family.

I'm surprised she didn't ask you all to split the cost of dishwashing detergent and water because she would have to wash the dishes you used.

I was married to a "mama's boy," and those ties never loosen. A real man loves and respects his mother, but his woman comes first.

I smell trouble honey bunch.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Blueyes

Wow! I would never, ever invite my sons gf anywhere and then expect HER to pay for it! And if I had treated a gf that way, my sons would have had a FIT!!! If you are seeing red flags here, pay attention to them sweetie. That being said, I have learned that everybody has differences. I have always paid for things for my kids if I possibly could.. because I want to, not because they expect it. A bad "mother-in law" can cause lots of problems in a relationship. I am blessed with fabulous dil's, and we all appreciate our relationship. I taught my sons that when they got married, their wives came first...I had to because my sons and I are very close

I'm glad you got to meet them. Maybe things will get more comfortable with time

Wow!! I agree with blueyes.. First of all I would never do that to my sons g/f and secondly my son would never allow that. They may be religious people but they are very rude people. I am sorry to say that. His mom should have told him before hand about the cost of tickets if she didnt want to pay for you, then she should have asked Scott to pay for it. If the aunt could not afford to feed everyone then she should not have invited you for dinner and take out chinese food to boot. If someone really can't afford it, have them over for coffee if you just want to get together.

Lindsey he sounds like a mamas boy and he tries to please her. She probably puts guilt on him everytime. I am a mother of a son and I never interfere, matter of fact when my son is wrong I tell him and side up with his girlfriend. I see lots of red flags here , thread with caution this woman and this family are not going to be easy to get along with. You have been warned! lol

Believe me when you marry a person you do marry the family.

[Lindsey]

I went to Scott's house last night and had a really relaxing and fun night, and his mom didn't call once. We had a discussion this morning and I asked him if the money thing is always like that in his family. I apologized for not offering to pay, but said my family is much different and I just needed to know what it was like. He said usually they decide before the food gets there how everyone is paying. Each family pays for how many people they have there eating. Even if they decide to go out and buy groceries to make something, everyone splits the grocery bill He said he knows it's weird, but when I'm visiting his parents it won't be like that. Just when more than one family get together he said the "joke" about it. In my head I was like "it's not joking when everyone ends up having to pay!"
Anyways, I also brought up the thing about his mom telling me I have to pay for my own ticket. I asked if she usually does things like that and he said "I don't know why she brought it up right there" and I told him it just made me feel really defensive, as if I was just expecting her to pay everything for me, which I WASN'T, but it came across as rude. And then I was like "I just don't know if I want to spend $32 to go to a church play, just so your mom will be happy" and he was like "Yeah I don't know why it's so expensive" but then told me that you get food there and whatever... I was like "You can go to red lobster and eat for less than $32" .. Later he said he was thinking about the Red Lobster comment and maybe we could just go out with my friends who live there that night, or stay in and watch movies or play Wii or something. He said he has better things to spend $32 on and I was like "You mean I have better things to spend it on... yours was free" and he laughed because I don't think he realized my tone. Oh well. I'm just going to leave it.
I asked him if he thinks I will ever fit in with his family and he said "I am sure when you visit in a couple of weeks you will realize how easy it is" .... I really hope so

[DianaB]

I'm glad that you and Scott were able to talk about what happened. It sounds like Scott may have to have a long talk with mama if she keeps acting like this. Hopefully, things will be better next time. Good luck!!

[Lindsey]

He just told me that his mom had big issues with his ex not paying for things because she was always in school and had no money. So when they split a bill, Scott would pay for both of them, and his mom always hassled him about "why can't she pay for her own" ... I flat out told him that it may be an issue with me if she's going to continue to speak to me, or of me, like that.

[judy]

Scott is around 21 isn't he? He is too old to not feel that his money and his relationships are none of his mother's business. He's the one with the issues, not really his mother as far as you should be concerned. He should have told her (nicely, of course) that he is an independent young man and that she has no right to be involved in his relationships at all, much less who pays for what.

Be careful Lindsey. We do not want to see you get hurt.