I'm just so tired..... - Page 2

Janet · 07-23-2009, 05:29 PM

Marilyn....in some way....I think I understand. If I could go back and change some things...I would. In my case...I was easily manipulated and decisions were made for me too. I'm so angry at times that I didn't do what I wanted to do instead of what was thought best without me really having a vote.

I hope you can come to terms with the past and know that we all have regrets, some big, some small. If I let myself dwell on it....it's horrible. So, it's something that I pack away. We can't go back...so I try hard to leave it in the past.

DianaB · 07-24-2009, 06:59 AM

For us, Marilyn, the choice of me staying home with the kids was not a luxury. It was something that my husband and I felt strong enough about that we were willing to for-go the extras that would have been available had I worked. I know that it appears that we are well off but we used to live in an old house that went with our farm with a trailer house attached to have enough room and bathrooms for the kids. I always drove older vehicles because we just didn't have the money for newer.

We all made choices that we've had to deal with. I wish that I had gone to college and done something in that direction. I like to think that I'm pretty knowledgable and I would have enjoyed doing something with that knowledge, but at the time I was raising kids and helping my husband.

Marilyn, We all have things in our past that we'd like to change but you did what you thought was best at the time and if you were back in that situation again you'd probably make the same decisions. See what you can do now to cut back on work and find some time for yourself. I think that you're needing some Marilyn time.

Tiramisu · 07-24-2009, 11:29 AM

Marilyn, I envy people who can stay home with their kiddos, but can say that mine turned out ok, with working parents, and it sounds like yours did too. Ya gotta wonder if some kiddos are better off with their parents working and being cared for by others! I agree with your vent.

judy · 07-25-2009, 05:44 PM

I think we all have regrets in one way or another. I chose to stay home with Jessie until she was 4 when I went back to college. I did work part time when she was a baby, but I was home with her most of the time. Of course, I didn't have 2 nickels to put together to make a dime, but that was my choice.

College was also my choice, as was graduate school. I regret being in school and working in the lab for my doctorate too much. I wanted to spend more time with Jessie, and finally left grad school with a Master's Degree when she was around 8 or 9 years old. I loved being home for her. I never worked full time until I began to work for the school system.

But, I had no money! Jessie regrets that. I don't.

I do regret not doing something more with science. I thought about becoming a chiropractor because you can work at home, and make good money. I really can't complain about having been a teacher because now I get a nice pension,but I really didn't use my love of science as much as I would have liked.

You really can't get away without some regrets I think. You have lovely girls, and a good marriage, so even though you might have wanted it to be different, you have done a great job!

HALEY · 07-29-2009, 03:33 AM

i know what you mean Marilyn, i cried for days when i came back to work, leaving my child with a stanger, called her 6 times a day! I hated going back to work, back was cracking up stuck at home all day also.. we also can't live on one income, and i guess i took it the wrong way that you enveyed her, i have to work we have bills and with a child it just got more expensive.. i too wish i could stay home, but i can't.. but that's the choice i made also.. hang in there, it will get better, i also will be one of those people that work til the day i die. my retirement is gone thanks to the ecomomy so i'm working to try and rebuild it going to be harder now since my company not matching my 401k, i have to look for another investment sometime in the near furture..

Marilyn · 07-30-2009, 03:46 AM

I feel guilty for venting. I know we all have some regrets and whatever choices we made, there are some we would change given the opportunity. My life is really very good. Just resent working so much when so many of my friends don't work outside the home and don't realize what a blessing that is. Hopefully I can eventually retire, and hopefully I'll still be healthy enough to do some of the things I dream of doing.

We're going to sell our home and find an older home with lower taxes to try to get into a better position. Our home is paid for, but the property taxes have gotten way out of hand. We can buy an older home, remodel and cut our taxes in half. We still have savings, and our financial guy is playing with our money a bit and has regained a little of our losses from the market drops.

Just have to get my chin up and put a smile on the old face. In spite of the dought, heat, economy, my stiff sore hand and all the other details of life. God is good and life is good!!!

PS. Thank you for sharing some of your pasts. Maybe this thread has been a bit thereputic. Love you all!!!

judy · 08-02-2009, 08:51 AM

So now you are regretting talking about your regrets?

Marilyn, if you can't share with us, then who can you vent with?
Cutting down on your taxes sounds like a very good idea! That's a huge expense.
Now that the children are out, you can live anywhere you want.

Janet · 08-02-2009, 03:42 PM

I think it was theraputic too. We all have regrets, wishes and dreams. I'm just glad we can share them all together.

We haven't paid our property taxes yet. Our county and a few others in the state are having a hard time getting the bills out. I have the money saved back, but I'm not giving it to them until they send our tax statement. They need to start running this county like a business and get their jobs done.

Property taxes are high everywhere I think. I will be good to get them lowered. Judy's right....now you can live anywhere you want.

HALEY · 08-03-2009, 07:42 AM

they just reasset my house i am so mad, the old assement was 48,700 and the new one is 84,700, now how the heck could it go that high? like i said before here comes the taxes, i wanted to fight it, but with all the rules it wasn't worth the time or the money i guess...

Marilyn · 08-03-2009, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALEY

they just reasset my house i am so mad, the old assement was 48,700 and the new one is 84,700, now how the heck could it go that high? like i said before here comes the taxes, i wanted to fight it, but with all the rules it wasn't worth the time or the money i guess...

Haley, we had a big jump, too, nothing like your's though. We tried to fight it and got nowhere, however, I really think something is wrong with yours. That is just too much of a jump. It would definitely be worth meeting with your appraiser and trying to fight it. I think you would get it lowered a bit if you do. Our next door neighbor got his lowered. He was very persistent and wouldn't leave the appraisers office until his was lowered. Maybe hubby and I were just too nice.

Wish you well!!!

HALEY · 08-03-2009, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marilyn

Haley, we had a big jump, too, nothing like your's though. We tried to fight it and got nowhere, however, I really think something is wrong with yours. That is just too much of a jump. It would definitely be worth meeting with your appraiser and trying to fight it. I think you would get it lowered a bit if you do. Our next door neighbor got his lowered. He was very persistent and wouldn't leave the appraisers office until his was lowered. Maybe hubby and I were just too nice.

Wish you well!!!

I waited to long Marilyn the deadline was july 31 st, they appraised it by the sell of the homes around my area, i got the house from an estate sale i know the house was low when i got it even the attorney said he should have jacked up the price, its just such a hassel, i would have to get an attorney and get the house reappraised, and go to a hearing, i just wish i had the time, been running my butt off now - just never get a break... so i just said the hell with it.. don't plan on living there the rest of my life anyways.. still looking for a house and another job,, its just getting to much for me..

Tiramisu · 08-03-2009, 11:00 AM

We used a company that does all the work for you. If they get your appraisal lowered, you pay them some percentage of the lowered amount. Ours was lowered around $13,000 and we paid $172. I'm not sure how much we saved in actual taxes and how long it will take to re-coop the fee, but Harold said it was well worth it.

Gina · 08-03-2009, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALEY

they just reasset my house i am so mad, the old assement was 48,700 and the new one is 84,700, now how the heck could it go that high? like i said before here comes the taxes, i wanted to fight it, but with all the rules it wasn't worth the time or the money i guess...

Haley, Marilyn we are fighting our new assessements tomorrow. I will let you know how we make out. These taxes in NJ are getting out of hand. People are leaving this state and its a shame. Its really a beautiful place to live and raise kids.

Back to Marilyn, its ok to vent we all need a place to come and get away from our daily lives. I hope by you selling your home you will be able to enjoy and not work so hard. I was lucky to stay home with my kids when they were young, yes I did sacrifice a lot , vacations, dinners out etc. but it was worth staying home and being a PTA mom.. dance committee etc.. I don't regret it. I am back to work now you need two salaries to survive.

HALEY · 08-04-2009, 03:13 AM

Gina let me know how it went, do you have an attorney? or did you need to get your house reapraised?

Marilyn · 08-04-2009, 06:22 PM

When we fought our appraisal, unsuccessfully as previously stated, we did lots of research on the appraisal website checking out the appraisals of comparable homes. We also worked with a realtor we know who pulled all the multiple listed homes in our area that sold within the last 6 months. We talked with an appraiser who stated that values have dropped 25 or so percent in the past few months in our area. We walked in with spreadsheets all prepared & the first thing our appraisor did before we went before the board was to pull us into his office to try to settle before we went to the board. He had us lay our cards on the table then asked us to leave and wait in the lobby and we could go before the board in about 15 minutes. He had us show our hand and then he spent 15 minutes preparing his defense with the county computer system there all loaded with all the information he needed to build a case to match our appraisal using other homes that were appraised too high, and showing that ours was right in the middle. The he pulled out his hidden ace. Our home is classified as brick, and it's stone, so they said they could raise our appraisal $30,000 if they wanted to. They won't this year, but said that next year it will go up that much plus more to compensate for appreciation and the stone. That's why we are selling. This is crazy. We finally have our dream home paid for, and we are selling it because the taxes are just more than we want to pay. We can buy an older home of about the same size, do some remodeling and take a very nice vacation each year with the tax savings.

Gina, since you are a realtor, you probably know all the ins and outs. Wish you the best tomorrow!!!!!

07-23-2009, 05:29 PM	#16
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,624	Marilyn....in some way....I think I understand. If I could go back and change some things...I would. In my case...I was easily manipulated and decisions were made for me too. I'm so angry at times that I didn't do what I wanted to do instead of what was thought best without me really having a vote. I hope you can come to terms with the past and know that we all have regrets, some big, some small. If I let myself dwell on it....it's horrible. So, it's something that I pack away. We can't go back...so I try hard to leave it in the past. __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

07-24-2009, 06:59 AM	#17
DianaB Moderator Donating 4WT 13K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Kansas Posts: 16,069	For us, Marilyn, the choice of me staying home with the kids was not a luxury. It was something that my husband and I felt strong enough about that we were willing to for-go the extras that would have been available had I worked. I know that it appears that we are well off but we used to live in an old house that went with our farm with a trailer house attached to have enough room and bathrooms for the kids. I always drove older vehicles because we just didn't have the money for newer. We all made choices that we've had to deal with. I wish that I had gone to college and done something in that direction. I like to think that I'm pretty knowledgable and I would have enjoyed doing something with that knowledge, but at the time I was raising kids and helping my husband. Marilyn, We all have things in our past that we'd like to change but you did what you thought was best at the time and if you were back in that situation again you'd probably make the same decisions. See what you can do now to cut back on work and find some time for yourself. I think that you're needing some Marilyn time. __________________ ´¨) ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Diana Baker ✞ You and I are friends....... Always remember that if you fall I will pick you up...... After I stop laughing!!!

07-24-2009, 11:29 AM	#18
Tiramisu Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: New Caney, Texas (outside Houston) Posts: 1,776	Marilyn, I envy people who can stay home with their kiddos, but can say that mine turned out ok, with working parents, and it sounds like yours did too. Ya gotta wonder if some kiddos are better off with their parents working and being cared for by others! I agree with your vent. __________________ SANDY

07-25-2009, 05:44 PM	#19
judy Donating 4WT Yakker Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Denver, NY Posts: 8,097	I think we all have regrets in one way or another. I chose to stay home with Jessie until she was 4 when I went back to college. I did work part time when she was a baby, but I was home with her most of the time. Of course, I didn't have 2 nickels to put together to make a dime, but that was my choice. College was also my choice, as was graduate school. I regret being in school and working in the lab for my doctorate too much. I wanted to spend more time with Jessie, and finally left grad school with a Master's Degree when she was around 8 or 9 years old. I loved being home for her. I never worked full time until I began to work for the school system. But, I had no money! Jessie regrets that. I don't. I do regret not doing something more with science. I thought about becoming a chiropractor because you can work at home, and make good money. I really can't complain about having been a teacher because now I get a nice pension,but I really didn't use my love of science as much as I would have liked. You really can't get away without some regrets I think. You have lovely girls, and a good marriage, so even though you might have wanted it to be different, you have done a great job! __________________ *Judy*

07-29-2009, 03:33 AM	#20
HALEY Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 2,147	i know what you mean Marilyn, i cried for days when i came back to work, leaving my child with a stanger, called her 6 times a day! I hated going back to work, back was cracking up stuck at home all day also.. we also can't live on one income, and i guess i took it the wrong way that you enveyed her, i have to work we have bills and with a child it just got more expensive.. i too wish i could stay home, but i can't.. but that's the choice i made also.. hang in there, it will get better, i also will be one of those people that work til the day i die. my retirement is gone thanks to the ecomomy so i'm working to try and rebuild it going to be harder now since my company not matching my 401k, i have to look for another investment sometime in the near furture.. __________________ PROUD MOMMY

07-30-2009, 03:46 AM	#21
Marilyn Donating 4WT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: South Texas Posts: 4,907	I feel guilty for venting. I know we all have some regrets and whatever choices we made, there are some we would change given the opportunity. My life is really very good. Just resent working so much when so many of my friends don't work outside the home and don't realize what a blessing that is. Hopefully I can eventually retire, and hopefully I'll still be healthy enough to do some of the things I dream of doing. We're going to sell our home and find an older home with lower taxes to try to get into a better position. Our home is paid for, but the property taxes have gotten way out of hand. We can buy an older home, remodel and cut our taxes in half. We still have savings, and our financial guy is playing with our money a bit and has regained a little of our losses from the market drops. Just have to get my chin up and put a smile on the old face. In spite of the dought, heat, economy, my stiff sore hand and all the other details of life. God is good and life is good!!! PS. Thank you for sharing some of your pasts. Maybe this thread has been a bit thereputic. Love you all!!! __________________ Marilyn If anyone would like a free Bible Study CD or book entitled "Searching for Truth", PM me with your mailing address and I'll send you one. "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." John 8:32

08-02-2009, 08:51 AM	#22
judy Donating 4WT Yakker Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Denver, NY Posts: 8,097	So now you are regretting talking about your regrets? Marilyn, if you can't share with us, then who can you vent with? Cutting down on your taxes sounds like a very good idea! That's a huge expense. Now that the children are out, you can live anywhere you want. __________________ *Judy*

08-02-2009, 03:42 PM	#23
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,624	I think it was theraputic too. We all have regrets, wishes and dreams. I'm just glad we can share them all together. We haven't paid our property taxes yet. Our county and a few others in the state are having a hard time getting the bills out. I have the money saved back, but I'm not giving it to them until they send our tax statement. They need to start running this county like a business and get their jobs done. Property taxes are high everywhere I think. I will be good to get them lowered. Judy's right....now you can live anywhere you want. __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

08-03-2009, 07:42 AM	#24
HALEY Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 2,147	they just reasset my house i am so mad, the old assement was 48,700 and the new one is 84,700, now how the heck could it go that high? like i said before here comes the taxes, i wanted to fight it, but with all the rules it wasn't worth the time or the money i guess... __________________ PROUD MOMMY

08-03-2009, 11:00 AM	#27
Tiramisu Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: New Caney, Texas (outside Houston) Posts: 1,776	We used a company that does all the work for you. If they get your appraisal lowered, you pay them some percentage of the lowered amount. Ours was lowered around $13,000 and we paid $172. I'm not sure how much we saved in actual taxes and how long it will take to re-coop the fee, but Harold said it was well worth it. __________________ SANDY

08-04-2009, 03:13 AM	#29
HALEY Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 2,147	Gina let me know how it went, do you have an attorney? or did you need to get your house reapraised? __________________ PROUD MOMMY

08-04-2009, 06:22 PM	#30
Marilyn Donating 4WT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: South Texas Posts: 4,907	When we fought our appraisal, unsuccessfully as previously stated, we did lots of research on the appraisal website checking out the appraisals of comparable homes. We also worked with a realtor we know who pulled all the multiple listed homes in our area that sold within the last 6 months. We talked with an appraiser who stated that values have dropped 25 or so percent in the past few months in our area. We walked in with spreadsheets all prepared & the first thing our appraisor did before we went before the board was to pull us into his office to try to settle before we went to the board. He had us lay our cards on the table then asked us to leave and wait in the lobby and we could go before the board in about 15 minutes. He had us show our hand and then he spent 15 minutes preparing his defense with the county computer system there all loaded with all the information he needed to build a case to match our appraisal using other homes that were appraised too high, and showing that ours was right in the middle. The he pulled out his hidden ace. Our home is classified as brick, and it's stone, so they said they could raise our appraisal $30,000 if they wanted to. They won't this year, but said that next year it will go up that much plus more to compensate for appreciation and the stone. That's why we are selling. This is crazy. We finally have our dream home paid for, and we are selling it because the taxes are just more than we want to pay. We can buy an older home of about the same size, do some remodeling and take a very nice vacation each year with the tax savings. Gina, since you are a realtor, you probably know all the ins and outs. Wish you the best tomorrow!!!!! __________________ Marilyn If anyone would like a free Bible Study CD or book entitled "Searching for Truth", PM me with your mailing address and I'll send you one. "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." John 8:32 Last edited by Marilyn; 08-04-2009 at 06:24 PM.

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