I'm just so tired.....

[Marilyn]

Lately, I'm just soooo tired. There is nothing physically wrong with me. It's just that I'm tired. Tired of working so much, tired of the day to day. Laundry never ends. Cleaning & cooking never ends. I have to go to Corpus Christi for a meeting this morning. Zoe has had trouble with her ears for 6 months now, and three vets say she's fine. She's in my lap shaking her head right now because her ears bother her. I get so tired of giving her benedryl every evening and ear drops. I get to bed a realize I forgot and have to get back up. Sorry for complaining, but I'm tired of everything. Seems like everyone around me wants a piece of me. Marilyn I need you to help me with this. Would you do this for us. We need help, and you're so talented in this way. Please, isn't anyone else capable???

The American Cancer Society called a couple of nights ago asking me to send some fundraiser to 10 of my neighbors. I told them no, I can't, and the guy said we need your help. I told him EVERYONE needs my help. I'm strung out from helping people, and hung up on him.

Seems that everyone around me is relaxing watching TV, playing games, staying home with their baby, going to a trip somewhere. A dear friend called me yesterday and she is so envious of me. Of Me!! She want's a normal life again. The past two or so years she's been home, either pregnant or taking care of her little girl who will be 1 in August. I envy her. She gets to be home all day with her little girl. Go shopping when she wants, watch TV when she wants, work on crafts or whatever. I have NO time for myself. I still have a spa day my girls gave me. The gift card is two year old & I haven't found a free Saturday to go. Rex says I should go during the week but that means burning a vacation day.

I'm just having trouble right now finding the joy. I want to go on a vacation, but only have two vacation days left for the rest of the year.

I wanted to retire in a couple of years, but that dream is history now.

Please pray that I can find some joy.

[judy]

Marilyn, I will be praying for you. Joy comes from inside, as you know. You won't have a hard time finding it since you already have so much faith.

God is right there. Just give him all of your unhappiness, and surrender to him.
He will take you to joy.

[Tiramisu]

Marilyn, I'm right there beside you! I'll meet in half way and we can have a pity party! We just have to keep going through the strokes and know that we will be rewarded. I was supposed to have retired in February and that date has slipped off the calendar totally now. I have been so "tired of" lately that I've thought of finding homes for my doggies, leaving my husband, moving away from my kids, etc. I'm being careful what I ask for, but I need some alone time. Add in there that my daughter and 4 kiddos are staying with us while her husband's in Iraq!

And, next Wednesday will be a year ago that my Mom died and I'm "tired of" the hurt.

[DianaB]

Marilyn, I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I know that one of the first things I do when I feel like you is I start saying NO. Don't add any more to what you already have to do and even see if you can cut some stuff out. Try to find a little bit of time for yourself and just relax. Don't feel guilty about taking the time for yourself either, because you deserve it. Good luck!

[Blueyes]

I have a picture that says " Stress happens when your heart says NO and your mouth says OF COURSE, I'D BE GLAD TO"

Put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF first, ladies. Take a long, deep breath...then tell everybody to go jump in the lake

This stupid, burning Texas heat doesn't help, either

[Janet]

Diana's right Marilyn.....don't feel guilty for saying NO and wanting to take time for yourself.

[Marilyn]

Thank you all!! I know that life isn't supposed to be easy. If it was, we wouldn't yearn for something better. Christians are supposed to be happy people. We're supposed to cast our cares on Him for He cares for us. I know. I can quote scripture and verse, lots of them, and I've taught them to others. But it's still just hard sometimes. You all have been through this at times. It is helping to share with you all, and I do believe I can feel your prayers.

Sandy, I'm going to Houston tomorrow. I'd ask if you had time for lunch, but an hour wouldn't be nearly enough time, and I have to hurry back to work. There are some critical things happening tomorrow afternoon, so will probably grab a snack on the road. You have more to bear with your daughter and grandchildren there for so long than I do, but I too have thought of just getting away.

My husband told me yesterday that I'm not fun to be around right now. I told him I'd be happy, and he said not to do it for him, to do it for me. Just have to shift my attitude. I know it's all up to me to do what I know to do. Today has been a bit better. Maybe tomorrow will be a good day.

Oh, and someone mentioned the heat. I know that has to be part of the problem. It's not supposed to be like this in June/July. Generally we have about 3 weeks or so of this later in the summer. It's been really, really hot here lately. Heat index's of 110+. It's sooo draining, even with the ac on. In my job, I'm in and out of a hot truck.

Chin up!!! Gotta cheer up!!

[Tiramisu]

Happy Wednesday, Marilyn!

[Janet]

Marilyn....as you well know...sometimes we all go through a bit of depression. Maybe you should have a good check up with your family Dr. to rule out any problems with your health and then tell him how you're feeling. I hope you feel better and happier soon.

[Marilyn]

On thing that has been depressing me is my left hand. I knew something was wrong with it a couple of weeks after the surgery. I kept putting ice on it, but it's still swelling some and I can't bend my wrist like I should. Yesterday, I went to Houston for a followup checkup, and I do have swelling in the wrist joint. They called it edema. I have to take steroids for a week and get some physical therapy. Now that I know what's wrong, and we have a plan of action, I do feel better.

Also, hubby went with me yesterday, so we got to spend some time together and did a lot of talking. I do feel some better now. I had blood work an ekg and such at the end of May and checked out healthy, so I know it's just stress from a lot of things. Just trying to get things done and get through this. I just feel like there's never any time to just chill.

I'm trying to get everyone to go tubing on the river the first weekend in August, but I seem to be the only one excited about doing it, and that in itself is depressing. We always have so much fun, and I don't see why everyone else isn't excited at the idea. Oh, well, this too will pass.....

I feel like a big baby. Just have to get over this and move on!!!

[judy]

Have you thought about keeping a journal, Marilyn? Sometimes it is very helpful t write down your feelings.

I'm not a great believer in just "getting over it" for myself. I need to "go through it before I can get through it." I need to feel whatever I feel and work it all out.

I'm also a great believer in saying no. I do not allow stress in my life it possible.
Of course, when I was a young woman, I did as much as I could do in one day, and then began it all over again the next day. When I felt worn out though, all I got was feeling worn out. I didn't get kudos for all of my effort. A lot of what I did was for myself, and that felt great, but I cut back on doing so much for others.

I'm not selfish. I just take very good care of myself.

[Janet]

Good advice in many of the posts. I hope you start feeling better soon Marilyn.

[Janet]

Marilyn......are you feeling any better?

[HALEY]

The past two or so years she's been home, either pregnant or taking care of her little girl who will be 1 in August. I envy her. She gets to be home all day with her little girl. Go shopping when she wants, watch TV when she wants, work on crafts or whatever.

Maryilyn, you envy this woman! oh my, when i was home with Micah on maternity leave i don't remember having time to go shopping, watch tv or work on crafts! Micah was up every 4 hours! when he slept i either slept or was washing tons of baby clothes or cleaning the house.. when you talk to her again please let me know her secret.. LOL... anyways i do hope you are feeling better today. as everyone already told you, you really need to learn to say NO to some of these people that are pulling you in so many directions.. you need some Maryilyn time!!!

[Marilyn]

I'm feeling a bit better. And yes, I have great envy for anyone who is able to afford the luxury of staying home with their children. I was never able to do so. As soon as the doctor said I was well enough to return, it was back to work. Since graduating from high school, I've either been going to college or working all but 6 months of the time. When in college, I went straight through, summers and all. I was off for maternity leave and right back to work. When I was dealing with my mother and her alzheimers, going to doctors and in the nursing home, I was working fulltime and raising two little girls with a husband who was also working more than 40 hours. Mother became ill in 1995 and passed away in 2000. In 1995 my oldest was 10 and youngest was 8.

So after all of this, I'm a bit bitter when I hear women who do not work outside the home complaining about all they have to do. I wanted so badly to be home with our children, but we never could afford for me to do so. Now we can't afford for me to retire. It never ends!!!

Work all your life for what??? I can cry real easily thinking of all the things that I missed out on. People say we have choices in life. Well mine were made for me.

You hit a cord. Just had to vent!!