Layla

[Lindsey]

It's so hard. I've been with her 24 hours a day since she got home and I feel like I'm alone because Scott is doing other things he thinks need to get done like rearranging furniture so we can watch movies better, or vacuuming the ceiling fans or whatever and then tells me I can't just let the house fall down around me because Layla is sick. Then last night he said I need to pay more attention to him, and I said Layla is my biggest concern right now. He said I'm obsessed with trying to convince myself she'll get better.

This morning I tried to have a few seconds of normalcy by checking my email after I got ready for work, so I left Layla alone for a minute and as soon as he saw me he yelled "WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT ON YOUR COMPUTER THAN TAKING CARE OF LAYLA?!" and I yelled back saying he told me not to spend all my time with her, and then I ran to Layla and collapsed on the floor and bawled beside her. On the way to work I was asking if he remembered to pack blah blah blah for her and he assured me he went through the whole list I made last night. We got here and he didn't pack anything for her to take her pills with, except an apple slice that I can't hide pills in. I called him and asked how he gave her pills with an apple slice, there was sandwich meat on the list and he said he would pack everything. And he got angry and hung up on me. So I was left all alone trying to feed Layla her pain killers and crying at work trying to get anything down her throat.

I am just feeling SO ALONE. I am her only caretaker, and I was awake with her until 4 am while he slept, and I have to be with her all day and give her the meds and make sure she's happy and comfortable while still getting work done. I love her and I don't resent her at all but I am just spreading so thin, I am exhausted, I am not eating, and I am getting sick myself. When I try to lean on Scott and try to get hope that she will be okay and this is all for SOMETHING, he tells me I'm stressing him out and bringing him down.

I feel like my life is falling apart.

[paula1961]

I can't speak for all men but.....I just don't think that most of them would completely understand how we feel about our babies(skin and fur). Women have a maternal side that most men just don't have. I'm sure that Scott loves Layla and maybe he is just dealing with his feelings in a different way than you. I certainly hope that you guys can get through this together Lynsey. You two have been through alot together. I will continue to pray for you Scott and Layla. I think about you everyday and I know that you are heart broken. I hope soon that things are back to as normal as they can be given your situation. Try to stay strong girl. Layla is soooooo worth what you have done and are still doing for her. Hugs to you Lyns.

[Lindsey]

Thank you Paula. He said he will use his lunch break to pick up some meat and drive it over for her pills this afternoon. I know he really loves both of us.

[DIANE W]

Ahhh Lindsey I am so upset for everything you are going through, and baby Layla.....

I think he must be feeling a little bit neglected (I know he shouldn't and needs to be supportive), in my experience most men are not good with coping with illness and crisis, I personally think he is being a little selfish, but i am sure deep down he really doesnt mean to. Sometimes how a person is behaving and the affect it has on others are not always obvious.

It is difficult for any couple trying to get through times like this, it just needs working out. But i know it is very hard for you, and i totally understand how you must be feeling..... like you are doing it all alone.
Maybe you do have the very strong maternal bond with Layla that he doesnt have, even though i am sure he loves her very much.

Take care I hope this all works out well for all of you, stress makes people say and do unpleasant things at times, I am sure once you get through it you will be a stronger couple

Sending you all a big hug... especially darling Layla.

[judy]

Welcome to how men deal with a crisis!!! It is very normal for a couple to fight when there is stress, and you both have a lot! You bought the house, and just moved in, and now Layla needs to recover.

If you can, try to remember how much he does love you and Layla. (Just look on FB at his picture kissing her). The reality is that nobody is there for you, or on the same page as you are 100% of the time. You don't really need him to lean on. You are quite strong on your own. He is there, he loves you both, and is doing his best. I would say he is a stand up guy.

If he starts to complain, or yell, don't answer if you can do that. Less is best, and he may just not realize he is just taking his stress on the nearest person around.

[Lindsey]

Thank you. I know he is sorry and he loves us a lot. He is doing so much for Layla even if it's not just being with her all the time like I am. He's setting up appointments for therapy and he arranged for us to pick up a second-hand crate for her tonight after work, and he's really just doing so much extra so that I won't have to do it. I need to remember things like that.

[gja1000]

Hi Lindsay, I'm so sorry all this is happening. It is such a big change right now for all of you.

Please try to remember that it will NOT always be this stressful. You WILL get into a routine and life will become more normal, albeit, changed.

This always happens when a health crisis occurs, even with humans, or our children. It seems like the whole world is crashing down around us and in some ways, it is.

But you will make a new way, and Layla's health will become a part of your life, not your whole life. It will take time for the adjustment to occur, but it will occur, and whatever happens with Layla, whether she gets better or stays the same, you will integrate it into your life and will not be as overwhelming as it is right now. You will learn exactly what to do, when to do it, and you will have a set routine that works.

Think of parents or spouses who go through this with their children or husband/wife - it is completely overwhelming and devastating. It is so stressful and people think they can't cope - but 99% of the time, they can cope and they come through the experience better and stronger for having gone through it.

You will be fine - I KNOW it doesn't seem like that right now, but you will be fine. You need to connect with someone who has gone through this with a pet. You need to try to be able to call or connect with them on a regular basis. It will help you to talk with people who have been through it and who are doing just fine. They will validate that your feelings are normal (and they are) and they will be able to give you hope that you can cope (and you can).

I'm not minimizing what you are going through - at all. It is one of the most traumatic things you have ever delt with. But you will get through it. You are a strong, smart, and resourceful woman.

I wish I were there to give you a big HUG!

[Gina]

Lindsey I agree with the other girls.. You and Scott have been through a lot , between the move and Layla its taking an emotional toll. Most men do not know how to cope with sickness and my husband is one of them.. We are women and like Paula mentioned we have maternal instincts , we do best at it. Try not to fight and just over look his frustrations thats what they are and he is acting out on it. He feels helpless that he cannot help Layla in her condition and is afraid as you are... Gayle hit it on the head you are both overwhelmed and in time all will fall into place..

Get some rest and just give Layla love and please don't put up a barrier with Scott try to understand where he is coming from.. It's not easy, you both need to be there for Layla and each other... hugs to you...

[Blueyes]

You've been given wonderful advice Lindsey. I don't have anything to add except that I love you and am praying for you all.

[Marilyn]

All I know to do is give you a hug, (((((((((((Lindsey)))))))))))))

[Lindsey]

Thank you all. We have both just been so upset and frustrated lately, and it came to a head. He came at lunch to bring a package of meat, and he had to run out quick but he told me he loved me, and he already did the rest of our grocery shopping too so we could leave right after work. I love him.

We got Layla a crate tonight and she seems pretty happy in it. We also stopped at the vet here on our way home so she could see Layla. Her husband was there too and he kept saying how Layla was so sweet and had such kind eyes. The vet said "I know, I have to keep asking why it had to happen to THIS dog" but she is still praying for her recovery. She also did a urinalysis because we have been worried about the darkness and odor of Layla's pee... I know it's not like her normal pee. When we called the hospital they said don't worry, but I'm glad we got this urinalysis done because it turns out she does have a slight bladder infection. I knew it. And the vet quickly found out for us after her clinic was already closed. Did I mention I love this town?

On the advice of another yorkie owner from the city (on YT) I got a second opinion about Layla's recovery and therapy and was told that right after surgery is a great time for acupuncture because it helps rebuild connections as the spine is healing itself. So I made an appointment for tomorrow. Right now the bath tub is full and I'm going to go do some water therapy with Layla before finally getting to bed. I have an alarm set for midnight to give her more medication.

This is a full time job right now!

[Lindsey]

I am feeling exhausted physically and emotionally. I took her to acupuncture this morning and she loved it and relaxed and fell asleep. Now we're at work and she's asleep in her crate beside me but every time I look at her my heart breaks. I am not getting any real work done and there's a lot of pressure because I'm the only drafter here and people need their drawings done for reports that are due and I just can't concentrate.

[Gina]

I hope that the acupuncture works I hear that it is good I was thinking of going for acupuncture myself. Lindsey you are such a good mommy.. I didn't realize that you bring Layla to work, I haven't been on much and didn't know that you moved from the condo.. I imagine you do not live close to your mom or anyone who may be able to help out. It is tough working and taking care of Layla, you have a nice boss who allows you to bring her to work with you. I know it is very emotional and exhuasting since you are not sleeping well. Isn't there anyone who you can trust to relieve you during the day a little? Your job is important to and knowing how expensive surgery and their care is you cannot jeopardize your job. Your in a hard place.. I keep you in my prayers and pray that better days are coming..

[Lindsey]

Thank you Gina. I asked permission to bring her to work so I could do her exercises with her during the day. I have nobody near who is willing to take her for the day, except the vet. She let us know she would take her any time as long as we let her know ahead so she'll make sure she's around to express her bladder etc, so her techs don't have to. And that will also cost money of course. I am not near my parents, and my mom hasn't even made an effort to see my new house yet, even though my dad has come in and my mom decided just to stay home instead.

The only other person around is my grandma, but she has a busy life herself and I would not want to put this burden on her. I am still finding it really hard to express Layla's bladder and I know if my grandma couldn't do it, she would just feel terrible.

I figured we're going to be spending about $1000 a month for her physical therapy and acupuncture. We already spent thousands on the surgery. But this is my baby and I love her more than life. I need her to heal and will do whatever it takes.

[Janet]

Lindsey....I have no other advice for you....the ladies here can't be topped, their advice is wonderful. Instead...know that You and Layla are in my prayers.