Today...not such a good one

[Janet]

I was really wanting to go to an auction this morning, but...with no money and no one to stay with Mom....I had to stay home.

I have my IPad paid off now, but that took all my stash..lol. So now I have to save up again. I'm just feeling a little stuck...I'm really a home body, but today...I just wanted to get out for awhile.

I did clean out my dresser, didn't get rid of much, just a few things.

Mom said she thought she'd hear from Brad or Jerry. I felt bad for her. I mean it's the weekend after all, they aren't going to spoil their weekend.

Yes I'm rambling. Sorry.....must be time for some more Xanax....

[gja1000]

Oh Janet, I'm sorry you didn't have such a good day. We all need to get out and about some to recharge our batteries. Like I've said a million times, when family is not there 24/7, they just have absolutely no clue about full time caregiving. It is sad, but true. Hey, maybe you could hire a sitter to come stay with your mom and send them the bill, since they don't have time to come see her or take her somewhere, maybe they can pay for a sitter. Yeah! Now that's a plan! LOL!

[Janet]

Having a sitter is a great idea.....sending them the bill is even greater.....lolol.

I'm really sorry ladies......seems like all I do on here anymore is whine and complain. Please don't be kind and say it's alright, because it's not.....even I'm sick if listening to myself. Darn near every thread I mention Mom and "poor me".

I just love reading about all your wonderful times and family and I just wish I could have the same.
Sad thing is....once Mom is gone I'll probably be wishing she was here so I could care for her again.

[gja1000]

Janet, your trials and tribulations as a caregiver, are consuming your life right now. There is just no other way right now. Caregiving is very very hard, it is actually one of the hardest jobs there is and you get NO PAY! Of course, we take care of our parents because they took care of us - but it is a very difficult and stressful job. Do you know if we paid all the family caregivers in the U.S. for their care, it would cost billions of dollars every year! If we didn't have family caregivers, our health care system would be overwhelmed and it would go bankrupt. Think about how many times your mom was in the hospital before she came to live with you. Think about how she'd be in a nursing home if she weren't with you. Think about how many health care dollars you are saving by taking care of her. Can you see how important your job is right now?

BUT, it is very very arduous and stressful. Family caregivers have higher rates of viral infections (e.g., respiratory infections) than any other segment of the population. They have higher rates of depression too. Did you know that it is not uncommon for the caregiver to die before the care receiver (happens mostly in spousal caregiving situations). Did you know that caregivers experience a depressed immune system so it is harder for them to fight off illnesses? Did you know they have higher overall numbers of illnesses.

Caregiving is not for whimps - if it were more men would do it (sorry, just couldn't resist). LOL!

Janet, you NEED to talk to us about your problems and how you feel. You need to get these feelings out. If you keep it bottled up inside of you, it will damage your physical being, it really will. Pent up stress is a killer, I promise you. We don't mind one bit hearing about your problems - you are NOT feeling sorry for yourself, you are venting to keep your sanity. We are a safe haven here - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not stop talking to us and please do not think you can't talk about your problems - YOU MUST TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS OR YOU WILL GET SICK!

We love you Janet. I know exactly what you are going through - some of us will experience it and some won't - it is one of the hardest jobs on the planet and we are here for you.

Take care of yourself or you won't be able to take care of your mom!

[judy]

Gayle, that is so beautiful! You are wonderful and understanding! I am so glad you were able to put all of this into these wise words so that Janet can know how much she needs to talk to us.

If you are not okay, Janet, then we are all affected! You are loved and needed here. 4WT is like a support group, and a chain is only as strong as it's weakest links! That's why, when one of us needs support, we are here for you.

Not only that, all of us have been, or will be, in a caretaker role, and we are all learning to cope together.

I am sorry you got stuck in for the weekend!

[Gina]

Gayle you have said it beautifully as usual. Janet I can understand exactly what you are going through. I myself was in the same situation many years ago, when both my parents were alive. I for one was the sandiwich generation where I was in between raising my children and taking care of my elderly sick parents. I was the last one born after soon many years and the only girl to. The responsibility was on my shoulders, I had three brothers but one had passed away young many years ago.

To much to get into but Janet sons don't do much sometimes even if they like to they have their wives complaining in the background. I was under so much stress back then, my husband was a good SIL I do have to give him credit. He did a lot for my parents for we lived in the same house but different apartments. One thing you have to remember and I don't know if your mom is doing this yet. But once they are old and sick they don't like to be left alone much and my mom use to complain everytime I went out , I was not allowed a social life lol and my mom had an aide stay with her a few hrs. of the day. You just have to put your foot down.

In hindsight if I had known what I do now I may have done things a little different for myself. Fast forward to today I still get digs from an older brother as to what did you do for parents.. not appreicative at all.. But you know what I know what I did and God does to.. I don't have to prove to no one especially when they were hardly there... I do miss my parents and life has changed. But you are one person Janet and you can only do what you can...

So Janet vent all you like and if you ever want to talk call me... hugs to you....

[Janet]

Thank you all so much. I decided to write to both of my brothers. That way I can reread it a few times and make sure it doesn't sound like I'm attacking. I hope you don't mind Gayle, but I'm using your post in it. It was so wonderfully spelled out that I think they will understand co
ming from someone other than me. You ladies have no idea what you mean to me and that your constant support keeps me going. I truly truly love you so much.

[gja1000]

Of course I don't mind if you use my post! I hope they take it to heart.

[Marilyn]

Janet, so sorry I haven't been on here much to keep up with what is going on, but you know that I think of you and you are in my prayers. I went through these times with my mother when my girls were in middle and high school. She was in an assisted living and then nursing home, but I went to see her every evening after work and fed her. Our girls did their homework many evenings in the nursing home. I didn't have the constant burden that you have, working full time, I wasn't able to have mother at home. We couldn't afford a full time in-home caregiver for when I was at work, and her dementia significantly complicated her care. She was like a baby near the end. Being her only child, it was up to me to make all the decisions concerning her care, and accept the blame when things didn't go like others thought they should.

These are very tough times to deal with, and my heart truly goes out to you. I'll try to be on here more and keep up with you, but if I'm not here, you and your family will be in my prayers.

[Janet]

Thank you Marilyn, you've been missed here at 4WT. Hope you can be here more often.

[judy]

A letter to your brothers is a really good idea Janet. If nothing else, they will know how you feel, and you can get it off your chest to them.

Maybe they will pitch in and help some too!

[DianaB]

I too think that Gayle said things very well!!! We are all here for each other!!! On here our lives are like an open book to each other.....we share our joys, our hurts, and our sorrows. That's what makes us such great friends!!!! Please don't ever think that we don't want to share what you're going through......we're all here for each other!!!! We love you, Janet!!!!

[JJJ]

I think Gayle said everything in one post. And I'm glad she did because I'm horrible with words.

Best I can do is send you positive thoughts and energy. XOXO

[Janet]

I have the letter all written, I just haven't sent it yet....I'm a little nervous so I want to make sure it's perfect before I send it.

[DianaB]

Say a prayer before you send it and I'll be praying that it will be accepted in the spirit that you're sending it. Hugs, Janet!!!