Such A Long Hard Day

[Janet]

As soon as I got done with my bus route and speaking with a first grade class about bus safety, I headed over to see Mom. I didn't visit her yesterday because I was planning to go after my afternoon route but it was so hot on the bus that I ended up with a queezy stomach.

When I got to the hospital Mom didn't look good at all. Her legs and arms are swelling. The infectious disease Dr. asked to speak with me so I knew it wasn't a good thing. She told me that once Mom was in the nursing home, that if she were to get worse, that she really didn't need to be brought back to the hospital....there is nothing left to be done for her. She said the C-diff infection was no longer responding to the antibiotics...that it didn't look like it was going to go away. Also....she said that we should consider stopping dialysis. That with her urine output...basically none...she would pass away within a week if it was God's will. I discussed it with my brothers and my older brother would like her to continue on dialysis for at least a week....so I said okay. Then we will decide what to do after that.

I got a call that Mom was going to be transferred to the nursing home at 5:30 PM. By the time the hospital had her ready to go she made it about 7:30. It was very hard for me....probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Sitting there filling out all the paperwork.

I know it's too late, but to make a longer story short, she is in the nursing home. She's really not knowing too much of what's going on right now, so I'll go back tomorrow afternoon as suggested by the Director of Nursing. She is such a wonderful lady and I already love her. Everyone there is so much more friendly and caring than at Mulberry.

Right now she is sharing a room with a pretty 'loud' woman named LaDora. She's very friendly and joins in every conservation...lol. Mom will be with her until Monday and then Mom will be moved into a private room for awhile. So....it's done...for now.

I have never cried this hard and for this long in my entire life. I'm exhausted.

[Tiramisu]

You are in my thoughts, prayers and heart.

[gja1000]

Oh Janet, this is such a hard hard hard time. I'm so sorry that you, or anyone for that matter, has to go through this. Right now, there are not many words of comfort except to say that you have been such a wonderful daughter and you have made the last weeks for your mom really good ones. I hope you know what a wonderful person you are. Your mom is very lucky to have you for a daughter.

[judy]

Janet, I am so sorry. This is hard for you, and nobody can take the pain from you that she will be gone soon. You have done so much for her, and now God will take care. She is not suffering, and that is because you made sure of that.

Prayers for you, Janet and Mom.

[DianaB]

Oh Janet. What a hard thing to hear. I'm so sorry that it's come to this. You and your Mom and the rest of the family are in my prayers. Hugs!!

[Shada]

Hugs to you Janet.
You are doing what is best for your Mom. I know its not easy. I don't even know what to say. Just know that your friends care, that we are all with you and praying.
Judy wrote a beautiful note. God has her in his hands.
Hugs and Prayers are with you.

[DianeW]

Janet...so very sorry for you and your family and also poor Mum too.

Janet when i went through it with my aunt, i had a little talk to myself, about how much her quality of life was not as it should be, my aunt was always a very fun, independant, and proud woman, and it really upset her over the last few years that her body was letting her down so much. She always used to say to me "in my head i can do what i want.....but my body is telling me different"
I know she would not have wanted to be here after her illness, which would have made her even more dependant, even though it was hard to see her go, i knew in my heart of hearts it was for the best for her.

You are a strong person Janet, and you will get through it too, as i have had to, it is very hard, i have to care for my Uncle who misses her so much and is just a little lost soul without her by his side. I try to always talk about her with him and we laugh now about what we know she would say in certain situations - but it is still hard.

I am thinking of you all....god bless

[highlans]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad time.
I lost my mum a few weeks my heart goes out to you. xx

[Janet]

Thank you all so much for your kind words, they mean more to me than you'll ever know.

Highlans, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I hope you can feel my arms around you for a huge hug.

I spent 6 hours at the NH with Mom. I arrived shortly after noon and ate my lunch there. Shortly after I arrived they came in to take her down for her bath. I thought they had been gone an unusually long time and just as I was getting ready to go check on them...they brought her back. When they tried to get her from the chair to the shower, she passed out and they couldn't hold her up. They gently let her go to the floor and the nurse was called. All her vital signs were all out of whack so they called the Dr. because the nurse thought she may need to go back to the hospital.

The dr. said to just keep an eye on her and her vitals slowly came back to normal. On her way down to the floor after passing out, she rec'd a huge skin tear on the back of her left arm where they were trying to hold on to her. I helped the nurse get it cleaned and bandaged. Mom slept most of the time that I was there. When I told her I was going to head home she wanted to know why and I told her because I had been there for six hours and she was shocked....lol. I told her I mostly just watched her sleep. Mom just smiled. :

[judy]

If she smiled, she is probably not aware of falling. You must be exhausted, and it would be a good idea if you poured yourself a nice glass of wine, and went to sleep.

[judy]

I am so sorry about your mom, Highlans.

[DianaB]

This will be a lot easier on you, Janet. You will get to go in and visit and enjoy your time with your Mom......not have to do all the worrying about all the day-to-day stuff. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Janet]

It is easier on me physically, but not mentally or emotionally. I still worry whether or not Mom is eating, or lying in dirty briefs...etc. Last night was so horrible for her after passing out getting in the shower. The aides couldn't hold her up and gently got her to the floor, but the skin tear is terrible. She asked me today when she could come home. I told her that there is just no way I can take care of her by myself, but hopefully if we both get better she can. I just can't bring myself to tell her that she won't be coming home.

My husband and Mom's friend made it to her place in Florida safe and sound. Tomorrow they will start packing and loading things up. Not sure how long they will be down there, but know it won't be more than a week.

[Lindsey]

Highlans, I'm very sorry about your mom.

Janet, I don't know what to say except you are in my prayers. I have not been able to be on here much lately but I think of you often and my heart aches for you and the situation you're going through.

[JJJ]

Oh Janet I'm so sorry your going through this. I think your a very smart person and doing everything possible to ease your mom. Any decision you've made is for the best.

Positive thoughts and energy going your way. XOXO