Gifts - are we being cheap?

[Lindsey]

I need some advice about gifts for neices and nephews. Growing up, I never got gifts for birthdays or Christmas from my aunts and uncles, unless we were spending the day with them. I don't know if it was just a money thing, but I was always pretty close with my cousins and our families spent time together, but I guess I never expected gifts and my parents were never expected to send gifts to all my cousins.

Anyways, we buy Christmas presents for all of the neices and nephews. I'm okay with that. We don't get anything in return from Scott's side of the family, since his sisters decided that instead of buying presents for each other, they'd just buy for kids. So their kids get presents from all of us, and we are the only ones without kids so we get nothing. I know it's not about that, but I wish it felt more like we were giving for the sake of giving, and not because the family says we have to buy things for the kids. On my brother's side, we buy something for all of them (normally something for the two of them, and seperate things for the girls), and they, as a family, buy something for us (or not even FOR us... last year they donated in our name to buy a donkey for an impoverished family in Africa - I thought that was a great idea!).

For starters, we do not buy birthday presents for my neices on my side. And we spend more time with them than any others. We bought them gifts one time when we were invited to their party and went. We've never been asked to buy them birthday gifts, and as far as I know we have never been expected to! We say happy birthday on Facebook/text or a phone call.

Our little neice who lives five hours away turned one in Febraury. We did not get her a present but we both sent happy birthday greetings over Facebook or text or whatever. When our nephew (and Scott's God-son) turned three in August, we were down there visiting Scott's parents that weekend so we went to his sister's house and had supper and cake with everyone and brought a present for him.

Now that boy's little brother is turning one this weekend. Scott's mom called and asked if we were coming down this Friday for the get-together. Scott said we haven't heard about anything. Nobody talked to us. His mom said his sister is going to have a big family supper. Well, we weren't invited and knew nothing about it. So his mom said if we aren't coming down, we need to at least send our present in the mail. We didn't have a present.

Scott told me later he didn't want to get one because it feels like we will be roped in to have to buy for every birthday from here on in for every neice and nephew (and there will be more!). We are not particularly close with either of Scott's sisters or their families. They never call or talk to us, and we only happen to see them if they come to Scott's parents' house when we are visiting. If Scott and I have kids, I would not expect his sisters or my brother to buy presents for them. Money is tight enough as it is. Scott said his mom made him feel really guilty about not doing enough for his nephew. He said she thinks we have tons of money because we can afford vacations... but we work our butts off to do these things before we have kids. It's not like it's just saying "Hey, let's go on another huge vacation" ... we look at our savings and see what we can get with our budget. We don't have extra savings! This is our first Christmas as husband and wife and can't afford to buy each other Christmas presents. We just decided love is enough, and in the end we are getting the trip of a lifetime!

Anyways, I wonder if we are being guilted about it because we didn't get anything for the neice either... has that been brought up behind our backs? When Scott mentioned we would be seeing everyone in a month at Christmas so we don't have to drive down for this birthday, his mom said well we can just spend more on his Christmas present then, or get him something extra for missing his birthday. He is ONE - will he care? We already have his Christmas gift, and it cost the same as all the others. After going back and forth on it, we decided to just buy a card and send it in the mail.

Is that enough?

[JJJ]

Ok Lindsey this is how my family is. For X-Mas I tell everyone I will only be able to afford the kids gifts. I do exactly that, just buy the kids gifts. I always get something from my oldest sis even thought she knows she won't get anything. The others don't give me anything as expected. I for one prefer for them to save those few dollars they would spend on me on themselves.

As far as birthday gifts for your nephew you guys didn't get invited so a card is more than enough. Do you think they will buy your kids presents one day when you guys aren't even close. If grandma wants her grandkids to have tons of presents she needs to go get them herself. I think Scott is head on with this one. Presents add up and once you have kids you need that extra money spoiling your kids not somebody else responsibility. Lindsey, you will never please your MIL so forget about her and what she thinks other people should do. She's her husbands problem not yours.

[gja1000]

Lindsey, I agree with Jessica, I wouldn't buy gifts either. It's just too expensive to buy for everyone, especially after you have your own kids! Just ignore the gift remarks.

[Lindsey]

Scott and I have talked about if we have kids in the next few years, they will get the short end of the stick for presents lol! I don't want to be buying everyone gifts forever... I don't mind for the little kids, but the older they get, the more expensive things are. I don't want to still be buying them all gifts when they are teenagers (and we'll probably see even less of them then!). So eventually, we will stop with the Christmas gifts for everyone, when they are older. But when those kids are older, our kids would still be young - will they buy our little kids gifts if we stop buying their older kids gifts? Not likely!

But in the end, I don't think it will bother me if anyone doesn't buy our kids gifts. I don't think that would be anyone's responsibility but our own. But I don't like feeling guilted into doing it for others when I know the same rules will probably not apply for us. We are the definite outsiders for not having kids yet.

[DianaB]

I don't think that you should have to buy gifts either. When our kids were little and we only had a few neices and nephews we would buy gifts.....or draw names among the kids but anymore there is just too many and you have to draw the line somewhere.

Personally, I think that Christmas should be more about getting together and less about the gifts. Kids get so many gifts that it doesn't hurt them to go to a gathering and not recieve one. Don't be bullied into buying a gift when you don't feel that you need to.

[judy]

You and Scott weren't even invited to the birthday party, so why would you sebd a gift? And why did they not invite their child's godfather to his first birthday party? That family is full of whack jobs!

I think you should make your own rules about gifts. If you don't want to give birthday gifts, that's fine! His mother needs to take a naked shower with his father!

[DianaB]

I know that you weren't talking about Christmas gifts but something that we do for people that we don't feel like buying a gift for is........we buy a movie, a package of popcorn and some candy and give them a "Movie Night". It's an expensive gift and it can be for the whole family.......and I try to make it a family movie.

[Lindsey]

Lol Judy!!!!! This nephew is not Scott's godson, his older brother is. We always seem to be around for his birthday (not because of an invitation from them, just his mom telling us we need to go), and we have always got him a gift. Anyways, in the end we did send a card and did not get any indication if they've received it or anything. I was texting with his sister yesterday, asking what her stepdaughter would like for Christmas, and it would have been an opportunity for her to say thanks for the card, but she didn't say anything. Oh well.

Diana, I agree that Christmas should be less about gifts. When I was little, I just thought Santa brought me gifts, with maybe one or two from my parents. I didn't grow up thinking I should get gifts from everyone!!!

[Lindsey]

Originally Posted by DianaB

I know that you weren't talking about Christmas gifts but something that we do for people that we don't feel like buying a gift for is........we buy a movie, a package of popcorn and some candy and give them a "Movie Night". It's an expensive gift and it can be for the whole family.......and I try to make it a family movie.

That is a great idea Diana!!! A few years ago, we gave my brother and his fiance a "date night" for Christmas. What else do you get a couple who buys whatever they need? We got them a gift certificate to a nice restaurant, a gift certificate to the movie theatre, and a card saying we will come over and watch the girls for the night so they don't have to find a babysitter.

Last year, part of their gift to us was buying a goat in our name for an impoverished family in Africa. I thought that was such an awesome idea. This year we are going to donate to the WWF in their name. In return, they will get a certificate and a little stuffed animal of the endangered species they "adopted" We just have to choose which species we would like! So we will do that for the whole family, as well as a framed professional picture of the girls from our wedding, and a little gift each for the girls. I really like the charity idea I kind of hope it turns into a tradition between us!

[judy]

The chance to give to those in need in somebody's name is a wonderful gift! I have done it, and it has been appreciated. The framed pictures of the girls is also a lovely gift.

Diana, I love the idea of a movie night gift! That can be done for any occasion. I think that a gift certificate for a couple of video rentals would be nice too with popcorn, etc. That would make a nice birthday gift for an adult too.

I'm giving my grandkids money. I love this! I hated shopping for toys. They had about a gizillion toys already! Kass isn't positive she wants money, so she will decide.

[DianaB]

Lindsey, I'm sure that they'll love the picture of the girls. What a nice gift!!

I like the idea of making a donation to help buy an animal for a person or family in need. The people who got the goat got milk......probably fur to help make clothing.....and meat from their young. I've heard of organizations that do that kind of thing. You can pick what kind of animal that you want to get for them.

A really nice homemade gift that we got last year from Amy was a really nice frame and on the inside instead of a picture she printed off a design with "Bakers" printed on the top. Then she also gave us an erasable marker so we can write on top of the glass. She gave all of her siblings one and me......and each one had a different design with their last names on them. I just love mine!! I remember that Jaci's had sunflowers on it because that's what her kitchen is decorated with.

[Lindsey]

Diana, that is a really good gift idea!!!

While shopping last weekend, we found something else to include in the gift to my brother and his fiancee. It's a funny book called The Marriage Dictionary - the unofficial, TRUE meaning of "I Do" I browsed through it in the store and thought it was hilarious! For example:

Chores: Day-to-day household activities that you and your spouse supposedly divide equally, but in reality will be done by whoever gets fed up with the filth the quickest.

Jell-O: One of only two foods your husband has ever learned to "cook" (see Macaroni & Cheese)

Fat: 1. What your new wife will ask you if she looks every time she tries on a new outfit.
2. The chance that you will ever have sex again if you answer the above question wrong.

Lol!!! I hope they get a kick out of reading it too.

[DianaB]

That sounds like a really funny book! I bet they would love it!! I love to read little funny books like that!!

[2tiredmom]

Our families just get together and have dinner. We don't do gifts. It's way to expensive.
But we use to. We also have done where everyone brings a white elephant gift. Which here means something you have around the house that you don't like or use. It can be fun just watching people open up and see what they get. You pick numbers instead of names. And if some one wants a gift that someone else has gotten you can pick one of those. Just and Idea. Hope it all works out for you.

[DianaB]

Linda, we call that game "Dirty Santa". Everyone that brought a gift takes a number. The first person unwraps that gift.....then the second person can either open another gift or take the gift away from the first person. We play where the gift can only be traded 3 times before it stays with that person. The next person can either open a gift or steal from one of the others.......and the person that had their gift stolen can either open a gift or steal a gift. The game continues until the last number......then the first person can either keep their gift or steal someone else's gift.....then the game is done. It's a very fun game!! Also you hide your gift behind you and the person that's stealing has to remember who has the gift in order to steal it. It's fun to play with a large group of people as long as it's not a REALLY large group!!!