What would you do?

[DianaB]

I am soooooo aggravated at my brother!!! Remember I only have the ONE brother. He's on drugs but hides it from my Mom......borrows money or has money given to him from our Mom.........has a girlfriend that is on drugs but keeps telling us that he's done with her. I could go on and on.


What happened is this........He came to church on Sunday. There was a young woman who went to the front for prayer........and I went up to pray with her.......after church my brother comes up and starts asking me all kinds of questions about her (She's probably in her 20's.....my brother is 50.) He even tells me how pretty she is. Then during lunch (and I didn't hear it) he talks about some Philippino girls that come to church and how beautiful they are. It's not so much WHAT he said as to how he said it. He has a girlfriend and always seems to be looking for the next one. It's disgusting!!

I guess that my Mom told him that he shouldn't say that and he let her know that he can talk about beautiful girls and that there is nothing wrong with that. Glen was really upset at how he talked to my Mom. Personally I think that he's a prevert and I'm tired of having him around.

Glen came home yesterday and he's going to have a talk with my Mom and let her know (without hurting her feelings) that my brother is no longer welcome here. We have beautiful granddaughters that we're not willing to have in the same room with him. We know that they've all been warned to stay away from him because we're all concerned about molestation. Then Glen's going to let my brother know that he's not welcome. If Glen doesn't do it than I'm going to do it and I'm not as good of a communicator asGlen is!!

What do you think about our deciision? I'm so tired of dealing with my brother. My Mom believes all of his lies but I .....nor my family......or my brother's family believe any of them. I won't have him watching my granddaughters with dirty thoughts going through his mind.

[Janet]

I kind of agree with you Diana...he does sound a little like a pervert. There is no way I would feel comfortable discussing women with him or what he thinks of them.

I do have to ask though, why is Glen going to speak with your Mom and then your brother? Everything I've ever read or watched says that if it's his family member, he does the talking if it's her family member, she does the talking. Matter of fact even good ole Dr. Phil just said that the other day.

We can't help our feelings or how we feel toward someone. You know my brothers and I are estranged. My younger brother and I probably won't ever speak again unless it's just a "hi" or something to be cordial. My older brother...the one I was the closest to hasn't made an effort. So...I've decided I can't have that in my life. I will always love them, but will never be able to trust them again with my heart.

You just have to do what you think is best, but I would think it should be you to speak with them.

[gja1000]

Diana, I too would speak to my mom and my brother and if I were not comfortable with him at my house, I would not allow it. You have to protect your family and there is nothing wrong with telling him the way it is going to be.

I know I would not want to be the one talking, but I think Janet it right, you should do it.

[DianaB]

I would do the talking but Glen is very respected by my Mom and she'll be more likely to listen to him. I've tried to let her know that I have a problem with my brother but it just makes her mad. He'll probably talk to her on Sunday and I'll be there but he'll most likely do most of the talking.

As for brother........Glen would definitely be better talking to him than me. He's better at dealing with the lies that my brother tells.......in that he turns them around and asks my brother if he really expects us to believe them. Trust me.......he dealt with my Dad when he was alive too!!

My brother was talking about applying for a job at the grade school too. I'm sorry but I would have to call the school and let them know that they wouldn't want him there.

My brother, besides having affairs on his wives (4 wives so far), has been in court for molestation of a little boy with the boy's father (I'm not sure what went on with this because it was never talked about), he has been fired from a job for sexual misconduct, he has a girlfriend (on drugs) that he is talking about marrying but talks about another girl more than his girlfriend. He has gone to women's homes when their husbands were gone and asked them if they wanted to have an affair with him. Trust me.......I wouldn't put anything past him.

I've let him be around because of my Mom but it's time to put my foot down.

[JJJ]

Diana you guys are doing the right thing. Do not let him around any child because you don't know if he can contain himself. It is so hard and sad but it's reality. You are a wonderful person taking care of your granddaughters. Some people will ignore the facts because there embarrassed it goes on in their family. Good for you.

[DianaB]

Thanks, Jessica. He's been a concern for years and so all of the granddaughters have been warned to stay away from him.

Mom's going to be gone this Sunday and we will be gone for the next two weekends so this is going to have to be put on hold. The whole situation just makes me sick. Why is it that I have ONE brother and he's such a jerk!!

[Blueyes]

I wouldn't just warn my grand daughters to stay away from him, I'd warn my grandsons, too. Do what you have to do to protect your family at all costs! Good job Diana.

[DianaB]

Thank you, Betsi!!

[Janet]

Hoping after you're safely home from your cruise you will update us on how things went between Glen and your mother. I hope she understands the concerns and will not be too hurt.

[Janet]

Time for an update Diana! Hope things went well and are getting better.

[DianaB]

Nope, things are worse. I finally mentioned that my brother is not welcome at our home.......then he got really, really sick. I did go down for his surgery because of Mom. I meant to call or send a card but never got around to it. I did keep in touch with Mom on how he was doing........now she's hardly speaking to me. It doesn't help that it was in the newspaper that he was arrested for "domestic abuse" and I know that Mom probably bailed him out. Oh, and I found out that he married that woman that is addicted to prescription drugs and doesn't get along with.

Mom has mentioned how much healthier he is after spending weeks in the hospital........that's because he couldn't do meth in there! But now that he's out I hear that he's doing it again. I just wish that my Mom would see that there is a problem because she is his enabler. He will never get help as long as she keeps doling money out to him and when Mom is gone he better learn to stand on his own two feet because money won't be coming from me!