Drama!

[Lindsey]

I can not WAIT for my brother's wedding to be over in just 4 more weeks. There is so much drama and so many mixed messages and changes of plans and it is so frustrating for the whole family!

To start, my brother asked my dad about a week and a half ago to be a groomsman at his wedding. They have been engaged for two years now, and had their wedding party chosen basically right after their engagement. So this came out of nowhere, and I'm not sure why. Now my dad has to go to the city and buy a suit to match everyone else. They are not offering to pay for that, and of course, my dad isn't going to say no.

My cousin who recently got married in New Orleans had planned a supper at home with family so her kids could be involved and the rest of the family that didn't go down for the wedding could at least have some part of the wedding. She planned it for the weekend before we all leave for Mexico for my brother's wedding. She doesn't live here but most of the family does, or at least near, so she had planned to come up here to have the supper so it's convenient for everyone else. I mentioned the date to my mom and my grandma, so they'd keep it free until my cousin was able to invite them.

The next day, my brother texted me, frantically asking what our cousin is planning that day, and who she is inviting, because my mom told him about the supper but now his fiance wants to plan her bridal shower for the same day. I said well that's fine, if the bridal shower is in the afternoon, we can still all make it to the wedding supper. He said well he has to figure out when everyone can go because that's the only day everyone can be there for the bridal shower and if it's not until later, there will be a conflict and she REALLY wants me to be there. Right. By the end of the day, he had decided they'd move the shower to a different weekend instead.

The next day, I got a text again saying no, the shower will be the original weekend, but it will be early in the afternoon. I said great, I can make it to both events then, as well as the rest of our family! By the way, this was only last week.

Two days ago, my cousin made concrete plans for her supper, so she contacted everyone, including my brother, telling them the day and the time of her wedding supper. The next morning, my brother called my mom and told her that they are planning to do a supper after the bridal shower with just all of their wedding party, which includes my dad and another cousin, who are obviously both already invited to my cousin's wedding supper. I mean, this is all just so petty, it feels like they want to try to steal everyone from my cousin's celebration!

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but they did a Facebook event for their actual wedding and invited people to the group as their wedding invitation. My mom talked to her mother (my grandmother) two nights ago, and get this, SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MY BROTHER WAS GETTING MARRIED! She would not go to Mexico, but she's our grandma and deserves a courtesy invite! I know my brother didn't send invitations, but she didn't even get a phone call or anything to let her know he was getting married in Mexico in November. If you don't have Facebook, too bad, you're not invited. Our grandma who lives here just heard it through word of mouth and had to get in touch with my brother for details.

By the way, nobody has actually gotten any sort of invitation or been contacted about the bridal shower either, other than my brother texting me and calling my mom.

My mom was frustrated so she called me at least 3 times last night, all worked up about it all... my cousin found out about them planning another supper on the same night and she was frustrated and venting to me about it. My grandma is frustrated because they're storing her wedding dress at her house and she doesn't ever hear from them or know what's going on, and she's frustrated that she doesn't even know their wedding date (because she doesn't have Facebook) and that nobody is telling her anything besides hearsay from the rest of the family.

I feel like I always end up in the middle of these things because everyone wants to vent to me! So thanks for letting me vent here! Maybe this should have gone in that section instead lol....

[DIANE W]

Oh poor you, i just knew this wedding was going to be fraught with controversy.

You are right in the middle of everything, Lindsey i dont know how to advise you, it really is a difficult situation for all your family. I feel for your poor Mum too, weddings should be reasonably stress free and a happy time, even the planning stage.

I would just listen to all of it, try to say as little as you can, and dont get drawn into all the trauma..........easier said than done i know, just tell people that you cant control them, its nothing to do with you, how they arrange their wedding!!!!

I agree though, they do sound as though they are doing it all to control and spoil your cousins evening.

The sooner its over the better.

[Lindsey]

I am just counting down until it's over! I calmed down my cousin, and I tried to calm down my mom, and that's the best I can really do.

I had to straight out ask my brother last week if they are expecting wedding gifts, because I've heard conflicting things about gift etiquette at destination weddings, and EVERYONE in the family has been asking me!!!! I really just don't know. But he told me they are not expecting gifts. Now I have to spread the word.

My brother doesn't even talk to me unless he needs something. His fiance hasn't said a word to me in probably 6 months. I don't understand why everyone thinks I'm the one who is close to the situation.

[Shada]

What a situation you are in!!!! Sorry for you and the rest of your family..

Your soon to be sister-in-law sounds like a real piece of cake!!! And your brother needs to wake up!! My hat is off to you and sorry you are put in the middle. Just think 'and this too shall pass'

I would tell your brother you do not need any stress right now and he needs to make the calls.. if not maybe it will be much quieter without the guests he neglected to call and or invite.... should not be up to you.

Good luck Lindsey ~~ [HUGS]

[gja1000]

Oh Lindsey, I would just hate all this drama. It's so very petty too. The bride knows the plans for your cousin's dinner - and planning a dinner after the shower is just petty petty petty. Why do people have to be that way??? I know you'll be so happy for it to all be over, it just can't be fast enough!!! GRRRRR!

[Lindsey]

I just don't want to care anymore, but it's tough when I care about the other people it's affecting! In the end, Scott and I will have a nice beach vacation. We're not partiers, so it will be relaxing for the most part.

[DianaB]

Just let anyone know that calls you with a problem that they need to talk to your brother. It's not up to you to play middle man for all of this nonsense! You don't need all of this drama!

[Lindsey]

Well, the bridal shower is now just over a week away, and I haven't even been invited. My future sister-in-law hasn't called me, her bridesmaids haven't called me, only my brother texted me to say she really wants me there. I haven't been told a time or a place or anything. I have a gift for her, but maybe I'll end up just sending it with someone else. I feel like I'm not particularly wanted there if nobody is even willing to make a phone call. My mom hasn't been invited either, even though my brother had her switch days at work just so she could be here for it.

[DianaB]

Ask your brother about the time and place so you can be there but make sure that you have your car there so you can leave if you want to. You don't want to be stuck somewhere and not be able to go home.

[Lindsey]

If I don't hear anything this weekend, I will call my brother on Monday and find out the time and place from him. It's all just so disorganized and it makes me want to rip out my hair lol! I'm the kind of person who has my whole schedule planned out as far in advance as possible!

[DianaB]

Just go with the flow. This isn't your problem to worry about. Just have fun!