Feeling cramped!

[Tink]

My 21 yr old son and 19 yr old daughter have both moved back home. They each have a "sweetie" who they bring over often. A young man who has been like a son to us for several years (and is close friends with both of the kids) is currently staying with us, plus of course Dh and I, Moses, Canada, the 12 puppies, and our cat all live here. This is a small 2 bedroom house we bought with "empty nest retirement years" in mind. It's less than 1000 sq ft!

To say we're cramped is an understatment!
We have one bathroom... NIGHTMARE trying to get a shower!
Our living room is overflowing with people all wanting to watch/do different things at the same time.
Our garage is full of all the STUFF they dragged home with them.
DH and I feel we're being pressed right out of our own home.

SO something's got to be done. How much time is ENOUGH time to give them all to get on their feet and fly the coop?
What's a reasonable amount to expect them all to kick in for expenses in the meantime? We're going broke feeding them all, and paying for all the extras that keeping them involves!
I don't mind helping out, but am really sick of tripping over people and their STUFF.
I want my privacy and sanity back but don't want to make enemies in the process.
HELP!

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Tink

My 21 yr old son and 19 yr old daughter have both moved back home. They each have a "sweetie" who they bring over often. A young man who has been like a son to us for several years (and is close friends with both of the kids) is currently staying with us, plus of course Dh and I, Moses, Canada, the 12 puppies, and our cat all live here. This is a small 2 bedroom house we bought with "empty nest retirement years" in mind. It's less than 1000 sq ft!

To say we're cramped is an understatment!
We have one bathroom... NIGHTMARE trying to get a shower!
Our living room is overflowing with people all wanting to watch/do different things at the same time.
Our garage is full of all the STUFF they dragged home with them.
DH and I feel we're being pressed right out of our own home.

SO something's got to be done. How much time is ENOUGH time to give them all to get on their feet and fly the coop?
What's a reasonable amount to expect them all to kick in for expenses in the meantime? We're going broke feeding them all, and paying for all the extras that keeping them involves!
I don't mind helping out, but am really sick of tripping over people and their STUFF.
I want my privacy and sanity back but don't want to make enemies in the process.
HELP!

Tink you are such a wonderful person, but honey, you really need to "JUST SAY NO!!" That was a rule my mother had for all four of us kids...we were to be sure when we moved out, because once we were out, we couldn't come back...only for visits.

At the bare minimum, I would charge $50 a week for them to stay there and another $25 a week if they want to eat. Where else can they live that cheap? You may even want to charge more just for the inconvenience...it's sad that they can see what it's doing to you themselves. I would give them no more than 30 days to get out.

If it goes on much longer it will get harder. I've always been a firm believer that you can only be walked on when you're lying down.

[judy]

When I got a part-time job, as a young teenager, I was expected to give $15.00/week to my parents. There was no sit down, family meeting, explanation, etc.
I was told that I had to chip in and that was it! I didn't even mind. It just wasn't an option.

My parents were by no means poor. We just were raised that way. My mother did surprise me later on. When I was planning my first wedding, she very unexpectedly handed me all of the money she had collected from me over the years for me to buy myself a trousseau. Had she not, I wouldn't have minded giving that money over.

(Actually, I was a "hippie" in those days and had no need for a trousseau - I only wore jeans. But that's a story for another thread).

[AngieDoogles]

Yikes Tink! That does sound cramped. Hopefully, the children will be out on their own soon and you can have your house back!

Judy, I'd LOVE to hear that story sometime. Go make a thread NOW. lol

[patty58]

I feel your pain!! My daughter and her 2 daughters live with us and we support them all while my daughter is going to school. In the 39 years we have been married we have had the first 3 years before kids and after kids about 6 months. This is not how we planned to spend our retirement. Don't get me wrong, we are very glad to be able to help them out but we keep wondering when will it end???

[judy]

Originally Posted by AngieDoogles

Yikes Tink! That does sound cramped. Hopefully, the children will be out on their own soon and you can have your house back!

Judy, I'd LOVE to hear that story sometime. Go make a thread NOW. lol

That's a story and a half. I'll surprise you one day when I gather the energy to talk about those days. I'll tell you this though - it was a wonderful time to grow up!

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by judy

That's a story and a half. I'll surprise you one day when I gather the energy to talk about those days. I'll tell you this though - it was a wonderful time to grow up!

I'll be looking forward to it.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by judy

That's a story and a half. I'll surprise you one day when I gather the energy to talk about those days. I'll tell you this though - it was a wonderful time to grow up!

Don't forget Judy, pictures are great with stories...lol

[DianaB]

Tink, I think that you need to sit your kids down and explain that your little house is just not big enough for them to live with you and give them a period of time to get out. I definitely would have them get their boyfriends and girlfriends out because you don't have the room and they are an added expense. Or start charging EVERYONE rent. If they're hanging around watching TV then have it turned off for a while. Stand your ground, Tink, just like you do with your neighbors. Be persistant, but gentle and don't allow them to move back in.

Judy, I would like to hear your story too AND see the pictures!!!!!!

[Tink]

Thanks Ladies

The 21 yr old has agreed to move out in a couple weeks. (Now just so he does) So he and his gf not being here so much will help. I really do like her but even if she doesn't live here, it's one more body in the way.

The 19 yr old wants out... she has never liked to live at home... but has to find a job that she can support herself on. She's going job hunting with a friend today, so I hope she finds something! Her bf works a full time and a part time job besides, so that helps keep him from being here any more than he is. He introduced Katie to his dad and bro this weekend so now they can spend some time there rather than always hanging out here. whch will help some too.

Doug, the friend, started a decent paying job last week so said he will start chipping in with his first check. He's working 70+ hrs a week so isn't here much anymore, but still needs to go asap. I have to give him credit though.... he's more apt to help with the dogs or even housework than my own 2 are. I think he realizes he's on thin ice not being blood family. lol

So far they've all taken my boot in the butt nicely. I think they realize they need to go, it's just too easy not to as long as we don't give them that push. So Here's me PUSHING

[DianaB]

Good for you, Tink! At least they know to be looking and preparing to move out. It will happen just keep being persistant!

My college age daughter moved back home this spring after she graduated and she really needs to be on her own too, but she's been waiting to settle into a job and see how things go. (Plus there's hardly been any houses available since the flood.) Well, this last week she rented a house in town and she's moving out the first of November! I like having her here but once they get used to living on their own it's hard to move back home (and it's hard on the parents too).

[rivermom]

That definitely is a housefull. It sounds as though everyone is helping out in the ways that they can. That's good! It would be worse if you sat them down to explain and they just "didn't get it"...Luckily everyone seems to be understanding everyone's needs.