My Daughter Jessica called me!!!

[judy]

I finally am calm enough to write this down. I had a voicemail message on my cell phone from this morning. It was my daughter Jessica! She said Hi, I hope you don't mind me calling (as if!), that she missed me, and that she felt like this was enough already and it's time to put everything behind us and just get on without apologizing and going back and forth. She said time is too short and life is too precious to waste and that she just wanted a relationship with me and for the kids to have a relationship with me.

She knew about the flowers I sent on Sept. 11th and about the nasty phone calls her husband had made to me. She said that that was going to stop and they had been talking and both felt that enough was enough.

She said she had no idea how I felt about this and left her number if I was interested in calling her back.

She sounded good, which is wonderful. She didn't sound sick at all.

I am ecstatic.

I don't trust her husband in the least. It wasn't more than 6 or 7 weeks ago that I was getting his nasty messages, and I surely don't believe that he wants me in their lives. At this point, I have to get across to her that as long ad she will back me up and take my side with him, this can work. Unfortunately, we're not going to be one big happy family. I've tried everything with him. I even went to Alanon for 2 years to learn how to deal with him. He's a real mean alcoholic who won't allow anyone to get close to him and certainly not to love him.

I'm praying that I can get the fact to her as nicely as possible that she has to back me up where he's concerned, and then I think it will work out fine.

The funny thing is that I realized when I got the call that part of me has been waiting for that call. You know the bond between mother and child can be so strong sometimes.

I can put whatever she has done behind me. Him too, but I just don't trust him to do the same. He's 40 now and just isn't about to stop his abusive ways. I'm praying that she can be strong enough to not allow him to treat me badly. In the past, he would treat me terribly and after a few years it became somehow my fault in both their minds. I became the scapegoat.

I pray she has gotten past that for all of our sakes. I really need her in my life and my grandchildren too.

I've been telling God lately that enough is enough. There's no more for me to learn from this and it's time for me to have her back in my life already!

I'm not making that much sense here, as I re-read this, but I think you can get the gist.

[katepoet]

My first thought at seeing your header was "Praise God!" When I read your words, I knew it was the right thought. The Circle spins on its own time and it has come around to you again. Hallelujah! May the Light always be with you and your daughter. May it come into the heart of her husband and change his life.
all my love
Kate

[Mandy]

Oh Judy, i am ecstatic with you! You need each other, and your grandbabies need you too. Enjoy this feeling, we are here for you always, you know that

[Janet]

Oh Judy!!!!! I am so happy for you, I know how badly you want this.

I must say too, I'm a little worried....

I'm praying that I can get the fact to her as nicely as possible that she has to back me up where he's concerned

I don't know if that will work....he's her husband and that may just turn her back the other way...ya know? I want this to work out for your, but I don't know if that demand will work. Maybe after you two are together for awhile, but I'm just afraid that it won't work if it's brought up too quickly.

I'm keeping you in my prayers, Judy....

[Tink]

Judy, I'm so glad she finally called you!

I have to admit I agree with Janet though... given the way things have been, that might simply be asking too much. If you've gone to Alanon then you know she has no control over him or the way he treats you or even her. I don't know that you can ask her to promise what's not hers to give without her just turning away again.

My prayers are with you to have this work out well.

[judy]

Well, we spoke for over an hour. I got to speak to all 3 of my grandchildren. They are so precious! We both love each other and she invited me up for Thanksgiving.
I'll go for sure, but I think I'll stay in a hotel. The whole family will be there and I believe a little distance goes a long way.

I did bring up her backing me up in the nicest way and she agreed. I don't want her to go against her husband or to fight with him, but to communicate with me if he won't allow something or if I do something that upsets him, etc. I told her I can't go through his being nasty and her not calling me and either explaining it to me or telling me not to worry about it. For example, I told her that when I called on a Wednesday and he told me I couldn't see the children, if she had called me and told me that he was just upset about whatever, I could certainly have looked the other way. She understood that. She did explain that there are certain things that he just won't go along with and there's nothing she can do about it. He does it to his mother too. I said, just call me and let me know and that's that. I don't expect him to change and I don't want her to fight with him, just back me up when I need it or explain things to me so I know that she understands how I feel. She does seem to understand this. She said she probably didn't handle things the right way, but she wasn't ready to start over with me again and neither was he.

So, it looks like I'm going to have to look the other way a lot with him, as long as she communicates with me as to what's going on .

There was a lot more to the conversation, but I'll go more into it tomorrow.

I'm very happy. She said she's been feeling really well for about a year now. We both agreed that it's a miracle.

[rivermom]

Originally Posted by judy

I finally am calm enough to write this down. I had a voicemail message on my cell phone from this morning. It was my daughter Jessica! She said Hi, I hope you don't mind me calling (as if!), that she missed me, and that she felt like this was enough already and it's time to put everything behind us and just get on without apologizing and going back and forth. She said time is too short and life is too precious to waste and that she just wanted a relationship with me and for the kids to have a relationship with me.

She knew about the flowers I sent on Sept. 11th and about the nasty phone calls her husband had made to me. She said that that was going to stop and they had been talking and both felt that enough was enough.

She said she had no idea how I felt about this and left her number if I was interested in calling her back.

She sounded good, which is wonderful. She didn't sound sick at all.

I am ecstatic.

I don't trust her husband in the least. It wasn't more than 6 or 7 weeks ago that I was getting his nasty messages, and I surely don't believe that he wants me in their lives. At this point, I have to get across to her that as long ad she will back me up and take my side with him, this can work. Unfortunately, we're not going to be one big happy family. I've tried everything with him. I even went to Alanon for 2 years to learn how to deal with him. He's a real mean alcoholic who won't allow anyone to get close to him and certainly not to love him.

I'm praying that I can get the fact to her as nicely as possible that she has to back me up where he's concerned, and then I think it will work out fine.

The funny thing is that I realized when I got the call that part of me has been waiting for that call. You know the bond between mother and child can be so strong sometimes.

I can put whatever she has done behind me. Him too, but I just don't trust him to do the same. He's 40 now and just isn't about to stop his abusive ways. I'm praying that she can be strong enough to not allow him to treat me badly. In the past, he would treat me terribly and after a few years it became somehow my fault in both their minds. I became the scapegoat.

I pray she has gotten past that for all of our sakes. I really need her in my life and my grandchildren too.

I've been telling God lately that enough is enough. There's no more for me to learn from this and it's time for me to have her back in my life already!

I'm not making that much sense here, as I re-read this, but I think you can get the gist.

Judy - you have made PERFECT sense to me! I can't express to you how happy I am for you, for both of you. My hands are actually shaking and heart racing as I type this to you. I can only imagine the feelings that rushed through you when you called her back and she heard you say "I love you.". What a moment!!

[AngieDoogles]

Judy, what wonderful news!!! I can't tell you how happy it made me to read this!! That phone call must have been the nicest surprise you've ever gotten. I am hoping and praying that things go smoothly between the two of you.

Wow, I'm just so excited for you! YAY!

[Mandy]

Originally Posted by rivermom

Judy - you have made PERFECT sense to me! I can't express to you how happy I am for you, for both of you. My hands are actually shaking and heart racing as I type this to you. I can only imagine the feelings that rushed through you when you called her back and she heard you say "I love you.". What a moment!!

Come here you!

[DianaB]

Judy, I'm so happy for you!!! Your daughter is finally reaching out to you because she wants you in her life. How special!!! Keep in mind that she is in the middle with you on one side and her husband on the other. Don't stoop to her husband's level and play tug of war with her. Just keep the door of communication open so she can come to you when she needs to talk. You are very blessed to have her back in your life again. I'll be praying that all goes well for Thanksgiving!!!

[Gina]

Judy, I to am so happy for you. God has answered your prayers. You have your daughter and your grandchildren back into your life and what a blessing.

I to tell you to overlook your son in law he doesn't sound to well grounded, sometimes in life we have to over look a lot just to make peace. I will give you a for instance, my sis in law older son is married to a woman who does not care for her. They have had words in the past, so to make peace when my sis in law and her daughter in law are in each other's company they act civilized. My nephew has three children, so he visits his mother often and brings the grandkids alone.. His wife allows the kids to go to grandmas, but she does not visit her home. My point here is that my sis in law is happy to see her grandkids, She doesn't like that her daughter in law does not treat her like a mother, but she has accepted it. A choice that has been made for her.

Jessica has told you that he is this way with his own mom, so what can you expect Judy. My advice to you is to treasure your relationship with your daughter and grandchildren. Go spend Thanksgiving with them and do what grandmothers do best.. LOVE THEM... I guess your daughter does not live close by you.

to you my friend

[judy]

Thank you all for your support! Like Tink said a couple of weeks ago, we need each other! I couldn't wait to post this yesterday. And Janet and Tink, I appreciate your loving advice so much (even though I didn't exactly take it, I did say what I had to say very softly and as lovingly as I could).

Anyway, I just got off the phone after about an hour of my granddaughter, Mackenzie, talking nonstop. I think I might have gotten 3 sentences in! It was so wonderful.

I was going to wait a few days to call, so as not to overwhelm them, and also to avoid getting her husband on the phone, but at 9 PM my daughter called and told me that Mackenzie wanted to say good night to me, so she went to put the 2 little ones to bed while my angel girl and I chatted. Jessie said she'll call me tomorrow.

I'm kind of still in shock over this. It's so funny how life can change in a moment's time for bad and foe good.

I'm not going to read your posts for the day because I'm really in my own little cloud and not thinking so straight. I hope everybody is okay. I'll talk to you all tomorrow.

Sheryl - I'm praying for you next.