Confused

I prob. shouldn't feel this way but i can't help it. I keep having dreams that my bf likes one of my friends! I wake up confused, angry and sad. In one dream they were flirting with each other and really hurt me. I say i shouldn't feel this way cause he really doesn't do much to make me feel like he likes her, there's just little things that make me think. But idk it's just there, that feeling and it's a bad one. Has anyone ever felt this way?

[katepoet]

Sometimes, I think that is one's own personal insecurities shining through, and other times it can be that you are picking up on a real issue - not that he likes her better but that he is not liking you enough or putting you first when the two of you are socializing with others. Being in a relationship takes a commitment that can mean modifying the way we act with friends and relatives so that the relationship comes first.

He may be ready to do that or he may not - but it sounds like it's something you need to bring up. Think about it for awhile and find a way to phrase it so you are not on his case and not making yourself sound insecure, just focus on the level of commitment and how you feel about the interactions with friends and family and their impact on you both.

(I should say that I did have a bf - long term committed - in college who acted like that with my best girlfriend and as soon as he and I decided to take a break for a bit, the two of them hopped into bed - so trust your gut, too!)

Originally Posted by katepoet

Sometimes, I think that is one's own personal insecurities shining through, and other times it can be that you are picking up on a real issue - not that he likes her better but that he is not liking you enough or putting you first when the two of you are socializing with others. Being in a relationship takes a commitment that can mean modifying the way we act with friends and relatives so that the relationship comes first.

He may be ready to do that or he may not - but it sounds like it's something you need to bring up. Think about it for awhile and find a way to phrase it so you are not on his case and not making yourself sound insecure, just focus on the level of commitment and how you feel about the interactions with friends and family and their impact on you both.

(I should say that I did have a bf - long term committed - in college who acted like that with my best girlfriend and as soon as he and I decided to take a break for a bit, the two of them hopped into bed - so trust your gut, too!)

Omg i would just be torn! Well here's the thing. She's not here now, she's away at school. Even when she was here it's not like they would flirt. Actually we were all in the same school dorming together 1st semester and i didn't feel this way at all before cause we were all just friends, we weren't even going out at that time. It's then that he liked me and after we got together. Now it's been like 2 yrs. Well he's great to me, etc. pays a lot of attention to me and is always with me but it's just little things that make me think that like before i would catch him looking at her pictures on myspace, college websites It would piss me off so i questioned him about it and i think now he prob. does it behind my back. IMO a guy doesn't keep looking at a girls' pictures and page if they don't have some interest in them. Also he would bring up her name a lot like ask about her, who is she seeing, etc. He would just care a little too much. The other day he heard from a friend that she has been sleeping around in college with frat brothers and he told me. I was like okay..how do you know this? He said his friend just told him but it makes me wonder, did he ask about her? Why? What were they talking about? It's so frustrating! And on top of that last night i had another bad dream that i caught them kissing! I was beyond mad in my dream and just losing it. If he ever cheated on me no doubt i would break up with him right away, but he's not that type. But there's just this bad feeling, that i don't know is he likes her or not, like why does he care so much about what she does or who's she's with and keep looking at her pictures It makes me very insecure

Oh yea i forgot to add..one time we all went out, a bunch of our friends. When we were on the way home in the car, it was me(bf), my friend and this other friend sitting in the back. We were all squished. Well i was sitting on his lap and she was next to him but her back was kinda to him. Well he was really drunk and he was like scratching my back, when i looked over he was scratching her back! I know this might be stupid of me but i just got so mad. I kept it in of course He had one arm around her and the other scratching her back, he only does that to me. She didn't say anything, i guess she figured oh it's not a big deal, we're all friends. idk. He was really drunk so idk if that explains it but still, we always agree that we know what we're doing when we're drunk and that it's no exception. The next day he felt sick and didn't remember anything at all. I didn't mention it but i was mad and he couldn't tell why i was mad. I was actually mad for a couple of days and kind of ignored him for a while and then i put it to the back of my mind. It just made me think cause again i know it's prob. a stupid reason to be mad but he would never go and just scratch one of his friend's backs, that's so not like him ayayay

[katepoet]

Definitely sounds like he doesn't know the lines for friendship with the opposite sex when you are in a committed relationship - you just can't be good buddies like that - it hurts the one you love! Maybe, he just doesn't get it - I hope that's all. Hope you can tell him that you need him to cut it out, that he's hurting your feelings. It's important that he respect you and how you feel.

I defintiely think that you should talk to him about it. Just let him know that..to him it might be nothing. But it makes you feel uncomfortable and that's not fair to you. Ask him to himself in your shoes. If you were doing something that made him uncomfortable, you would want to know so you can stop! Even if you didn't agree with it, or see why, yaknow? Good luck!

Originally Posted by katepoet

Definitely sounds like he doesn't know the lines for friendship with the opposite sex when you are in a committed relationship - you just can't be good buddies like that - it hurts the one you love! Maybe, he just doesn't get it - I hope that's all. Hope you can tell him that you need him to cut it out, that he's hurting your feelings. It's important that he respect you and how you feel.

Thnx! I asked him about that time and he said he doesn't even remember. Sometimes when he's that drunk he blacks out Other then that he acts fine, respectful, etc. It's just those little things make me mad

Originally Posted by Gutu28

I defintiely think that you should talk to him about it. Just let him know that..to him it might be nothing. But it makes you feel uncomfortable and that's not fair to you. Ask him to himself in your shoes. If you were doing something that made him uncomfortable, you would want to know so you can stop! Even if you didn't agree with it, or see why, yaknow? Good luck!

Thank you! Yea i think we just need to talk about it

[katepoet]

Sounds like he needs to watch his alcohol consumption. Drinking too much can really screw up life!