To Have or To Not Have Kids

[Ponyup]

I will preface this with the fact that I'm a little freaked out right now. My husband & I are at the age & place in our marriage (6 years on sunday) where people are constantly asking this question. I know my mother would love a grand child, but she knows better than to push. Emotionally I want one. I love children & I know Jeremy & I would be great parents. However, rationally I just can't see bringing a child into our current society with the economic troubles, school shootings, wars....ect. I had pretty much decided I was going to go for it in a year or two, but circumstances recently changed. My dad's company that he started 18 years ago was recently sold to another larger company. Everything was going fine & pretty much the same, but lately news has been circulating that they are moving all corporate jobs to their headquarters in Wakegan, but they aren't offering any of our people these jobs. So they are going to lay off pretty much our entire finance & customer service department. As of yet my husband & I's jobs are not on the chopping block, but it could happen. My hubby & I are on the hunt for jobs. I've never done a resume or cover letter, so we'll see how well I do.

In this economic downturn it just made me think what would we do if we had kids. With is just being the two of us, we can get buy on pretty little & pick up & move if need be, but with kids things get trickier. I'm just thinking I guess. And wanted to know your thoughts on whether or not the country will rebound or if it'll continue to head south & would you have children in this atmosphere?

[DianaB]

It seems like there's never a "perfect" time to have children. Something always comes up to get in the way. Buy having children is one thing that you'll never regret. After you have them you'll wonder how you ever got along without them.

The only thing that I recommend is to make sure that you put a lot of time and energy into them. Most of the parents that you hear complain about their children are the ones who didn't take the time to love and discipline their children properly. Before I had children I heard other people complain about other family's children and decided that mine would not be ones that others complained about. I worked on discipline and manners and I always got the most wonderful compliments on my children. My husband even thought that I was too hard on them but admits now that I did a good job with them. I raised my kids to be someone that I enjoyed being with, not bothered by.

I have 4 children, from 33 years to 16 years and I have 5 grandchildren. I started by getting pregnant in high school and now at 51 I still have my last daughter at home, at least for a couple more years. I wouldn't change anything and I absolutely love having grandchildren!!!!!! (Sorry that this is long!!)

[Janet]

I couldn't say it any better than Diana, there will never be the 'perfect' time. I wouldn't trade my time being a mother for anything in the world. I love being with my son and it's like Diana said...it's because I learned from others mistakes and I spent the time and energy it took. One of my mottos was that I will be his friend when he is an adult, until then I'm his mother with a job I take very seriously..

[Dobie]

I'm not sure how old you are, but the decision to put off having kids until the time is "right" can have consequences. I'd hate to see anyone else in my position, unable to have kids and having a lifetime of regrets.
You and your husband need to sit down, think about all the possibilitites - and make the choice that is right for you, don't let other peoples needs and wants cloud your decision.

[jrsygal37]

There is really never a right time. Society will alway have problems, finances may not always be right but once your child comes it all seems to work out. Hubby and I adopted our two boys. When we were given the opportunity to adopt our first my husband asked me "Do you want the house first or the baby first." Adoption was expensive and our savings for our home was used to bring out baby home all $50,000 of it. Am I sorry. NEVER. We lived in an apartment / more like a condo with our son and guess what two years later we brough our second son home and still no home. We made do with the room we had and about a year after that we bought our home. We are living in it now for the past almost 13 years. My little babies are now not babies anymore. My oldest is going to be 15 yrs. old and my youngest turned 12 this past April. Our economy is terrible, gas is high, food is high, and my teen son's wardrobe is leaving me broke but I would not change any of it. In fact I look back and wish they were still young, wish I could have had just one more baby. It wasn't in the cards. Don't wait until the world is better. Sadly it won't happen. Don't wait for a better economy. There will always be problems. Go with your heart and if your heart is ready for a baby then the time is right. If you aren't ready yourself then that's a different story. Elaine

[pope1982]

Pony, I just wanted to offer my support in saying, I know exactly what you are going through. We go through the same thing daily!

Good luck in your decision making, what will be will be Try not to drive yourself too nuts during your free spirited time if having children is in your future. Take it easy.

[Ponyup]

Originally Posted by pope1982

Pony, I just wanted to offer my support in saying, I know exactly what you are going through. We go through the same thing daily!

Good luck in your decision making, what will be will be Try not to drive yourself too nuts during your free spirited time if having children is in your future. Take it easy.

Thanks pope. I'm not saying I don't want a child because I've always wanted children. But I have to think about what kind of life this child will have in the current society. Society has changed so much since I was a child (I am 28). In fact it has changed so much since I graduated from college 6 years ago. I just can't help, but remember the issues I went through & how they have been compounded in the last 10 years by the downslide of our society. I can't know what world we will be living in in 10 years 20 years, but if the current state is of any indication it will be bad. How can I bring something I love more than anything into a world that could be miserable & full of fear & pain. I've searched & asked for a better reason to procreate than the fact I really want to or society expects me too. This one choice will affect the life completely of another human being. It's an extremely hard decision in the current state of affairs.
I am young & i have 5-7 years to make this decision. It's just hard. I know I would love a child & give the best life I possibly could, but would that be enough. A lot of the people in my parents generation wanted to have children to give them a better life than they had. I'm not sure a better life exists anymore.

[Janet]

How can I bring something I love more than anything into a world that could be miserable & full of fear & pain. I've searched & asked for a better reason to procreate than the fact I really want to or society expects me too. This one choice will affect the life completely of another human being.

The only real answer I have to your questions is...your child may be the child that leads us to something better....he/she may be the one to make all the difference. If it's meant to be...you'll know.

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by Ponyup

Thanks pope. I'm not saying I don't want a child because I've always wanted children. But I have to think about what kind of life this child will have in the current society. Society has changed so much since I was a child (I am 28). In fact it has changed so much since I graduated from college 6 years ago. I just can't help, but remember the issues I went through & how they have been compounded in the last 10 years by the downslide of our society. I can't know what world we will be living in in 10 years 20 years, but if the current state is of any indication it will be bad. How can I bring something I love more than anything into a world that could be miserable & full of fear & pain. I've searched & asked for a better reason to procreate than the fact I really want to or society expects me too. This one choice will affect the life completely of another human being. It's an extremely hard decision in the current state of affairs.
I am young & i have 5-7 years to make this decision. It's just hard. I know I would love a child & give the best life I possibly could, but would that be enough..........

Yes, things have changed a lot in our society and it is a cause for concern. My kids are not a part of the problem though. My husband and I put a lot of time and effort raising our children and I can honestly say that my children are a benefit to our society. They are all hard-working, honest Christian people. I've never had a problem with any of them drinking or doing drugs. They've never spent the night in jail and never been on welfare.

We've learned to have our fun in simple ways and boy, do we enjoy having fun! My family in turn shares what we have with other less fortunate children, often taking friends with them on trips or we invite them to be a part of the fun that we're having, swimming, ice skating, or sledding. Several of members of my family have teach classes in our church that work with children that don't have much of a homelife and, yes, sometimes we do make a difference.

Do I worry about the future and how it will affect my family? Yes, I do, but I also like to think that my family affects the little piece of the world that surrounds them.

Originally Posted by Ponyup

...........A lot of the people in my parents generation wanted to have children to give them a better life than they had. I'm not sure a better life exists anymore.

What's a better life? Having so many "things" that we don't appreciate what we have? Sometimes we have to step back and look at what we "really" want to give our children. Here's what I want my children to have.......

1. First and foremost, a relationship with God. What is life if you don't have God in it?
2. I want my children to know how much their parents love them. I tell them all the time and I try to show them.
3. I want them to know that hard work pays. When you work hard for the money that you've earned then you take care of what you have because YOU worked for it. I don't want them to expect Mom and Dad to pay their way. We help out occassionally but we've taught them to work hard and pay their own way.
4. I want my children to make good choices in life. We tried to teach them that you reap what you sow with your choices. You want to have credit card debt then it's up to you to pay it off. You want to drive too fast then you pay for the higher insurance. Good choices, just like bad choices reap their benefits too.
5. I want my children to know that they don't have to do or have what "everyone else" has or does. I want them to be able to step away from a crowd and say no.
6. I want my children to be able to have good clean fun. Sometimes we play as hard as we work!!! We always have fun that even the little kids can be a part of.

I've got a little girl that I'm babysitting today that just got here. I'm sorry that this is so long. If I think of more I'll add it later. I hope that I've given you a different point of view. Love ya'--Diana

[HALEY]

There is never a "right time" to have a child, but once you do, believe me you'll never regret it!! I got pregnant on my honeymoon, and my marriage is not the greatest, but one thing that My husband and i will NEVER regret is having Micah, he was my gift from God.. and i'll love him forever, just wait till you hear your child say Ma Ma for the first time. it's wonderful!! and everyday is a learning experience for you, to see your childs face light up wen he discovers something new, or when you teach them itsy bitsy spider for the first time, he still amazes me everyday.. I love being a mom....
Yes you will have your ups and downs, and money will be tight ... and the economy will go up and down. the world changes everyday and we have no control over it.. so why dwell on it...
Just put your trust in God and he will lead you to where you are suppose to be.
Good Luck girl.....