Brandi

[Lindsey]

Please pray for my cousin Brandi. She means so much to me. Her ex (father of two babies) came into the city with her and we just saw each other tonight for the first time in over 2 years. We went out for a few drinks while her dad and his gf watched the kids (the ex had to go out and gamble) and just before we left the bar he was texting her, calling her a terrible mother for leaving her kids alone and really just ripping into her. She said it was all okay. About a half hour after I got home she called and said he was pushing her around and calling her names and grabbed her by the hair and smashed his face into hers. I said I'd be right over. I just left the hotel. He pretended to be asleep the whole time. It's 5 am and I need to get up in 3 hours for a hair appointment for the wedding tomorrow. Her kids are still crying and screaming so she won't be getting any sleep. I hate him.

[Dobie]

I'm sorry this happened to your cousin! Were the police called? Domestic violence cannot be tolerated, it sounds as though those kids were really traumatized by what their mother was subjected to!

[Janet]

Dobie is right Lindsey. She needs to call the police and Lindsey...take pictures of her and date them. If she doesn't want to do anything about it now...at least there will be evidence for her to use when she does do something about it.

Please talk her into getting out of that relationship. There is no reason this should be tolerated...this is not love.

[Lindsey]

She ended the relationship a long long time ago. They still get along and he came to help her with the kids and he told he he could watch them while she was out with me and doing other family things, so she wouldn't have to worry about finding a babysitter. Anyway, apparently he was drunk last night and all of a sudden got really jealous that she was out with me and she was a "stuck up b*tch" for not inviting him along. And he said things like she's just out there flirting with guys and being a "drunk mother" while her babies are at the hotel without her, etc etc etc.
This morning she is acting like nothing happened.

[jrsygal37]

I'm sorry for your cousin that this happened. I'm more sorry for the kids involved for they are the innocent. She really needs to put the kids first and get rid of this piece of crap. Anyone that would do that in front of their kids is not a father. I"m sure it was not the first time. Elaine

[DianaB]

It sounds like she was already smart enough to get away from this guy. Now she needs to remember that the next time he offers to help her out with the kids or anything else. This guy's a jerk!!!

[Lindsey]

Well he effectively ruined our whole plans. Last night there was all that drama. I got 3 hours of sleep all night, she got 2. This morning I spent $80 getting my hair and her daughter's hair done for the wedding. During the ceremony her daughter was running around the church like crazy, and to be honest I was appalled that she was not disciplined at all. We went to my grandma's house with the rest of the family but she left right away saying she felt uncomfortable because we all know each other and she's barely ever been around our family.
Anyways tonight I convinced her to bring the kids to the supper because that's the only way she could come... her ex REFUSED to watch his kids for her. So she brought them and it was HELL. There was a piano and during speeches they were running up there and banging on the keys, stomping around on the floor, running into the kitchen and even right out of the building!!! She was trying to get her daughter some food and her son all of a sudden came out of a hallway with NO PANTS ON running around like a madman. He's 2 and everyone laughed but she was so embarassed at how they were acting, she almost cried. Her ex wouldn't answer his phone when she was calling to get him to pick up a kid or two. She didn't even eat at all, and when her brother said he'd come get them, she just left saying she'd be back later when someone could watch her kids (her dad volunteered earlier)
So I kept trying to get ahold of her and finally she said her dad came home from work and bragged to her about how he just drank 8 beers at work, obviously illegal but he's an alcoholic so whatever. She didn't want to leave her kids with him. Then her ex wouldn't watch them either. So her whole reason for coming up here, our months' worth of planning what we would wear, buying new outfits, makeup, jewelry, the money spent on hair this morning... down the drain.
I want to enjoy my time with my cousin. Just a weekend that we can spend together. He ruined it.
It's 10:00, and I am already home from the wedding. I felt bad for not staying but I can't even keep my eyes open any longer. And I feel selfish for saying this, but I am so angry at him for ruinng MY weekend.

[HALEY]

Lindsey so sorry to hear this, i went thru this crap with my husband, he is a totally different person when he drinks, he is fine with beer but once he starts drinking whiskey he's very mean!!!. and after Micah was born he did start drinking again, and getting mean with me, i had to put my foot down, i called the police, and had him removed from my house, and i also called his mother and his Aunt T too. After spending a couple nights without his new born baby made him think what an ass he was, and he did stop drinking that wiskey, sometimes you have to fight back... and Mike knows now i'm not playing around when it comes to my son.. I will not raise him in that enviroment where the parent or parents are drunk and screaming at each other, it only upsets the children and in the long run its not worth it. i rather walk away then put my child thru that.. i'm glad to hear that she left him, but if he acts like that in front of the children i suggest she cut all ties with him and if it does happen again call the cops and have him arrested.. after he spends some time in jail he'll change his tune!!!

[Lindsey]

Thanks for your input, Haley. The sad thing about Brandi is she didn't have a very good upbringing at all. Her parents drank a lot, did drugs, and would rather party than be parents. Her mom got MS and cancer and passed away when Brandi was 17. Her little brother went to juvenile detention when he was 15, and her youngest brother got taken away from her dad shortly after her mom passed.
Brandi was into drinking and drugs at a pretty young age, and that's when our bond kind of fell apart. From when we were little we wrote each other weekly, and then when we were teens we were just completely different people. I guess when she couldn't hide behind drugs and alcohol, all she really wanted was someone to love her. So she tried to get pregnant with this guy who she had been dating for a few years. She was pregnant at her mom's funeral (none of us knew) but had a miscarriage shortly after. She had 3 miscarriages before having her daughter. Before giving birth to her is when she started reaching back out to me, and we really rebuilt our friendship.
Anyways, now she has 3 kids with 2 deadbeat dads. I think she's still just looking for the love she's lacked her whole life. I'm just really sad for her. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes, especially after spending this weekend with her. Three kids is a lot of baggage for a 23 year old girl. And it's tough to raise those kids all on her own. And I think most of the raising is lazily done, but I know she's just worn down all the time. When I was little, I wouldn't have dreamed about running around like her kids were. I knew if I did, I'd be getting in BIG trouble with my parents later. Her kids don't get in trouble. But she was never raised well so she doesn't have any comparison.
I think she lets her ex stay around because every once in awhile he'll do something nice for her, like take the kids for one night. Or watch them while she runs to the store. I don't think she believes she'll find another guy who will treat her well and put up with her "million babies" as she says.

[HALEY]

Lindsey, you need to boost her self esteam up some, my child hood was bad with an alcohlic abusive dad, and i kinda married a guy like my dad. But not to get into my child hood it wasn't the best and yes i was a very bad child, i did alot of drinking and experiment with drugs which i am not proud of today...
Since then my dad found God and is going back to church again, my husband is kinda finding his way back to reality, after a number of DUI's and me treating to take his son away from him or him ending up in jail..
I was kinda like your friend always in the dumps, low self esteam, but after having my son it really woke me up, i work even harder everyday and spend so much time with my son, playing, reading, taking him for walks, i throw all my energy into that child, he will not grow up in life like i did... and Mike loves him just as much as i do..
Alcohol changes people for the worse, and i'm so glad i got out of that life style and finally Mike is starting to come around again.. Micah changed our lives for the better, are marriage is still rocky, but i'm not putting to much of my time like i should for us. My son needs me now, but we been getting along better. so i just go with the flow for now.
Your friend can't base her life now on the childhood that she once had, mine was terrrible, parents fighting at 2am when my dad got home from the bar, going to school sleeping in class cause we were up all night, i know now that my dad regrets what he did to us and is trying to make up for it by spoiling our children, but the hurt is still there, and yes i did forgive my dad and i let go of the past. and somehow i feel free today.. i blame my hyperness on my dad and my strive for perfection at work/home and my eating disorder somewhat on him. But i have the power to change my life as i did and still working on my issues. and will strive everyday to make a better life for my family Thanks to God. She needs to find the peace within herself and let go of the past and negitive people in her life, i feel so sorry for your friend and her kids will suffer the most, believe everything you do affect a child... just be a good friend to her now
when she needs you..