How would you handle this?

[Willow]

I do not allow name calling in our home. We haven't had any problems with it until today. My daughter just called her brother a stupid idiot. I know it could have been worse, you know, more vulgar names, but still, uncalled for!

I called her out and asked who she was calling a stupid idiot and she said "I didn't" but I heard her plain as day, so now she is lying on top of it! I then said, "then why did you say it" to which she replies "I didn't mean it."

I think my mom would have used soap. I made my daughter put her nose on the wall and she is standing there now crying.

Has anyone else dealt with the name calling?

[Taurus Babe]

How old is your girl?

[Taurus Babe]

I would talk to her about how it probably made her brother feel, and how she would feel is someone called her a stupid idiot. I know you say she could have use stronger language, but this word is not acceptable in your house just as much as if she had chosen a stronger word to use. Tell her that your family does NOT use that word and it is not acceptable and there are no excuses for calling her brother this. You could go as far as to take something away from her such as a privilege so she knows just how serious you are being about this.

[Janet]

I agree with Taurus Babe on this one. Also, she should apologize to her brother and assure him it will never happen again.

[DianaB]

When my kids were little and something like this happened I would punish them (such as putting their nose in the corner or time out) then when the child who was in trouble was finally allowed to get up they had to go the the child that they had offended and give them a hug and a kiss and tell them that they loved them. I found out years later that they really hated that part, but I know that my daughter uses it on her own girls now. It might help if you go over with your children how that words can hurt each other. Kids don't often think about how it feels to be on the receiving end of harsh words. Good luck! (P.S. I have four kids that have turned out to be terriffic adults.)

[Willow]

Thanks. My daughter is 7. The reason I said I know it could have been worse is because she has heard words at school and she comes home and asks us if they are bad words. If they are bad (most of them are) we try to explain that they are bad and why.

I don't know why I didn't think to have her apologize. I was just so shocked! She stood with her nose on the wall for five minutes and then I told her she could go. She was real good the rest of the night.

[Sherry Lynn]

Originally Posted by Willow

Thanks. My daughter is 7. The reason I said I know it could have been worse is because she has heard words at school and she comes home and asks us if they are bad words. If they are bad (most of them are) we try to explain that they are bad and why.

Reminds me of the time I was in grade school and someone told me that the "F Word" was French for "love".

Well I went home and I was F-ing this and F-ing that.... F-ing everything!!! (What can I say... I was a loving child! )

My poor mom had to explain to me that it was bad and why. That lead into the whole birds and bees conversation and I couldn't look at people with children the same way for a long time!!!

[Taurus Babe]

Originally Posted by Sherry Lynn

Reminds me of the time I was in grade school and someone told me that the "F Word" was French for "love".

Well I went home and I was F-ing this and F-ing that.... F-ing everything!!! (What can I say... I was a loving child! )My poor mom had to explain to me that it was bad and why. That lead into the whole birds and bees conversation and I couldn't look at people with children the same way for a long time!!!

OMG that's too funny!!

[BabyNicole]

I don't "make" kids apologize. Just something I learned in college (teaching classes) that I agree with. If a child is truly sorry, they will apologize on their own. If it's forced, it's not sincere. JMHO.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by BabyNicole

I don't "make" kids apologize. Just something I learned in college (teaching classes) that I agree with. If a child is truly sorry, they will apologize on their own. If it's forced, it's not sincere. JMHO.

I agree it should be heartfelt, but the way I explained it is:

"You said something very hurtful and the hurt can go away if you apologize..but you have to really mean it or it doesn't help the hurt at all".

If you just tell a kid to apologize, it doesn't teach them anything, they need to understand what an apology is and why it must be a true apology.

[Willow]

Thanks ladies! I will remember the apology part if it happens again. Or should I still ask her to apologize to him even though it happened yesterday?

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Willow

Thanks ladies! I will remember the apology part if it happens again. Or should I still ask her to apologize to him even though it happened yesterday?

You could tell her that words stay with someone longer and ask if she feels an apology would help her brother. Maybe let her make the decision.

[BabyNicole]

Originally Posted by Janet

You could tell her that words stay with someone longer and ask if she feels an apology would help her brother. Maybe let her make the decision.

Good idea. She can apologize when she's ready, and if she means it.

[BabyNicole]

Originally Posted by Willow

Thanks ladies! I will remember the apology part if it happens again. Or should I still ask her to apologize to him even though it happened yesterday?

You can also "suggest" an apology. But let her make the decision. But, ultimately it's up to you!! You are the mom!! If I didn't apologize on cue it was: Either apologize or get whacked!

With the 8million kids it seems like live at my house, lol, I just tell them point blank that "we don't name call". If it happens again, I ask how they would feel if they were called _______ and that if they are angry that should say "I'm so mad at you" instead.

Of course, it still happens... and I still correct them... and one day they will realize that they love each other.

J