Marriage

[RLC12345678]

Is marriage an outdated institution? Is co-habitation replacing the institution of marriage, and will this affect the security and stability of children?

Many social scientists and indeed many tabloids claim that marriage is arguably losing its appeal. With divorce ever on the rise – with statistics showing one out of every three marriages end in divorce, the institution of marriage as a religious and legal bond may be considered outdated in today’s society. Co-habitation is no longer unacceptable, indeed it is commonplace among the youth of today, and illegitimacy no longer carries such a social stigma. But is a stable family environment dependent on a marital bond – or more appropriately, if not dependent is it improved? What do you think??

[Janet]

Wow....was that deep!!! I think marriage is the best, I don't know why. Maybe because whenever I speak with older people, they believe so strongly in the institution of marriage and the emotions are so "catching" from them. Makes you believe in so much more, all the trials and tribulations, they went through, the world wars, the depression and it just gives me this strong desire to want to try harder at all things. After all they've gone through and you see them look at each other with so much love, and it's a different kind of love than what you see with the younger people today, I think it's the "real" committment. It just melts my heart....

[RLC12345678]

Originally Posted by Janet

Wow....was that deep!!! I think marriage is the best, I don't know why. Maybe because whenever I speak with older people, they believe so strongly in the institution of marriage and the emotions are so "catching" from them. Makes you believe in so much more, all the trials and tribulations, they went through, the world wars, the depression and it just gives me this strong desire to want to try harder at all things. After all they've gone through and you see them look at each other with so much love, and it's a different kind of love than what you see with the younger people today, I think it's the "real" committment. It just melts my heart....

I completely agree. My grandparents have been married for 56 years. Even now, there are some days I can tell that they really just don't like each other. But you know what...they're still married. And I feel like my mom and her siblings and us grandchildren are better off for it. It really gives me the hope that no matter what my marriage faces, I have made a commitment and I am not giving up on it just because one day I wake up and think that I don't love this person anymore. My grandmother has always told me that love is a choice, not a feeling.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by RLC12345678

Is marriage an outdated institution? Is co-habitation replacing the institution of marriage, and will this affect the security and stability of children?

Many social scientists and indeed many tabloids claim that marriage is arguably losing its appeal. With divorce ever on the rise – with statistics showing one out of every three marriages end in divorce, the institution of marriage as a religious and legal bond may be considered outdated in today’s society. Co-habitation is no longer unacceptable, indeed it is commonplace among the youth of today, and illegitimacy no longer carries such a social stigma. But is a stable family environment dependent on a marital bond – or more appropriately, if not dependent is it improved? What do you think??

Wow I do agree with Janet as this being deep. My personal opionion and thats all it is.. I do see marriages deteriorating around me after many years. I feel that this marriage vow is no longer taken serious. When you marry young , love is usually the cause and over the years you have to both work on it to keep it thriving. Today it is different many women no longer stay they are far more independent as far as their careers. As Janet mentioned older people stayed no matter what. Partly was because women were inferior as to going out and supporting themselves. Plus they sacrafice their happiness to raise their chilldren in a two parent home.

Rebecca you brought up a very good thread, The grass always seems greener on the other side but in truth its not. I do believe and I tell this to my children all the time, its very important to get a good education. I feel its best to marry a little later on , for when you marry early 20's, you don't know what you will feel when one day you wake up and your 40. Feelings do change.I tell them to go out and experience life, and when you are ready to have children settle down.. I think a loving family regardless if the parents are divorced are an important factor in stability.I see many children who stem from divorce are well adjusted. They need to feel love from both parents regardless and to interact with both.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Gina

Wow I do agree with Janet as this being deep. My personal opionion and thats all it is.. I do see marriages deteriorating around me after many years. I feel that this marriage vow is no longer taken serious. When you marry young , love is usually the cause and over the years you have to both work on it to keep it thriving. Today it is different many women no longer stay they are far more independent as far as their careers. As Janet mentioned older people stayed no matter what. Partly was because women were inferior as to going out and supporting themselves. Plus they sacrafice their happiness to raise their chilldren in a two parent home.

Rebecca you brought up a very good thread, The grass always seems greener on the other side but in truth its not. I do believe and I tell this to my children all the time, its very important to get a good education. I feel its best to marry a little later on , for when you marry early 20's, you don't know what you will feel when one day you wake up and your 40. Feelings do change.I tell them to go out and experience life, and when you are ready to have children settle down.. I think a loving family regardless if the parents are divorced are an important factor in stability.I see many children who stem from divorce are well adjusted. They need to feel love from both parents regardless and to interact with both.

Excellent post Gina...I agree!

[BabyNicole]

Well, I'll write from my experience. I believe in living together before getting married. I did that, and was engaged. We lived together for about 6 months, and then he changed his mind!!! I was DEVASTED!!! But, you know what? I'm glad he got a taste of what it was like to live with me LOLOL. I would rather not get married, then have to get a quick divorce. And I'm so glad he called off the wedding, because the person he is today, I don't like! God works in misterious ways, and everything happens for the best.

[DianaB]

I think that with divorces so easy to get that we tend to go into marriages with the idea that "if it doesn't work out then I'll get a divorce". People don't seem to take marriage as seriously as they did a long time ago. I think that it's important to "know" what a person wants and likes and how they react in different situations BEFORE you get married.

Even in a good marriage you have days, and even weeks, that you really don't like your spouse, but you have to know that you're in it for the long haul. I have a great marriage, but we still have had our rocky spots. We never mentioned the "D" word because we knew that for better or worse we're sticking it out.

Does a marriage, or lack of one, affect children? Yes! Children that come from a stable marriage, with few problems, feel much more stable with their life. They have a solid base for their lives with a Mom and a Dad who is there for them. They feel safe and secure.

I know that any time we've had an argument in front of the kids I've found out later about how worried they were. I left the house once following an argument and my daughter was worried that I wasn't coming home. It wasn't even a bad argument but in her eyes it was. When my older children were little they informed me which parent they were going to live with if we got a divorce. They were getting prepared because their friends at school were going through this with their parents and they figured it was going to happen to them too. Isn't that sad?

My husband works with a group of children from church that for the most part are from divorced, single parent, or step-parent homes and you can tell that there is a difference between them and kids from homes with both original parents.

In my daughter's class at school there are very few kids that still live with both of their parents. You can't tell me that this isn't affecting our children and our society.

Just to briefly touch on co-habitation.....I don't think that it's any better than getting married and divorced. It's just easier to get out of than divorce, no ties! I'm sorry if I have offended some, but this is my opinion. Sorry.

Sorry, I have such a hard time giving short answers.

[BabyNicole]

Originally Posted by DianaB

I think that with divorces so easy to get that we tend to go into marriages with the idea that "if it doesn't work out then I'll get a divorce". People don't seem to take marriage as seriously as they did a long time ago. I think that it's important to "know" what a person wants and likes and how they react in different situations BEFORE you get married.

Even in a good marriage you have days, and even weeks, that you really don't like your spouse, but you have to know that you're in it for the long haul. I have a great marriage, but we still have had our rocky spots. We never mentioned the "D" word because we knew that for better or worse we're sticking it out.

Does a marriage, or lack of one, affect children? Yes! Children that come from a stable marriage, with few problems, feel much more stable with their life. They have a solid base for their lives with a Mom and a Dad who is there for them. They feel safe and secure.

I know that any time we've had an argument in front of the kids I've found out later about how worried they were. I left the house once following an argument and my daughter was worried that I wasn't coming home. It wasn't even a bad argument but in her eyes it was. When my older children were little they informed me which parent they were going to live with if we got a divorce. They were getting prepared because their friends at school were going through this with their parents and they figured it was going to happen to them too. Isn't that sad?

My husband works with a group of children from church that for the most part are from divorced, single parent, or step-parent homes and you can tell that there is a difference between them and kids from homes with both original parents.

In my daughter's class at school there are very few kids that still live with both of their parents. You can't tell me that this isn't affecting our children and our society.

Just to briefly touch on co-habitation.....I don't think that it's any better than getting married and divorced. It's just easier to get out of than divorce, no ties! I'm sorry if I have offended some, but this is my opinion. Sorry.

Sorry, I have such a hard time giving short answers.

You've got a point. It sure as heck wasn't easy on me!!! Easier for him to get out, yes, but not easy on the heart.

[Ponyup]

I don't like the idea of co-habition. It's fine for others, but it just wasn't for me & I'm so glad I didn't do it before I got married. Backstory: My husband & I are both loners, we have always lived alone & liked it that way. When we moved in together the first 6 months were awful, I couldn't find a job, I was sure I'd made a mistake, I was sure he wasn't the one. But then I read a book, forget what it's called, but it's about preparing to be married & it said that even though you've married the one things won't be perfect. Had we lived together first I might have left, thinking he wasn't the right guy for me & that would of been the biggest mistake of my life. He is the one for me it's just that adjustment period was hard for us.

I'm glad I married him, marriage is a choice & a commitment & people don't get that anymore. They marry people because of this flutter in their stomach, which doesn't always transfer to a long standing commitment. That flutter fades, but if you marry your best friend that will always be there. i don't think people understand that about marriage, I had great examples of what marriage should be like in my family so it worked out for me.

Sorry, I think I went off topic. Marriage good, co-habition not for me.

[Willow]

My mom was a single parent and she kept us away from our dad. I didn't know where he lived and I was 9 the last time I saw him. Divorce was an everyday part of mine and my brothers lives growing up. My mom lived with several different boyfriends and had a baby by one of them and didn't set a very good example for us kids in her lifestyles. When things got bad with a guy, she packed us up and we moved. No stability, no dedication, nothing. Most of her boyfriends abused us. I vowed to myself that when I grew up and married it would be forever no matter what (unless I was being abused! NO way!!) and that ALL my kids would have the same father and be of the same ethnicity (will explain).

My brother Chad is the one my mom had by her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was black and he abused us kids (race has nothing to do with the abuse.) My mom left him because of the abuse. She then hooked up with another guy several years later who sexually abused me and then burned our home down a couple years later. He is now in prison.

During our school years kids picked on us due to having a mixed brother. It hurt so much to be treated as outcasts just because our brother was a little darker than us. Heck, half us white folks kill ourselves in the tanning beds to be as dark as my brother, but we can't accept darker skinned folks due to prejudice minds. It is aggravating!

Marraige offers more stability for children IMO. We came from a one parent home and we didn't have stability. We remember times when there weren't clothes that fit, food to eat, and we mostly remember being alone when the babysitter didn't show up to watch us while mom worked.

But mostly, I remember wondering who my dad was and what he was like and being envious of my friends who had two parents...two REAL parents, not step parents, and wondering what it would be like to have a dad around.

My dad didn't see me grow up. He wasn't there to meet and threaten my first boyfriend. My dad didn't see me graduate. My dad didn't give me away. My dad died without knowing he was grandpa. I didn't see my dad for 12 years. Then I got to see him be buried.

I want more than that for my kids. Marraige is important to me because I want my kids to have the love of two parents, both father and mother. I want them to have the SAME two parents. I have kept both vows so far. I have four children all by my husband, we were married before we had kids, and we have stuck it out so far through thick and thin, but even we have our moments.

And although we both have had a day or two when we were so frustrated that we thought we wanted to call it quits, we look at our children and we realize they deserve better than that. They were created in love, not out of the raging hormones from a one night stand, but a love in the bonds of marraige, and that love is worth working for, fighting for, and living for.

[Marilyn]

Originally Posted by Willow

........And although we both have had a day or two when we were so frustrated that we thought we wanted to call it quits, we look at our children and we realize they deserve better than that. They were created in love, not out of the raging hormones from a one night stand, but a love in the bonds of marraige, and that love is worth working for, fighting for, and living for.

Amen!! Willow, my heart goes out to you. It's wonderful that even though you had such a rough childhood, you learned from it and are so determined to be the wife and mother that you should. I have the deepest, most sincere respect for you.

God's plan from the very beginning was for one man to marry one woman. The man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). This is a command, not a choice. Women have their instruction as well. God's Word, the Bible, if full of admonission to love each other, be faithful to each other. If people would live by God's plan life would be so much easier. All you have to do is look around you to see that man's plan does not work like God's plan. It's amazing that more people just don't get it.

[DianaB]

Willow, I'm proud of you for making a better life for you and your family and I'm sorry for all that you went through as a child. We all have things in our life that we strive to put behind us and try to change in our own families.

My Dad made big changes in his life to make our life better. I was always so proud of him because of it.