Now I feel like the worst mother who was ever born!

[Janet]

Originally Posted by judy

I think I want to move to Tahiti and lie on a beach chair for the rest of my life!

I wanna come live with you!

[goofywife]

Can I come too!

Originally Posted by judy

I think I want to move to Tahiti and lie on a beach chair for the rest of my life!

[Janet]

Okay everyone...we're moving to Judy's new place!

I've got my stuff...BeachGearCE1.jpg

[Gina]

Originally Posted by judy

Thanks so much all of you. I need your support!

I found a condo not too far from her with nice duplexes, a heated pool., and a clubhouse, I think with a gym. It's more of a second home place for city people, but I emailed my realtor to check it out for me. I'd love to get in touch with the homeowners association, but I can't get an address or phone number.

I'd like to find out how many owners are year round there. The prices are really good. It's far up in the mountains and the prices are good. It's fairly far
from shopping and a college, but I'd say 45 minutes would get me to each.

I found out that the weather near my daughter and near the city my realtor showed me (1.5 hours away) are really the same. If that's so, I might just do it.
I would compromise - and and it really is a nice place.

I will say that she is totally annoying and manipulative when she wants her way. In fact, I don't know anyone who annoys me so much. I think she behaves like a spoiled child if she doesn't get her way, and I'm not in love with that part of her at all. Yuck!

Having said that, I do love her and the kids and don't want to hurt her. I will never make her really happy. Janet - you figured that out as you said it in one of your posts. I'm just too independent and love my freedom too much. I can compromise though.

I haven't heard from my realtor yet. I'll call him tomorrow or Monday. She doesn't know about it, and won't until I decide.

A heated pool! I could learn to love that!

Judy, I just read both your posts and I feel bad for you. You seem to be what's the expression between a rock and a hard place?? yep I believe that is the expression.

Your not a bad mother/grandmother at all. There are certain mothers whom love to spend every waking moment with their daughters and their family. Then there are the one's who like to have quality time with their daughters and have their own time to themselves too. There is nothing wrong with either relationship. It is how you feel and you are entitled to having your own life too. As moms we have sacrificed our time raising them and always being there for them. When they are older and off to college most of the time we are not needed, they need to find their way in life. But they do come back once married.

Your daughter must realize that you have been an independent woman for many years and you are still young. You need to have your own space, that doesn't mean that you will not be spending quality time with her and her family. Don't feel guilty no need to fight. Tell her that you love her and will be closer to her in distance than you are now. You will see her more often than you do now , and if she is not feeling well you will be there in a heartbeat. Judy maybe she is scared because of her illness, just keep reassuring her that mom is close by.


If you want to get in touch with the association of the condo complex, ask the realtor to get the number for you.

Good luck and do what is best for you..

[Marilyn]

Judy, please don't rush into anything right now when emotions are running so high. As Janet said, please make sure it is what YOU want. You are the one who will have to live there. Perhaps you could rent for a little while to "try it out" and see if it's a fit before making such a hugh committment. Be sure you are close to competant medical facilities also. We love you!!!

[judy]

You're all right! I really don't know where I'll end up living. I do like this place though. I'm going to try to attach some pix.

[Tink]

Judy, we devote many years to raising our kids. Willingly give up our time and space and often our dreams to provide for them the best that we can. I'm sure you did this, and know I have.

There does come a time when we deserve to live for ourselves though. For you and I, that time has come. Please don't let her or anyone else guilt you into giving up the freedom you've earned. Setting boundaries can be hard, and our kids always know which buttons to push to make us feel that we owe them more... but that doesn't make it true.

I think too that it sounds like you need to take a break from decisions until you truly know where you want to be. You don't have to decide today... and it seems it might be better if you don't!

Several years ago my oldest dd asked us to move about an hr away to help her with her oldest while she worked and went to school. Since I worked from home, Greg drove semi, and I was homeschooling Joel and Katie, it didn't matter a lot where we lived, so we decided to do it We bought a house about 2 miles from them and for a while it was ok. What we didn't realize was that the little town we'd moved to was very unfriendly, seemed like a Peyton Place with drinking, drugs, affairs and so on just rampant. We didn't fit in or like it at all.

About a yr after we moved there, my daughter and her husband got a deal they couldn't refuse and moved away! So there were were in a place we didn't like, with no reason to be there and quite unhappy. I was too far from them to be helping with my grand daughter anymore and we were stuck in a place we did not fit in or like.

We did end up moving back "home" but our lives were quite negatively affected by having moved there. If we had known before what we knew after, we'd never have gone.

I hope you can avoid making a similar mistake.

HUGS

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by judy

You're all right! I really don't know where I'll end up living. I do like this place though. I'm going to try to attach some pix.

got an extra room?

[Janet]

The top picture was big enough to see and it's lovely. The mountains in the back so pretty. I couldn't enlarge the 3 bottom pictures.

[Mandy]

Aye Judy, i just read your posts, what a challenge huh - now listen gf, your are NOT a bad mother/grandmother, a LOT of other girls would give the world to have a mom like you.
I totally understand you, do yourself a favor, and follow your heart! make absoluty sure that this is what you want, be fair to yourself!

[Forgivenmom5]

The place looks beautiful Judy. Like everyone said just make sure you will be happy.

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by Janet

The top picture was big enough to see and it's lovely. The mountains in the back so pretty. I couldn't enlarge the 3 bottom pictures.

The appartment looks lovely, but I couldn't tell much from the smaller pictures either. I agree with everyone else about taking your time. A heated pool would be wonderful though!!!

[Janet]

I just want you to be happy Judy!!

[teri88]

Don't feel like a bad mother. If you didn't love your daughter, then I'd say you were a bad mother, but you do love her. I think, and I hope you don't take this wrong, but I think she needs to grow up. It is not normal for a mother to put her grown daughter first and be there every minute that she wants her to be. That just doesn't sound right to me. You need to take care of yourself. She is a big girl now and needs to work out her own problems. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by teri88

Don't feel like a bad mother. If you didn't love your daughter, then I'd say you were a bad mother, but you do love her. I think, and I hope you don't take this wrong, but I think she needs to grow up. It is not normal for a mother to put her grown daughter first and be there every minute that she wants her to be. That just doesn't sound right to me. You need to take care of yourself. She is a big girl now and needs to work out her own problems. I'll keep you both in my prayers.