sexless relationships

[judy]

Haley,

When my SIL was drinking, I went to Alanon. I ended up going for 2 years, and I learned so much, and met the most wonderful people.

Some of them left the person who was drinking, and some didn't. The point of Alanon is not whether you stay or leave the alcoholic. It's really how you live your own life, and how to make good choices.

I really recommend it.

[jrsygal37]

Haley. Just so you know the alcohol can be a factor in why he is not interested in having sex. When I answered your post I stated another women but I did not have all the facts then. If he has an alcohol problem I would bet this is why he is acting as he is. If you truly love him and you believe he's a good man with a problem then I would force his hand to get help. If he refuses help then leave him. Sometimes and alcholic has to hit rock bottom and lose it all before he realizes he has a problem. I wish you both the best. Elaine

[goofywife]

Hmm to post or not to post in this thread.

Hold on to your coffee cup. I have been married 3 times. So, maybe I am not the best person to offer advice.

The first one hit me. The third time he did it, I put him in the hospital and got a divorce.

The second one, cheated on me (with his first wife) and caught VD. I prayed and cried. It was not something I could live with. I was afraid that I would catch Aids from him.

The third one is a charm. He is a very dear man. Yep he can be a butt head sometimes, but we think alike. We have now been married for 14 years. We have a deal, he takes care of the outside and all of the home repairs, I clean the house and cook. Sometimes if I am working overtime, he jumps in and helps me. If he is working on a big repair, I jump in and help him. Its a partnership and I consider him to be my best friend. I love him unconditionally. We both feel complete when we are together.

The hardest part of our marriage was my daughter. She did not adjust to the divorces nor new marriage very well, and really rebelled as a teenager. She was fine until 14. Then all hell broke loose.

Its amazing we all managed to come through it and have a great relationship with each other. I truely feel it was God's doing. We gave her to him, and said we have done what we can. She came around (of course it took a few years). She has told us, I don't know why I did the things I did. She also counsels other girls to listen to their parents. (I know amazing)

Either way, stay together in a horrible marriage or divorce. Its hard on the kids. But you have to know that someday, Micah will leave and go out on his own. Where will you be? Where will you have spent your time? will you be happy with the decisions you made? Who will be there for you?

Anyhow this is about you and what you are going to do.

You have been given all kinds of advice. Bottom line. You have to decide what is best for you! What behavior in a husband is acceptable to you. Who you think you can grow old with. You don't want to wait until you are old to decide you made a mistake and wasted your life.

Thanks thats all the advice I will give.

Michelle

[Janet]

That was good advice Michelle, really sweet.

[judy]

Great advice Michelle, and I'm so happy for you that your daughter turned it around.

I'm looking for a new love after my 2nd divorce - so third time is a charm?

Good for you.

[HALEY]

Its a very hard dicision that i have to make, no matter what i decide it's going to effect Micah either way, that's the hardest part, if it was just me, i would have already been out of this marriage, i'm sick of spending my hard earned money on making the house look nice while he sits on his ass, he is a hard worker but that's about it, when he comes home he wants to sit out in the garage all night, that's not going to fly with me! Just yesterday i snapped on him, i took the baby over my mothers for 2 hours and all i asked him to do is run the sweaper and fold a load of clothes to help me out! And he did nothing but run over the neighbors house and drink beer! I had it... i'm not his mother or his maid... Im just sick of carrying him if you know what i mean.... He still says he's getting an apartment when he gets his drivers lisc. back, i told him don't let the door hit you in the ass!
Right now i really don't care if he leaves.. I have my son to worry about and he will be taken care of! I already talked to my mom this weekend, and she told me to do what i feel is right. and she will help me out if i need her too.. But i rather get another job than to depend on my mother i'm stronger than that! Whatever i decide i'll do it on my own, that's something i like about me, i'm not affraid to be alone.. What the hell i feel alone in this marriage now! I always survived before with God's help and i know i can do it again.

[judy]

Haley,

You do not have to decide right now if you're not ready. One day at a time, until you're absolutely sure about what you feel is the right thing to do.

Only you can make that decision, so listen to your own heart. There really is no right or wrong decision. Mike is not abusing you or Micah. If that were so, I would say to run.

Not to change your feelings or persuade you, but my SIL went from being a rather nasty alcoholic to a sober, wonderful husband and father. That doesn't mean that Mike will do the same. It also doesn't mean that my SIL will always be able to stay sober. All it really means is that my daughter's heart told her to stay. I don't know
what went into that decision. It was hers to make, and I respect her for it.

Whatever you do, we're all here to support you.