Joke of the Day

[Janet]

LOLOL.....good one!


Kat, I like your jokes. Not only are they funny, they're clean!

[teri88]

Now that is funny! something I could see happening to me!

[katcarasella]

SUNDAY~MAY 11TH~MOTHER'S DAY

You Know You're a Mom When ......


1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.....and you don't care.

2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.

3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.

5. Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

6. Popsicles become a food staple.

7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.

9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of where it is.

10. Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her, after you suck the dirt off of it because your too busy to wash it off.

11. Your kids make jokes about flatulence, burping, pooping, etc. and you think it's funny.

12. You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

13. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

14. You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

15. In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.

16. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

17. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies bars.

[katcarasella]

A LETTER FROM AN IRISH MOTHER..


Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive.
I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast.
You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.
Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery.
There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good.
Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.
Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl,
so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.
Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery.
His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely.
He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.
I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me.
Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets.
Your Father wanted to buy it from him.
It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.
We had a letter from the undertaker.
He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.
Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you 10 dollars, but I'd already sealed the envelope.

[katcarasella]

~Monday~May 12th~Jokes~

Signs that You've had Too Much Computing

You try to enter your password on the microwave.

You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back, 'What's for dinner dad?'

Your daughter sets up a web site to sell Girl Scout Cookies.

You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

~~~~~~~~

How to start the day and feel really good:

• Open a new file on your computer.
• Entitle it 'Housework.'
• Place it in the Recycle Bin.
• Empty the Recycle Bin.
• Your computer will ask you, 'Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?'
• Answer 'Yes' and click the left mouse button firmly.
• Now you feel much better.

~~~~~~~~

[Forgivenmom5]

I love the idea about housework.

[DianaB]

Kat, I loved all of them!!! Cute, Cute!!! The one from the Irish Mother was hysterical!!!

[teri88]

Originally Posted by katcarasella

A LETTER FROM AN IRISH MOTHER..


Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive.
I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast.
You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.
Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery.
There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good.
Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.
Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl,
so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.
Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery.
His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely.
He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.
I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me.
Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets.
Your Father wanted to buy it from him.
It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.
We had a letter from the undertaker.
He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.
Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you 10 dollars, but I'd already sealed the envelope.

I missed this one the other day. This is hysterical!

[katcarasella]

TO ALL OF YOU!!!

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2...hank-you_7.gif

[katcarasella]

Wednesday~May 14th~Jokes

A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully said each word right up to the end..."And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."


A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black..."


"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son.
"Diet."


'Grandad, do you know how to croak?'
I don't think so, Steven, why?"
'Because Dad says he'll be rich when you do.'


A woman got on a bus with seven children. The bus conductor asked: 'Are these all yours lady? Or is it a picnic?'
'They're all mine,' she replied. 'And it's no picnic!'


The first thing a child learns when he gets a drum is that he'll never get another one.


A father was talking to his son. 'Now listen, my boy, from now on you do your own home-work. I'm not going to do any more for you - it's not right.' 'I know.' said the boy. 'but have a shot at it just the same.

Eleven year old's environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution: 'When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead.'